-The Dog and Pony Show-

As The World Turns

2012-01-17T01:10:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you how many times I've seen it in the media. An athlete does a bad job and doesn't wish to speak to the press, so a reporter tells everybody how the athlete is lacking in class because the reporter got stiffed and lost a story. It is the worst of both worlds because the athlete and reporter come away looking like jerks.

So whenever I see a blog of the variety Mike Chambers wrote when Semyon Varlamov blew him off after getting throttled by the Phoenix Coyotes yesterday, I can only laugh and shake my head. It was the kind of dirty laundry which serves absolutely no purpose outside of portraying Varlamov in a wholly negative light while Chambers does his best to make it look like he did his job in a situation where neither person really did much of anything. They both look like idiots for absolutely no good reason.

The way I see it an interview would have ended two ways.

1. The boring non-story, aka "The Sakic":

Chambers: "What happened out there?"

Varlamov: "Well, ya know we didn't do some of the things you would like to see for us to win and things and stuff...and stuff and things...and...hey is that coffee?"

End Result: Snore.

2. The dickhead, aka "The Avery":

Chambers: "Please explain your performance in this pitiful bloodbath which was all your fault..."

Varlamov: "Kiss my ass!"

End Result: Firestorm!

Instead with Varlamov blowing off the interview we got the best possible reaction from a player/team standpoint. He walked away from a grenade that might screw up his team, and we got the non-story, non-interview which got overblown in the media so a beat reporter could write about something and get paid. Perfection! This is all any reasonable fan wants because it shows that Varlamov cares enough about his game and his team to keep his trap shut and not lose his mind to a reporter. Well played Semyon.

Look, I'm not a professional athlete, although I play one in my own head, but I can sympathize with Varlamov. He just got worked by the Phoenix Coyotes. That is akin to getting beaten up by a class of 6th graders grasping giant inflatable hammers. The Avalanche didn't lose Game 7 to the 'Yotes, but it wasn't pretty either. So what? It is a non-story that cropped up after game 47 of an 82 game season. I'm not going to stop reading The Denver Post if a story about Semyon Varlamov crapping the tub against the Coyotes fails to make it into print during this time of year. Who cares?!

But of course the plot thickened. The way Chambers tells it Varlamov refused an interview, waved him off, and walked away. Which was rude. Fine. Going with the next best thing, Chambers interviewed J.S. Giguere, which is where, stunningly, his blog gets even worse. As if to punish the rest of us for even reading, Chambers states that the interview with Giguere will be in the Denver Post on Monday, and implies that Giguere may have said something important. You can smell the buzz in the air, can't you? I bet you 10/1 that Jiggy didn't say anything more than "he's young and will get over it." But as of this writing we have to wait to get to the bottom of the non-story, non-issue, created after a non-eventful midseason blowout at the hands of a non-team. Fantastic! I'd like an hour of my life back in advance, thanks.

What's worse, I get the idea Chambers did it on purpose because a searing hot non-story during the dog days of hockey is better than the hum-drum reality of crappy hockey in mid-January. I'm probably wrong, but why is Chambers making such a big deal out of not getting a story out of a sulking goaltender?

Writing about hockey can be boring, lame, and difficult. There are long periods when two things happen: jack and squat. Why do you think I crap out these Dog and Ponies at such an erratic rate?! Most games can be summarized in a Facebook status or Tweet. Perhaps Chambers drummed up a story to get readers. It wouldn't be the first time someone in the media did that and it won't be the last.

I'm sure Mike Chambers was stuck between a rock and a hard place when Varlamov refused an interview, and I can sympathize with him, but in creating drama where there was none he went from acting as a journalist and morphed into, well, me. Next time do us a favor Mike and leave the histrionics to those of us who take the time to write about this kind of stupid nonsense for free.

Zach Parise

2012-01-05T06:12:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't noticed, the Avalanche have been on a stunning tear which has seen them win nine of their past eleven games since December 13th. For those of you who didn't hit the panic button and start screaming about the need to fire coach Joe Sacco before the run your patience is being rewarded. Still, it helps to remember that the club, although headed in the right direction, is still growing. Furthermore, a knee injury sustained by Matt Duchene, which will leave him out until at least February is cause for concern.

On the bright side, Ryan O'Reilly continues to show that he can (will?) become one of the great Avalanche centermen. This is reassuring considering how Paul Stastny, who at one point looked like he would turn out to be the next Joe Sakic, has instead evolved into a player in the area of the next Michael Peca. This isn't a bad thing, but it is kind of lame nevertheless. Defensive centers who sometimes score big goals are nice, but so is finding out that a potentially major car repair can be averted by changing out a bad fuse.

The left wing position in hockey is still something of a mystery to me, and apparently is something of a mystery to the Avalanche as well. Left wings are hard to find. They are almost as hard to find as say, young power forwards with the potential to score 40 goals a season from now until eternity (Chris Stewart! Excuse me. Where's my hanky...). Gabriel Landeskog is trending in the right direction and I'm glad the Avalanche managed to crap the tub hard enough last season that they were able to draft him. However, the recent news that the Peter Mueller experiment is back on skates is making my thinning hair grow even thinner. Why is this man still playing hockey?

The Avalanche are desperate to fill out their top six but the fact that they are relying on a man who has been concussed so hard that he can be taken out by a hovering june bug is bordering on the absurd. It is like the management has become Robert De Niro in "Casino", whose character worked himself into a lather trying to justify the expense of keeping around a mid-level hooker who at any moment could snap and burn his house down. Do they hate Wojtek Wolski that much? Sure, he took several hundred shifts off, but come on!

As it stands the Avalanche have 41 million smackers to play with in the upcoming season. Keeping around Duchene, Ryan O'Reilly, Erik Johnson, Kyle Quincey, David Jones, Milan Hejduk, et al. is going to take a bite, but it isn't exactly going to throw them into Washington Capitals or Buffalo Sabres territory either. So why not break out the old gamblin' visor that has been stowed away since 2002 and make a run at Zach Parise this summer?

I can only guess (just like everyone else who writes about the Avalanche) what they have planned for the future, but Parise would bring a quality that the team has been lacking since the retirement of Burnaby Joe Sakic, strong leadership. By leadership I'm not talking about the steadying hand of the quiet and reliable Milan Hejduk. I don't mean the "he'll grow into it" kind of leadership of Ryan O'Reilly. I'm talking about the saddle up, Annie Get Your Gun, screw the other team and their ancestors, Chris Drury kind of leadership that Parise possesses. Here is a man who is so obsessed with winning that he actually contemplated returning several times last season on a knee that had the consistency of cold poutine, for a team that had less of a chance of winning the Stanley Cup than Venezuela.

The major element the Avalanche have been missing all these years is an identity. Nobody is afraid of them because you can't fear something that isn't sure it exists. The Avalanche need teeth. They need grit. They need Zach Parise. I hate to go back to the Stanley Cup days because I'm sick of fans living in the past (myself included) but look at what they had on the 2000-01 Cup team. Adam Foote- rusty nail eating leader. Rob Blake- hip checking leader. Peter Forsberg- superhuman leader. Chris Drury- Olympic leader. Raymond Bourque- Messianic leader. Joe Sakic- Ultimate leader. That team reeked of leadership!

Again, I'm not saying the Avalanche is lacking in potential leaders (Duchene), and nice guy leaders (Hejduk), and born and bred leaders (Stastny) or even psychotic gym rat leaders (O'Reilly), but here is a club that with Zach Parise would go from "plucky and developing" to "watch yer butts" in the swipe of a pen. It is time the Avalanche took a hard look at bringing the team back into the big leagues. Mr. Sherman, Mr. Lacroix, and Mr. Kroenke, you have 4-5 months to get the house in order. Make it so.

Canned Heat

2011-12-04T03:17:00.000-08:00

In recent years the month of December has not treated the Avalanche well. Last season's December swoon destroyed an early season surge that saw the Avalanche flirting with the best record in hockey. This season the failure began in November, almost as if the team was anticipating a month of self-destruction to end the year. The club once again seemed to lose its motivation, and coach Joe Sacco's days behind the bench appeared numbered.

However, within the last couple of weeks the Avalanche have been showing the kind of resilience that helps pull teams out of the kind of funk that can ruin a season, by losing only once in their last five games. Surely the team didn't magically mature into the kind of club Avalanche faithful have waited for for nearly a decade. Teams don't suddenly become relevant. However there are reasons why the Avalanche are winning, and why fans should not be so quick to dismiss Colorado hockey in a year in which it is all to easy to become absorbed with the traditional religion of the Mile High City.

The Emergence of Ryan O'Reilly

Hockey is the most team oriented of all sports so crediting one person with a turnaround is often unjustified. But whatever happened to Ryan O'Reilly needs to be researched by science. The third line center has become a force of nature since Thanksgiving and has inspired his team to play much stronger hockey. Not to imply that O'Reilly decided to start trying once the last of the turkey was gone, his work ethic is admirable, but counting his two goal performance against a hot Detroit team on Sunday, O'Reilly has nine points in five games after producing a pedestrian twelve points in his previous twenty-two.

O’Reilly has spent much of his time since the beginning of the season with Gabriel Landeskog, who is developing nicely in his own right, but the addition of Milan Hejduk to his line is paying huge dividends. Considering his defensive acumen, using O'Reilly on the third line and on the penalty kill most of his career has made sense. It is hard to argue against using your best defensive forward to stop pucks no matter how much potential he has shown on offense. Jordan Staal of Pittsburgh is a good example of this principle. Yet it appears that giving O'Reilly an opportunity to show what he can do on a consistent basis in offensive situations has been the right move.

Considering how the rest of the offense not named Matt Duchene (who is in a class of is own) has shown a penchant for wildly erratic performances (Colorado's 6-1 victory in New Jersey on November 30th following a 3-1 loss to Dallas, after a 5-2 win against Edmonton), keeping O'Reilly's line together would be smart, and may just help Sacco avoid landing on unemployment.

Mr. Elliott, Your Coffee is Ready

Coming out of training camp it appeared that Stefan Elliott was poised to start a magical career in the NHL. Some of us were so excited to get a jump on the best Avalanche defensemen since Raymond Bourque that we drafted him in our fantasy league...because some of us were drunk off of the sweet, sweet nectar of hyperbole.

Stunningly, the 20-year-old Elliott (the reason the Avalanche traded Kevin Shattenkirk to St. Louis) failed to start the season with the Avalanche and was sent down to the AHL to mature. Not so stunningly after a November in which the team decided to stop playing defense, Elliott was put back on an airplane headed towards Denver. On cue, Mr. Elliott promptly scored in his first game on a great wrist shot from the blue line shortly after making one of those special cut-off-the-crossing-pass-as-the-only-man-back-on-a-two-on-one-break-away type of plays that ol' Ray used to make. Since the call up Elliott has produced three points in five games while maintaining an even plus/minus. But we can't get too excited, can we? Of course not, these are the Colorado Avalanche! We must be reticent and cynical. Recent talk on the inter-tubes has hinted at Elliott being sent down once again, as his non-power play minutes have been cut to a minuscule level due to some shaky turnovers. Yet since his arrival in the November 26th game, the team has only managed to lose once. Coincidence? I think not. Sending Elliott back down to the dominate the AHL once again won't provide him with the kind of learning experiences he needs to develop his game. Now where did I set that jug o' sweet, sweet hyperbole?

Mister Two Goals Against

During the recent run of glory which has me no longer wanting to sling my television out the window, Semyon Varlamov has managed to become the antithesis of nearly every criticism levied upon him by his critics in Washington. Varlamov has remained healthy, while providing consistent and often spectacular play between the pipes, which is welcome considering that whenever the Avalanche score three goals in a game they are 12-3. This statistic isn't all that unusual, normally three goals will win a game. But what is unusual is that the Avalanche have only won one game in which they haven’t scored three goals, a 1-0 win in Boston on October 10th. What this means is that the Avalanche defense has not been stout enough to hold the opposition below three goals very often (they have only done it twice in games they have lost).

This is where Varlamov enters the picture. Since a 6-3 browbeating at the hands of the Penguins on November 15th, Varlamov has allowed the opposition to score more than two goals only twice. To be more specific, Varlamov has put up a goals against average of 2.03 or less in every one of his last six games. Varlamov’s consistency has calmed the team, and is in no small way contributing to their recent success.

While the Avalanche are doing well, and although I have preached on this blog before that fans need to be patient, the recent run of success is rather telling. Key players are maturing and making the most of their opportunities. While it would be presumptuous to think that the team can continue their recent run, at least it is nice to enjoy a span in which the team is heading in the right direction and learning to play more consistently.

Sources:
The Denver Post
Yahoo! Sports
Dobber Hockey
Youtube

Movember

2011-11-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

There it was once again. It had been there during times of glory and strife. During times of sunshine and rain.

Win or lose, Sidney Crosby's upper lip was there, mocking us, and today was no different. In his first game back after nearly a year he was going to show the world what he was. He wasn't just the greatest hockey talent of his generation. He was, in fact, a cowboy. He was a fighter pilot. He was Magnum, P.I.

The casual onlooker might give him the benefit of the doubt. He is still a kid in many respects but his brashness will not be denied. "You question my fullness?!" Crosby's moustache cries from the mountain tops. It begs to be seen. It wants you to look upon it and tremble in the fear of its potential!

It doesn't matter that mothers who fail to recognize him would be wise to hide their children.

It doesn't matter that moustaches the world over feel sadness upon meeting it.

Rather, it gives hope to all who one day wish to have what Lanny McDonald, Eddie Shack, Bill McCreary, and Joel Quenneville have. A pushbroom. A cookie duster. A nose neighbor, flavor saver, lip cap, and soup strainer.

A weasel penis.

Some may refer to Sidney Crosby's moustache as a picket fence. Others may refer to it as a war crime. Instead we should recognize it what it is: a mantle of courage.

Sid tries hard year in an out to show the world that he is not only the greatest hockey player, but that he is a man, damnit! Those who would disparage that thing on his upper lip that makes reasonable men want to call the police are wrong. Dead wrong.

It isn't his fault!

One day we will see, and quake and weep as we gaze upon its majesty.

Occupy Tampa

2011-11-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Something tells me Chris Pronger doesn't play Chess.

Recently, I had the time to sit down and catch up on one of my favorite radio shows, Radiolab. In an episode from August 23rd the theme is games and why we are so fascinated with them. During one portion of the episode the discussion focused on how, at the professional level, the game of checkers was taken to an absolute stalemate by James Wiley and Robert Martins at the World Checkers Championship in Glasgow, Scotland in 1863. Between them, all forty games they played ended in a draw. Even stranger, 21 of the 40 games were the exact same game. They had taken checkers to its limit. As it turns out, there are a limited number of moves in the game of checkers and as professional checkers players they had memorized every possible move and executed their games perfectly. This led to checkers hitting rock bottom as a game.

In the same episode of Radiolab the hosts then go on to discuss the game of chess. I'm a big fan of chess so I found the following tidbit of information to be particularly interesting: There are vastly more possible games of chess than there are atoms in the universe. So, chess is cooler than checkers, but we already knew that.

In case you missed it, this week the Tampa Bay Lightning hosted the Philadelphia Flyers for a game of ice chess and indulged in some stunning theatrics.

No, not this kind

This kind.

As stated in the broadcast there is nothing wrong with the Lightning playing their 1-3-1-zone defense, just like there is nothing wrong with a hockey team playing any kind of trapping defense. Nothing in the NHL rulebook states that teams have to forecheck or play a style of defense that allows for an opposing team to have their way. Still, this did not prevent Chris Pronger and the Flyers from sitting on the puck on national television and, at least in Pronger's mind, taking a stand against what he and his coach, Peter Laviolette, believe is a defensive style that could kill hockey. Ironically, it took Pronger literally killing the game for him to make this point.

Since the dreaded days of the pre-lockout "trap", which did plenty to kill hockey’s popularity, hockey has become a much faster game. The subtraction of the red line after the lockout eased some of the pressure in the middle of the ice by allowing for two line passes and the game has seen much more fluid play through the neutral zone. Defensive strategies like the 1-3-1 are a response to this. The 1-3-1 defense takes away an offense's ability to gain speed through the neutral zone by placing three players across the center of the ice in an effort to restrict space while leaving one defender behind to clean up the mess. Not surprisingly, teams which insist on playing horizontal or East-West style games have trouble cracking this defense and suddenly, to them and some fans, the game appears to have been taken back to the days of the trap.

Seeing this defense, and obviously frustrated, Chris Pronger decided that he'd had enough. He would either prevent Tampa from employing the 1-3-1 by forcing the Bolts to forecheck, which breaks up their formation, or he was going to take his puck and go home. How sad.

In chess, there are a multitude of tactics designed to take advantage of a stifling defense, just like in hockey. If there are vastly more games of chess than there are atoms in the universe, then surely there are vastly more games of hockey than games of chess because there are more variables in hockey. Thus, it’s a shame that the Flyers and Pronger, who combine speed and brawn, chose to essentially quit playing rather than find a way to break through the Tampa defense. The Tampa defensive scheme is not new. Washington employed it in the playoffs last season. Pronger’s choice to sit on the puck rather than to advance it up ice en lieu of a forecheck smacked of weakness and, ultimately, lousy coaching.

Chris Pronger and the Flyers could have played chess, but instead played checkers.

Many NHL players have voiced their support of Pronger since he took his "stand". Their support is unfortunate. The players need to understand that defenses such as the 1-3-1 will not go away even if the NHL bans them. Furthermore, cries in the media to outlaw zone defenses make it seem like broadcasters with NHL experience never actually played the game. Hockey as a sport is hugely reliant upon zone defenses to the point where the game cannot be properly played if they are eliminated. For example, if zone defenses are banned what happens when a team is on the penalty kill and attempts to employ a traditional penalty killing defense, which is a zone? Let's take this thought experiment even further and imagine that the NHL is converted into a game where only man-on-man play is allowed. Wouldn't large, slow players like Pronger (who thrived in the old days of the trap) find themselves at an even greater disadvantage against the speedier players of today? Perhaps Pronger knew he couldn’t break the Bolt’s D and his effort, or lack thereof, was really recognition that the game is passing him by as well as an acknowledgement by the Flyers that maybe they aren't good enough to win when confronted with confounding defenses.

The biggest problem I have had with the neutral zone trap and its variations is that opponents are quick to decry its existence while failing to recognize it exists for a reason. Most forwards in hockey are fast and use their speed to take advantage of space. The elimination of space is necessary to maintain order on defense. Therefore, the elimination of space in hockey is a necessity and zone defenses and their hybrids, such as the left wing lock, are the best way to accomplish that goal.

The counter to that logic is that the NHL wants higher scoring games. But is alteration of the rules so necessary? The Torpedo System, which has been used for well over 50 years in and out of the NHL, should work in breaking up trapping defenses—especially since the elimination of the red line. Has Philadelphia considered employing this or similar tactics? Perhaps they did and decided quitting was easier.

Chris Pronger has a right to voice his opposition to Tampa's defense, but for he and the Flyers to do it in such a fashion smacks of selfishness and a lack of creativity. Additionally, Pronger seems to lack the ability to understand that in protesting defensive schemes like the 1-3-1 he will ultimately end up causing him and his cohort’s problems should the NHL outlaw such defensive innovation. It is actually to his advantage to laud, rather than protest, trapping defenses as they favor slow defenseman after all. Pronger should shut up, play some chess, and learn to innovate.

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Next up on the DNP, I teach Chris Pronger that there is more than one way to make a ham sandwich before he loses his temper, goes to McDonalds, and holds up the line until they make him one.

So Far So...Good?

2011-11-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

Going into the new season I thought that I'd wait a month before writing my first DNP. My reasoning was that the month of October is no more of an indicator of success than the month of April is for baseball, or to a lesser degree, September for football. The hockey season, for good teams, can last nearly nine months, and often teams that go deep into the playoffs tend to flounder during the first month of the new season. Maybe it is because the guys don't want to stop golfing, but I'm told it is because defenses take time to build cohesiveness. Goaltenders often look like they don't belong in the NHL for several weeks after the first puck drops. Roberto Luongo is the best example of such floundering.

Luongo never does well in the month of October prompting angry Vancouver fans (and angrier fantasy hockey managers) to annually call for his ousting. Such frustration is amusing considering how everyone who pays attention knows that after October Luongo magically begins to turn out quality starts. Because Roberto Luongo is magic like that. Let me be the first to admit that Luongo has driven me to the drink on more than one occasion after destroying a fantasy week in the tenth month.

Yet he isn't alone in his ability to turn October into a preseason of sorts. Across the board seasoned NHL veterans universally take the month to get up to speed. Right on schedule Luongo, who played horribly during October, is gradually restoring his game to a competent level. This may come as a surprise to shortsighted fans who can see only red every time he steps on the ice.

During this age of the 24-hour sports news cycle, which is at best silly and at worst psychotic, the punditry across the NHL is always quick to point out how certain elite teams at the beginning of seasons just don't seem to have "it" anymore. As a team, the Detroit Red Wings always start slow before turning into a rolling apocalypse after the New Year, but this doesn't prevent some members of the punditry from decreeing that Detroit is on the decline every October.

Conversely, young teams and players with something to prove almost always start out of the gates quickly only to gradually burn out as the season drags on. Last season's Avalanche team was a perfect example. The Avalanche started hot only to hit the wall by December, after which the team virtually disintegrated both physically (nearly 450 man games lost to injury) and mentally (Craig Anderson).

This season the Avalanche have again started well along with the white hot Edmonton Oilers. Unsurprisingly, in the Press, we have been treated to several pieces extolling the virtues of the NHL's youth movement. While watching the likes of Gabriel Landeskog and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is thrilling, common sense tells us that once the older, more seasoned teams come online success will become more difficult for the younger teams to sustain.

We can then deduce that aside from perhaps one or two surprises, the usual suspects flush with seasoned veterans should end up in the thick of the race to the Stanley Cup. Vancouver, Detroit, San Jose, Boston, Pittsburgh, Washington, and Philadelphia should gain steam while the younger teams, like the Avalanche and Oilers, will gradually fall by the wayside. While watching such a fast game it is easy to forget that the NHL season is a marathon and not a sprint.

Whither Peter Mueller?

Peter Mueller should call it a career. Mueller, who was apparently ready to go at the start of the season, quickly landed on the bench with post-concussion issues and then spent the bulk of October off the ice. He is only now beginning to skate with authority in practice again and one has to wonder how effective he will be if he ever returns.

I spent much of my time in October contemplating the same issue regarding Sidney Crosby, who is also nearing a return to the action. How effective can a hockey player be if they are constantly worried about where and when they will receive their next concussion? Much of Mueller's game involves working in high contact areas and, like Crosby, is based on charging the net. If Mueller were to get back into action how is one to expect that he will return to the aggressive form that saw him rack up 20 points in 15 games with the Avalanche after he was brought over from Phoenix? To that end, how are we to expect Sidney Crosby, who is entering his prime, to play full seasons much less approach his massive potential? In this modern game, where players are massive hitting machines, I fail to see how any player who has suffered multiple concussions can be as effective knowing that they could be one hard hit away from retirement.

Semyon Varlamov is who we thought he was!

There was much hand wringing this offseason over the acquisition of Varlamov from Washington in exchange for first and second round draft picks. Many onlookers were quick to point out the potential value of the draft picks and some criticism went so far as to state that the Avalanche were taken for suckers in the trade. At the time I felt it was a fine trade and I stand by my assessment. Here's my logic:

The Avalanche were never in position to land either of last summer's big ticket goaltenders, Ilya Bryzgalov or Tomas Vokoun, nor could they stick with their stock and improve. First of all, the Avalanche could not have been seriously considering Vokoun as he was the ripe old age of 35. At best Vokoun has perhaps 2-3 more productive years left. Bryzgalov, though hovering around the age of 30 had, like Vokoun, spent the bulk of his career propping up substandard hockey teams,so he had no desire to support an Avalanche team which is several years away from contention. Secondly, the greater goaltending landscape, both organizationally and league-wide, was relatively sparse. Peter Budaj had run his course in Colorado and was clearly not a starting goaltender. Brian Elliott isn’t a starter either. If the Avalanche were going to continue with their plans of methodically rebuilding they needed to look for a young goaltender with potential.

Much of the criticism centered on the quality of the draft picks. But in my book draft picks, much like corporations, should not be considered people. People should be considered people. Joe Gibbs, the legendary coach of the Washington Redskins, lived by this philosophy. Draft picks are unknown commodities and considering how their relative worth is dictated by the success or failure of the team from which they were traded can turn out to be a lot less valuable. If the Avalanche kept the draft picks and instead threw money at substandard goaltending there was no guarantee where they would land in the draft. Also, whom they could draft and whether or not the players they picked would turn out to be valuable meant they could still have been stuck with crappy goaltending.

Varlamov, age 23, had already shown flashes of excellence during his time with the Capitals so the potential was there. His development, however, was hampered by injuries along with splitting time with Michal Neuvirth. It was looking that he was headed for the KHL. This meant he was expendable, especially since it appeared he was forcing a trade. The Avalanche could not afford to send Washington any of their current players (read offense) as they had already given up a major piece of their puzzle, Chris Stewart, in order to acquire Erik Johnson and I think, two...no, three McRibs. Furthermore, Greg Sherman didn't feel confident sending the restricted free agent an offer sheet, which Washington could have easily matched. Therefore, Varlamov, who was a known commodity, was worth the risk as the Avalanche were in a pinch and the brass knew that getting a living, breathing backstop would be better than another rough season with no guarantees.

As it stands, Varlamov is 5-5 with a 2.85 GAA and a .906 SV%. By any account his numbers stink but, again, he's young. He has plenty of years to grow into the elite goaltender the Avalanche believe he will become. Under the tutelage of J.S. Giguere, he has the opportunity to evolve into a truly dominant netminder. Given their strong start, if the Avalanche can improve on last season’s performance the draft picks will lose value and the Avalanche, barring miraculous drafting by Washington, will win the trade in the long run.

Ryan O'Reilly Is Kind of a Big Deal

Quick! How many third line centers are among their respective team's leaders in power play minutes? So much of my time watching the Avalanche is spent observing Matt Duchene and his ability to handle the puck that I often overlook the other 20 year old center who has shown massive potential. If the Avalanche have done anything incredibly well during their seemingly century-long rebuild it has been to draft centers who play well offensively and defensively. In this way, the Avalanche are benefitting immensely from the growth of Ryan O'Reilly.

If there was any important yet under-appreciated piece of the Avalanche's dominant teams of years gone by, it was the play of a strong two-way center. Stephane "Rebel" Yelle was the last grinding Avalanche center of note and O'Reilly is already outclassing him. For any team to garner respect in the NHL they need third lines that not only kill penalties but also have the ability to score when needed. O'Reilly scores and plays defense and appears to possess mystical abilities which allow him to see into the future so he can take advantage of opposing teams during the penalty kill. The kid is truly a jack-of-all-trades and will continue to be an integral part of the Avalanche as they improve.

About that Chris Stewart Trade...

Since I never got around to writing about it at length, what with the massive heart attack it caused, let's go ahead and break down the trade.

The Avalanche traded Chris Stewart and Kevin Shattenkirk to the Blues in exchange for Erik Johnson and Jay McClement on a dark day in February 2011. Little did everyone know that had it not been for the work of superhuman Chris Drury an asteroid, which was headed for Denver and was causing all the darkness, would have crushed the Pepsi Center the moment the trade was announced. But, I digress.

For all intents and purposes the trade boiled down to Stewart for Johnson. Johnson had in previous years been considered untouchable by the Blues’ front office as he is an ox of a human being. Stewart, before breaking his hand in a fight, appeared to be living up to his potential as a dominant power forward and was quite valuable as well.

Ultimately, the Avalanche felt that oft-injured David Jones was capable of filling Stewart's role on the team so long as he stayed healthy and landing a quality defenseman was an opportunity that could not be ignored. Considering how the Avalanche defense, on a good day, had more holes than Royal Albert Hall in that one Beatles song, it was a move that was necessary. Additionally, it was revealed that the Avalanche had future defensive super weapon Stefan Elliott primed and ready to go and all would be well...especially since Greg Sherman can apparently predict the future and foresaw drafting Gabriel Landeskog. The Blues, on the other hand, politely pointed out that Johnson was expendable as they felt he was not panning out and was, in fact, not as valuable as Alex Pietrangelo—the actual #1 defenseman on the team.

Since the trade made so much sense and everybody was so happy, Colorado Governor Hickenlooper immediately renamed Pikes Peak Mount Greg Sherman and forevermore a Technicolor halo of hope and happiness will encircle its summit, raining jellybeans on the hikers below.

So...where do we stand on that?

As of November 6th, 2011:

Chris Stewart- 13GP, 2 goals, 1 assist, -4, 27 penalty minutes
Kevin Shattenkirk- 13GP, 1 goal, 6 assists, +3, 6 penalty minutes

Erik Johnson- 14GP, 0 goals, 7 assists, -7, 0 penalty minutes
Jay McClement- 14GP, 1 goal, 0 assists, -1, 4 penalty minutes

Verdict: Everybody is stupid.

Next up on the DNP I trade Greg Sherman a sack of #2 pencils for pristine acreage in the Sangre de Christo Mountains.

The Beer League

2011-09-19T18:40:00.000-07:00

Growing up in Colorado I was afforded many opportunities to play sports. My home state is a bastion of outdoor activity, and the weather is generally accommodating, which allows kids the chance to play year-round. For my friends this usually meant playing football in a nearby park, or in a backyard. One of the strange facts about Colorado in the 70's and 80's was the distinct lack of accessible hockey. Kids were interested in it, but it wasn't easy to do, even if Colorado has always been a "sports" state. Allow me to explain before you get on your rickety "Colorado doesn't deserve hockey" soap box.

Ice and snow almost never stick around in Denver for very long, as the cold temperatures don't keep. In fact, I can recall only one time when the local pond froze over long enough for the local parents to shovel it off and get some games going. Most winters Colorado's front range tends to be windy and brown and never quite cold enough. Much of Colorado is not some kind of pristine, white tundra half the year. Those images are almost always shot high in the Rocky Mountains in places like Vail and Steamboat.

Where I grew up in Jefferson County there exists the Jeffco Ice Arena (or Ice Rink, or whatever we called it depending on the day, mostly it was called "Jeffco") where I first learned to skate. It was about a twenty minute drive, and if one was ever involved with a team, this was not a drive that a parent wanted to partake in at 5am, even if Colorado winters tend to be forgiving in comparison to those of the northern "M" and "N" states. Tournaments were either played at a couple locations in Jefferson County, in Boulder, at The University of Denver (an hour drive to the south), in Colorado Springs (a three hour drive to the south) or Vail (a three hour drive west into the mountains) so hockey was a massive inconvenience. Again, kids were interested in it but it wasn't easy to do. It required a lot of dedication, which is why hockey natives of Colorado (and even hockey transplants) tend to be very passionate about the Avalanche. Hockey is a tightly knit community forged in the crucible of having to drive long distances at odd hours.

Lately I've been thinking about this difficulty when confronted with the issues in my current league. The Daejeon-Cheongju Ice Hockey League has existed for about four years in South Korea. It was founded by some friendly Canadian expatriates who got sick of not playing hockey. I've been participating in the league for about a year and a half, and for the most part it has been entertaining, even if playing goaltender in a skilled beer league is never injury free. The good players shoot as hard as anybody.

Recently we lost our ice time in Daejeon (a five minute drive from my apartment) to a bunch of kids due to a lack of players. Attendance had been declining due to terrible recruiting and attrition (people who tired of Korea and left the country to go home) and we only had about five guys who could show up on Friday nights for practice. Combine that with the negative attitude of a certain drunk Korean zamboni driver, and less than tolerant management and we were out. This season we have to play all of our games in neighboring Cheongju, which is a solid 45 minute drive to the north. So it is pretty much the Cheongju Ice Hockey League this season, and maybe permanently. The loss of the Daejeon rink was big and is threatening to kill the league.

I was reminded recently during the drive to play three consecutive games (due to a lack of goaltenders) of the drives I used to take during my 20's up north to Boulder from Westminster to play late night games in the middle of the week (which I also hated), and how my frustration with having to give up some Saturdays now to play a game I love in another town is a bit misplaced, because it is really no different from what I've almost always had to do.

As we were dressing my friend Andrew made a good point before what turned out to be long night of hockey. He mentioned that the league was an opportunity for those of us who loved hockey to still play. It wasn't a pro or semi-pro league, but it was, in every sense, an opportunity.

Sometimes it is easy for me to forget how good it is to play hockey in a country where the sport is seen as a strange anomaly. Perhaps that is something that I should learn from. Nothing is easy in hockey, just like few things are easy outside of the game. Living abroad in a country with a difficult language, where the people don't necessarily like you, and few people can be trusted is not something for the faint hearted. It is a stressful existence that involves periods of loneliness, doubt, and confusion.

For those of us in the Daejeon-Cheongju Ice hockey league, the drama and difficulty of maintaining a league is ultimately something that draws us together. Some players take it too seriously, and others don't take it seriously enough. But in a way hockey takes on a larger role in Korea than it ever did for me in Colorado. It isn't just a game here, it is a way to, in no uncertain terms, maintain my ever waning sanity.

So here's to a new season, however long it lasts.

Grantland

2011-06-12T19:30:00.000-07:00

Sportswriting is a terrible chore. There are only so many sports which offer only so many stories. The obvious stories, which can be taken from a box score, are barely worth writing. Who won, who lost, who scored, who helped, who played, and who didn't play. There are shots, completions, drops, saves, possessions, fouls, penalties, ejections, and fights. An article can be written about a come back or blown opportunity. Another can be written about a game changing injury or stroke of luck. These fill most of the space in a sports section or website. In the truest sense that is all there is to sports. They are games of numbers, and nothing more.

The rest of the space is occasionally occupied by a personal interest story or an essay about league finances, which are mostly boring. The personal interest stories are sometimes good because they go beyond the field, court, or rink and bring fans closer to a game to which they are already wed. The task of the writer is to make the article as interesting as the game, which isn't easy. Instead these articles are mostly candy for the fans because they in the end make professional sports possible. We like the games. We love the distractions. We live to escape. We want to know the athletes outside the lines because we've invested so much of our time and money watching them do things within them. Ultimately, sports reflect society. We like royalty and things that shine.

The best articles are those that elevate the mundane to that of legend. Maybe its a story about an underdog, or a fallen hero. Perhaps it is about a scandal that goes unnoticed. Rare is the sportswriter who can take an ordinary game and bring the reader into it with the kind of wisdom and tact that inspires greatness.

Sports Illustrated to me always meant a visit to the dentist's office. Being coerced into the Volkswagen by my Mom to take a ride to a wood paneled, globe light ensconced dungeon where "A Horse With No Name" by America was drilled into my psyche as Dr. Bennett scraped at my molars. The only respite came in being able to read Frank Deford's articles in the waiting room while my brother and sister were forced to bite down on fluoride gelled mouthpieces, which would inevitably cause one of us to vomit in the back of the car on the ride home. I always associated those mouthpieces with football. If I was tough and didn't swallow the fluoride I'd be rewarded with not having to have those medieval torture devices stuck in my head. When the time to keep them in was up I would eject the horrible things from my mouth and jog back to the waiting room to relive what Refrigerator Perry or "Chrissy" Evert or John Elway did six months ago. The thing that made Sports Illustrated so good was that the writers took the box scores and the personal interest stories and crafted them into larger tales of competition and sacrifice. Life was life, and sports were but a part of it, yet they were the part which offered inspiration. Some years after Dr. Bennett's office, the internet came, and somehow sports became life, and lamentably things stopped making sense.

I first discovered ESPN.com while attending college at the University of Colorado. My freshman year featured Rashaan Salaam's 2000 yard season which was trumped by Bill McCartney shockingly calling it quits. The Broncos evolved from a laughingstock to juggernaut as they were pushed by an Avalanche team that came ready made and improved as the decade waned. Even the Rockies and Nuggets made a dent, albeit a small one, but it supplemented the sense of dominance. People had to recognize "backwater" Colorado. They had to pay attention. The internet forced them. The day that I sat down in the computer lab in the College of Environmental Design, I'd heard that ESPN had a website, so I brought it up in all of its 56k glory, and from that point on everything changed. Everybody seemed to know everything. Suddenly the magazines in the waiting room were no longer relevant. They became antiquated books of dreams left to rot in piles, thumbed through by kids with short attention spans who couldn't be bothered with reading.

For some reason around that time I stopped enjoying stories about sports. I'm not sure when it happened but I know it was fueled by the impatience brought about by the internet. I had to know what was going on all the time, immediately, and the internet provided that fix. I wasn't alone in this need, and as a result information was stretched out and became repetitive. Like a thin sheet of butter spread across too many pieces of toast. I became far too informed on trivial subjects, and suddenly I was that kid in the waiting room who couldn't be bothered to read. Journalists stopped writing deep, researched articles in major publications, because everything had to be quick or it wouldn't be published. Worse, many journalists seemed to stop trying entirely, instead resorting to interviewing other journalists and pundits. In the race for content, the meaning of content changed. Content became filler, and the filler had no substance. The line between reality and fabrication blurred and often ceased to exist. One had to search hard for the truth while knowing even then what they would find wouldn't necessarily be accurate. Later came social networking and we as people morphed into advertisements, while the internet as a whole became a place of lists, pornography, and people yelling. Content was sacrificed for a need to know and deliver knowledge.

As has been my routine nearly every day since the dawn of ESPN.com I brought up the page this week out of habit, forgetting that I had yet to watch the most recent Stanley Cup Final game between the Bruins and Canucks. Lamentably I found out about the score, and disgruntled I noticed that Bill Simmons was presenting something called Grantland. I rolled my eyes. I'm not a fan of The Sports Guy. I can't really relate to him. His articles, when he's not writing about Boston sports or the NBA, are mainly focused on popular culture and reality television.

There is no real substance to much of what Simmons does, and half of it isn't sports. Furthermore, he fell out of love with the NHL some time around the lockout and decided to stop paying attention and campaign against the sport. While I can sympathise with falling out of love with a team- the Broncos of late have angered me to the point where I don't really want to watch them play- I would never completely give up. So when I saw Grantland, and newly minted Boston Bruins fan Bill Simmons, I couldn't possibly take it seriously. What was he going to feature? Round the clock coverage of Snooki and Tom Brady? Long winded essays on how he really, actually, totally, still loves hockey? Please! Unfortunately, the site delivered plenty of both, but I managed to stick around and read an article by Chuck Klosterman entitled "Three Man Weave" about a small town basketball team which defeated a better team with only three players. Klosterman's article is well written and researched. He's been writing for a long time so excellence is to be expected. It wasn't necessarily Frank Deford in a dentists office good, but it captured my imagination.

I remember a television show a while back, perhaps it was Murphy Brown, wherein the plot revolved around the team doing cheap reporting on several shallow subjects in order to draw in viewers so that they could then be hit with one or two in depth, meaningful reports on important issues. The idea isn't new. A marquis on an art house sparkles for a reason. In this way, perhaps Bill Simmons is on to something. Perhaps at some point he recognized the importance of bringing true content back into sportswriting. Maybe he saw what I saw. Tons of information but no stories of legends and their battles. Simmons admits that he isn't the greatest writer, so any jabs he takes at himself are relevant. But his ability to see and address a need is pertinent. Grantland offers what many have termed a "dream team" including the aforementioned Klosterman as well as the likes of Malcom Gladwell and Dave Eggers. The group seems to be serious about bringing the substance back into sports. That it comes from an unlikely source is ironic, but considering what much of the internet has offered up until now, it is acceptable.

Somewhere out there there is a kid sitting in a waiting room with an iPad wanting somebody to tell him a decent story. One can only hope that this movement catches on.

Existing for the Sake of Existence

2011-02-18T20:30:00.000-08:00

I think it is a fair to say that over the years I have attempted to offer two things in this space: erratic writing and mostly glowing praise of the Avalanche. Until recently I have also enjoyed bathing in the sense of logic which has radiated from the front office of my favorite hockey team.

After Ryan Smyth was traded to the Kings and it became apparent that the Avalanche were going to rebuild, I took the opportunity to look at where the team stood versus the salary cap. At the time it looked like the Avs were going to be sitting pretty with over 15 million dollars in cap room. With the right pieces in place (Paul Stastny), a good draft or two (Matt Duchene) and what turned out to be a loaded farm system, they were primed to rebuild quickly, and I got excited. But considering the recent news that Craig Anderson has been traded to Ottawa for perennial underachiever Brian Elliott, coupled with their record nine game losing streak, and the whirlwind return and retreat of Peter Forsberg, my excitement has been warped into persistent psychotic rage.

If there is anything that keeps the average hockey fan going, especially if they like a bad team, it is a constant stream of rumors. It gives us hope. I like to believe that most hockey rumors are released via high frequency radio transmissions beamed from Don Cherry's arm pits, which allow the rumors, smelling of Old Spice and poutine, to permeate and soothe the frontal lobes of hockey fans with minimal interference.

In the days of the super secret Pierre Lacroix administration, the attentive Avalanche fan learned to deduce what rumors were true (none of them), and which rumors were false (all of them). Using this knowledge I adopted a fairly reliable system of figuring out what the Avalanche were going to do next. I liked to call it "Buy That Guy!" It was a good system, and relied on trading prospects for legendary athletes. The fun of it all involved figuring out which hockey legend would play in Denver next.

Unfortunately that system grew obsolete after the lockout and had to be altered so that it is now cold and more complex. I call it "Sweating Blood From A Turnip." It goes like this: Ride player A to much fanfare until player A ceases to produce, develop, or play well with others. Trade player A for cheaper player B. Whip player B until player B "spits the bit", then trade player B for cheaper player C, and so on and so forth.

To be fair, when the ownership of the Avalanche transferred from Stan Kroenke to his son Josh, the team remained committed to a rebuilding strategy that placed the team near the cap floor, as discussed in Terry Frei's Denver Post article last August. Unfortunately in the case of Craig Anderson, the rebuilding philosophy seems to have put him in an unwinnable position.

Last season when the Avalanche were supposed to be terrible, Anderson hauled them into the playoffs with an effort that can only be termed "heroic." But while his performance was admirable, it put the team in an undesirable position. They were still developing and their growing pains were masked by the goaltender. Furthermore, the team missed out on what could have been a great draft for them which featured the likes of Taylor Hall and Jeff Skinner. If the team had done badly, even going so far as to "tank", fans would not have cared, as losing in the present may have helped secure future winning. Instead the team won, expectations were raised, and the Avalanche missed out on the meat of a good draft.

This season Anderson again attempted to carry the team but hurt his knee. When he was left to recuperate, the offense did its best to make up for a disjointed defense, ranking near the top of the league in scoring. But Peter Budaj, who is not Craig Anderson, was left to hold the fort until Anderson's return, and the team plummeted to the bottom of the league in the puck stopping department, which did not improve when Anderson returned.

Goaltending is 99% mental. You either want to get in front of 90 mile per hour missiles or you don't. More often than not the desire to get in front of the puck stems from confidence. If you don't have confidence then the other team will score, and you not only lose your motivation but you lose even more of your confidence. This is where Anderson was not helped out by team management, they didn't bring in anyone to help the defense.

It is achingly apparent that if Anderson was healthy and not trying to push his injury (potentially) in order to secure a new contract, that he didn't want to play behind a pathetic defense. Who would? So rather than actively pursue defensemen who would remedy the situation, the Avalanche instead traded a good goalie who was obviously frustrated for worse, a bad goalie who is obviously frustrated. That is the wrong solution to what isn't a complicated equation.

Apologists will point out that the team at least got something for a player who was on the way out, or may be more severely injured than has been indicated, but I will disagree with that logic by pointing out that the player the Avalanche traded for does not seem to be a viable solution whatsoever based on past NHL performance. Brian Elliott wasn't in an "Anderson" type of situation where he was stuck behind a great goaltender (Thomas Vokoun). Elliott was given chances to help Ottawa and didn't. Yet we are expected to believe that Elliott is going to magically transform into Patrick Roy just because he isn't playing in Ottawa. Really? I may be wrong (I hope I am) and perhaps all Elliott needs is a change of scenery a la Peter Mueller, but at this point I'm having trouble seeing how he is anything more than a warm body on the bench. Why trade a good goalie who needed help for a bad goalie? Why not just bring in better defensemen?

At best Avalanche fans are being asked to accept a crappy trade with a "change of scenery" label on it. At worst, fans are going to get to watch the former Ottawa goaltender ride the bench. Where is the win here?

Let's get back to rumors. This trade, combined with the Avalanche not pursuing people like Ilya Kovalchuk last summer or Tomas Kaberle recently, says that rumors the ownership and management are more interested in just keeping the team close to the cap floor may hold water. These rumors, if true, involve ownership putting out a product that is just good enough.

The logic that that the team wants to save money to lock down future stars like Duchene holds, and is defensible, but I fail to see where icing two substandard goaltenders actually serves to help the team's bottom line. This runs contrary to the supposed motivation of the ownership icing a team that wins enough games to make a profit. It gives the appearance that the ownership is being cheap and doesn't care about winning, even if they are actually simply staying the course on a long rebuild. Fans won't won't pay money to watch a team that appears to be tanking, or willingly underachieving, so management of the team's message is absolutely necessary. That is where the Avalanche have truly failed.

If the team has garnered any well deserved criticism over the years it is that the team doesn't communicate well with fans. The Avalanche rarely advertise, and recently Matt Duchene met with scorn from the management for opening a Twitter account. Fans have often made light of the level of secrecy surrounding the organization, but in the case of the Anderson trade, this secrecy is hurting the team. The Kroenke's and team management have to understand on some level that communication is absolutely necessary, especially during a rebuild when fans are being asked to pay money to support a substandard product. Without communication it makes the organization seem devious and lacking in good will. The same criticism has been levied against the Nuggets, also owned by the Kroenke's, as they stand to lose Carmelo Anthony for what will surely be lesser players.

I don't like the notion that an organization might be in existence just to exist. The idea runs contrary to both human and competitive spirit. I want to believe that Anderson was traded simply because he had lost his will to play, or was badly injured. But in allowing Anderson to lose his will, the management and coaches must take at least part of the blame. How Craig Anderson could go from the toast of the town to trade fodder in less than a year simply doesn't make sense. It is truly a sad story.

Fans in Denver want to win. They need to win. If the rumors about the motivation of the ownership turn out to be true: that the Avalanche exist just to exist, then this would be a horrible revelation that could destroy the franchise. If they aren't true and the team is truly committed to a long term rebuild, then the team needs to explain what at least on the surface appears to be a bad trade.

-------------------

In the most recent news Kevin Shattenkirk, Chris Stewart and a second round draft pick have been traded to St. Louis for Erik Johnson, Jay McClement and a first round draft pick.

After hearing that I've decided to write about it when I regain the power to think rationally.

Here We Go Again!

2011-01-21T18:00:00.000-08:00

I find myself wondering what he is thinking this time. Athletes can't be faulted for wanting to keep the good times rolling, but in Peter Forsberg's case, the good times are broken down and sitting on blocks in the front yard. Maybe he sees what the rest of us see. That the Avalanche are fast and fun to watch. I can't fault him for wanting to be a part of the team. Wanting to be back with the guys.

I was there the last time Forsberg played for the Avalanche. It was game six of the first round playoff series against the Wild in 2008. The Avalanche clinched the series, and Forsberg hurt his groin. I saw it happen. Something gave as he skated up the ice, and he drifted slowIy back to the bench. "Pedro's hurt again," I told my friend. I knew then it had to be the end.

But I'm a sucker, just like the rest of us are suckers. When Forsberg was selected to the Swedish Olympic team last year, I got excited. I thought that maybe he would show the world that he still had "it." But then I noticed he would be playing on the third or fourth line, and the excitement waned. And when I watched, the excitement turned into sadness. Injured or not, Peter Forsberg wasn't really dominant anymore. He is, by any sports standard, old.

Sure, hockey had Gordie Howe and Chris Chelios. Players who were great far longer than they should have been. But they weren't really playing on one leg or no legs like Peter. When it was announced that Mario Lemieux would play in a game before the Winter Classic, my ears perked up, but then my eyes read "Old Timers game" and I shrugged. Age happens.

I'd love to see Forsberg back on the ice, making plays that nobody else can make, hitting people harder than anyone else can hit. I want to have fun again when I watch hockey. I want the Avalanche to roll through people, and so does Peter. In times past I got used to writing cynical columns questioning Forsberg's returns. He was always too hurt and everything seemed crazy. But this time I feel different.

I feel...I feel...happy?

Yeah that's it. I'm happy with this. I'm excited! I want this to happen!

Crank up the media circus and unfurl the banners! Peter Forsberg is back!

Everyone fall in line and make haste to the Pepsi Center. Fill the air with trumpets and stories of his greatness! Let this be a time of feasting and celebration!

Our hero is back for one last, last, last, last, last, last, ride!

And this time it will be different? Who cares?!

Joy!

Old Man River

2011-01-13T17:11:00.000-08:00

From what I can tell I am the only Avalanche fan in all of South Korea. My beer league is mainly occupied by Detroit, Ottawa, Vancouver, Blues, Montreal, and Leafs fans. In a sense it is a lonely existence, but there are good things about having a wide array of friends who like a wide array of teams. The best thing being that the majority of us can combine forces to mock the Leafs, Sidney Crosby is respected but seen as a punk, and Alex Ovechkin is almost universally worshipped, while Jason Spezza is almost universally despised.

The conversations tend to be wide in scope, and since Daejeon could be easily mistaken for a Canadian colony due to the large proportion of Canucks who live here, the hockey knowledge runs deep. Still, the lack of another Avalanche fan makes it difficult to have long conversations about where the Avalanche are going this season, and I often find myself with no one to high five when they score. Oh well...

If there is anything about the expatriate life that is guaranteed, it is that one spends a lot of time on the internet. At this point I can Facebook better than Mark Zuckerberg, and I truly appreciate that hockey, if not generally seen as an important sport in America, thrives in cyberspace.

From what I've read lately on the innertubes, wonderful bastion of hyperbole they are, the Avalanche are a horrible train wreck. Peter Budaj is seeing more time than Craig Anderson, the team has no defense, and the long absence of Chris Stewart allowed the Avs to go from "feisty and dangerous" to merely "feisty" or worse.

The win against Detroit this week provided evidence that the Avalanche can have games where they are overwhelming, yet after being shut out against the Blackhawks, the team provided the counter to that argument, and stand as winners of only four of their last twelve games.

I've preached before that the Avalanche are a young team, and that fans need to be patient with them while they develop. The fans seem to be trying, but for me, the patience is growing thin. Frankly, I'm getting sick of my own advice.

I get this idea that whenever I type the word "patience" into a computer I sound like a 75 year old man waiting on a couch for his tapioca to arrive. Maybe it is because inconsistent teams are difficult to write about, or maybe it's because my knee hurts and there's a draft coming from that dern window.

Colorado needs to show me something in the next month. They need to become giant killers. The return of Stewart should provide a spark, but this run towards the playoffs has meaning. The Avalanche need to take the next step towards success this year. The standards are higher, and they need to live up to them.

Now please, shut that door before you let all the heat out, and get me my stogie!

The Break Up

2010-11-29T07:43:00.000-08:00

I can't hate you, Broncos; I've loved you for too long. But I've just been in denial, I guess.

Sure, I'm not the same as I was when we met. Back then I was young and exuberant. I used to wear orange as much as I could, and I always had faith that you would do the right thing.

People picked on me in school all the time for liking you, but even when the Simpsons made fun of you we took it in stride. You were lovable.

There was John, Sammy, Karl, Rulon, the Amigos, Steve and Dennis, and Terrell, Eddie Mac and Mobley, and Tyrone. Who could forget Tyrone?!

We went to the playoffs all the time. It was great! But that was then. Things have changed, and I don't know if it is because I changed, or what? It's just that, nothing seems to work anymore.

You don't have any direction. You mope around in your bathrobe and don't seem to do anything to improve. These days you are out at all hours of the night, getting into fights and losing. That's it...it's the losing. There's just so much of it and it keeps getting worse! I mean, St. Louis?!

I think you need to get help, but I'm not sure where to start. You could stop hanging out with Josh, but I'm not sure if that would even matter.

I...I just think it would be okay if we saw other people for a while. At least until the time comes that you are ready to be in a committed relationship.

It may not be the right time to say this, but I've been seeing someone else for some time. No, it isn't another football team. It's the Avalanche. They just, I dunno, seem to understand how to win. They're motivated. Even when they were terrible there was always hope that they would find way to get better, and look at them now! They're young and vibrant. They're exciting. The sky is the limit! Don't act like you didn't cheat too. Don't even go there!

I dunno...they're everything that you used to be.

There, I said it. Just...stop...stop crying. This isn't easy for me either.

Look, you know my number. Give me a call sometime, when you're ready.

The Problem with Peter Mueller

2010-09-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

Lo, the long offseason is drawing to a close, and if you are like me you enjoyed a summer full of activities and "getting important things done." Like working on your next fantasy hockey draft, and impatiently anticipating the hockey season. For most hockey fans in this age of the 24-hour news cycle this summer meant reading articles and watching video on how the Devils tried to skirt the intent of the NHL's Collective Bargaining Agreement by signing Ilya Kovalchuk to a 36-year contract at the huggable salary cap compatible price of $10,000 a season. (Okay maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was close).

Since there was nothing else hockey related to read about, and if you, like me managed to somehow pay attention to the cyclone of idiocy surrounding the events, the Kovalchuk melee ended up being an eduction not on how a room full of lawyers and agents can and will find loopholes in anything if it means being able to chalk up billable hours, but in how desperate some teams will be when it comes to signing players with "generational talent."

There is little doubt that Kovalchuk is the kind of player who can turn a team into playoff threat (at least on the offensive end of the ice) so New Jersey's desire to lock him down for the rest of his career was understandable.

But if you are an Avalanche fan like myself the events of the summer left you scratching your head at the inactivity in Denver when at very least tossing some kind of offer in the direction of Kovalchuk's agent would have signaled that the home team was interested in improving sooner rather than later. For the Avalanche organization to not even bat a collective eye in the direction of Kovalchuk, considering the team's history of trading for and signing greatness, the summer, at least for me, proved to be extremely frustrating.

The frustration stems from the fact that the Avalanche seemed intent on relying on Peter Mueller as a top six forward, even though long before he was traded to Denver for Wojtek Wolski his concussion problems were apparent. It had long been my belief that Mueller's scoring/doghouse issues in Phoenix weren't necessarily because of fireworks between he and coach Dave Tippett. I believed that the former first rounder's problems stemmed from his first concussion which prompted him to play passively, thus resulting in lower confidence and lower production.

Mueller did get back on track after the trade to the Avalanche and looked to be a steal, but Rob Blake made sure that Mueller would not be a factor for the Avalanche by dealing out his second concussion late last season.

For Mueller it was his second major concussion in little more than a year, and for me it was when the red flag went up on his career. Peter Mueller was incredibly close to encroaching upon "Eric Lindros territory" in the concussion department.

Going into camp the Avalanche were a few million dollars under the salary floor of $40.8 million, but more or less remedied that situation by signing Chris Stewart and Mueller. Mueller specifically signed for two years at two million per.

I had no problem with signing Mueller for relatively cheap over such a short span because in my mind Mueller was walking a fine line between success and disaster, and a contract with a longer term would have been foolish. Unfortunately disaster struck and Mueller was dealt his third concussion during the first game of the preseason.

Much of the argument and speculation seems to be circling around why Mueller wasn't wearing a newer, safer helmet when he got his third concussion, which is completely valid. How a player with a known history of concussion problems was allowed to set foot on the ice without the latest in protective equipment is most certainly irresponsible.

Still, the bigger question is why a team that is around $17 million under the salary cap would rest on the notion of Peter Mueller becoming a dependable top line wing without having some kind of backup plan.

This is where the Avalanche may have missed the opportunity of the decade.

The reconstruction of the Avalanche has been impressive. Recent years have brought a wealth of young talent, with the success of last season showing that the best is yet to come. But the Avalanche would have been well served if they would have tried to sign Kovalchuk, hefty contract or not. If they had landed him, the Avalanche would have solidified the soft spot on their offense (left wing) with a superstar, while Mueller continued to play on the second line with phenom Matt Duchene. If not, the Avalanche would have at least given the impression to their fans that they weren't just developing the team, they were making the leap back to the level of contenders, which would have helped fill otherwise empty seats at the Pepsi Center.

While I'm unable to live in the heads of the Avalanche brass, it is probably safe to assume that Kovalchuk was considered, but then the decision was made to hoard cap space in order to sign the talent they do have when the time comes, while biding their time in the free agency market.

Such a strategy seems to be working for the team in a league where contenders such as Chicago have had to shed massive amounts of payroll just to keep their cores intact. In that case what the Avalanche are doing should pay off, but the Mueller injury set the offense back if not by magnitudes, at least in the area of left wing, which is now going to be even more of a problem than it was last season. This is where taking a risk on landing Kovalchuk, even at a high salary, would have been a smart move.

Recent reports have stated that Matt Duchene will start the season playing the wing with the injury prone David Jones centering he and Milan Hejduk. At first and second glance I cannot imagine that this is the situation Avalanche had in mind. Should such a situation continue (from the looks of it Mueller isn't coming back anytime soon), Duchene's development into a top flight centerman could be hampered.

For an organization on the rise, success on offense this season may come down to this summer when the Avalanche took a risk on the wrong player. If so, the ripple effect of Mueller's absence will be something cannot be ignored.

Sweet, Sweet Sanity

2010-04-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Coach Sacco,

After observing yesterday's bloodbath in San Jose I've decided to do what I can to help the Avalanche defeat the Sharks. No, I'm not offering up my services as a goaltender, the Avs are doing fine in that area. Besides, I would end up allowing 15 goals and would probably blow out my back and start swinging my stick at any Sharks player within ten feet of the parking lot.

Instead I've come up with a list of things that you can do to give the Avalanche the edge they need to defeat the #1 seed.

1. Use speed. No, I don't mean utilizing the speed of the Avalanche forwards. I mean literally give them speed. Trucker speed, and lots of it. They look tired. Some people may frown upon the use of illegal substances by NHL players, but if the report that recently came out in Sports Illustrated is true, the Capitals are full of something, and it isn't "spirit."

2. Use sugar. I know what you are thinking here, "if I give sugar to Duchene and O'Reilly they'll be bouncing off the walls like they're back in romper room." I don't mean using sugar like that. I think you should consider putting it in the gas tanks of every San Jose player so that they have trouble making it to the games. Your first target should be the Trans AM that I imagine Joe Pavelski owning. Don't worry about putting any in Joe Thornton's tank. He hasn't made it to any games yet.

3. Hire Bob Probert. I'm sure Bob isn't up to anything anyways, and he would be a nice counter to The Human Rectangle, Doug Murray. Just give him a cue ball in a sock, and let him roam free. He could also provide you with the "speed" I mentioned in suggestion #1. Wink-wink.

4. Fix the refs. This should be seriously considered. The Sharks have been given over twice as many power plays by the officials so far and it is obvious San Jose sent a little grease in their direction. Find out what they paid and outbid them. I'm sick of watching the Avalanche go on the penalty kill in the first minute of every game.

5. Summon the Dark Lord. I realize you are probably a God fearing man, but if Satan is anything like the axe wielding Satan in Guitar Hero then he at very least will rock out the locker room and provide some entertainment. The boys don't appear to be having any fun anymore. They have burned up all the "house money" they have been playing with, and kind of look like they want to go home. Even Craig Anderson is frustrated, and he's more easy going than a stoned Beach Boy.

6. Bikini girls.

7. Stop allowing San Jose to walk into your zone. Okay this is nuts. NUTS! But just listen for a minute. I'm not sure if you are trying to run the trap or not. After watching Craig Anderson get pelted this season I'm not sure if sure if you are running any sort of defensive system at all. But what I do know is that your team has nothing to lose, and it might behoove them to prevent San Jose from crossing the blue line untouched. I know. It's crazy, but give it a try. Also, tell the guys to shoot the puck at the net, and not at the corners, or the boards, or the glass, or the fans. In the last three days Dan Boyle has put more shots in on Evgeni Nabokov than the Avalanche have.

That's all I have for now. Please seriously consider my suggestions.

I swear I'm not crazy!

The Untouchables

2010-04-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Going into yesterday's game against San Jose I was apprehensive. The Avalanche had the opportunity to take a commanding 3-1 series lead over the Sharks, but in the back of my mind I had my doubts.

San Jose had controlled the previous game only to lose on what amounted to a lucky tip by Ryan O'Reilly, while Craig Anderson was superhuman in stopping all 51 shots he faced. Being an Avalanche fan it was easy to get into the mindset that all the team had to do was squeak out another one at home and the rest of the series would be gravy. That Anderson would be there come hell or high water, and all the boys needed to do was get another couple of bounces.

Credit goes to San Jose for not folding after Dan Boyle's gaffe in game three. The Sharks could have wilted and gone home with the series in peril, perhaps accepting the excuse that destiny wasn't on their side. Yet like the seasoned professionals they are, San Jose came out stout and determined. When Boyle scored in the opening minutes to absolve himself of all fault in the previous game, it seemed as though the rout was on. But that is when something changed, or for that matter didn't change.

The Avalanche held the fort.

Throughout this season every media pundit from coast to coast kept predicting the Avalanche's demise. Every expert had them pegged at last or next to last in the Western Conference, and that analysis made sense. The Avalanche were rebuilding. It was going to take time to return to glory. At one point I actually became frustrated when the team failed to underperform. I wanted them to stink so that they could land another lottery pick. Taylor Hall would have looked great in an Avalanche uniform.

Maybe parity can be credited for this season's rise of the Avalanche. The salary cap has spread talent around the league and there are no real powerhouses any more. Washington is strong and deep, and Pittsburgh and the Blackhawks are right there with them. But after that there are a number of teams which can, on any given night, upset any other team if the effort is there. Parity may enable a team to rebuild and even rise to the level of contender more quickly, but for a team to truly excel its personnel must work hard. There is something pure in that notion.

San Jose is a team full of stars, and should win. Yet it is because of their hard work that the Avalanche are even in this series, much less have the ability to take and hold a lead, and potentially win. This team, come victory or defeat, has managed to impress and amaze entirely because of their work ethic.

After the Sharks victory, the series now shifts back to San Jose tied 2-2. In the glory days of the Avalanche this was cause for concern. These days it should be cause for celebration. The series is back to even and the Avalanche have shown that they will not be defeated easily, with the pressure still resting squarely on the shoulders of the Sharks.

Avalanche fans should keep in mind that this is a team which is still growing and developing, and anything that happens in these playoffs is going to be a positive experience. There will be many more years of success, and we should enjoy the ride while it lasts. Should they beat the Sharks then they will have earned it. If they should fall their efforts will not go unrecognized.

For a team with nothing to lose, the Avalanche can do nothing but win.

The Goalie

2010-04-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

I almost felt sorry for them.

Almost.

They have been through so much over the years. So many times in the playoffs. So much defeat and humiliation, but none greater than this.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not this year. This year was the year. The year that everyone had to take them seriously. The year the Sharks finally got their names on the Cup.

Then it happened.

The mistake.

They had peppered him, the goalie. Shooting from every angle again and again. His team was being overrun! His team of kids; of children!

It isn't their time yet. They know it. Everybody knows it!

51 shots on goal. Fifty-one! All but the last one coming in regulation.

Greater goalies have wilted under less pressure, but not he. Not on this day.

Today he is the greatest goalie on the planet. Today he is being mentioned with the best. With Roy. With Hasek. With Dreyden and Brodeur. With Sawchuk, and Plante, and Hall, and Tretiak.

This guy? This team? Now?!

Now nobody will take the Sharks seriously. Nobody will fear them. They are the team that not only lost to a group of inexperienced kids, but lost in the worst way possible.

An own goal. How terrible it must feel.

They will try to climb back. They will try to take control. They will hit, and grind, and shoot, but this one will gnaw at them. It will tear them apart from the inside. They ultimately lost not because of what they did to themselves.

They lost because of him.

The goalie.

Craig Anderson.

Like Pucks Through the Hourglass...

2010-04-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

Not so fresh off of what I am calling "Hockey Day in Korea," I feel I owe it to you, my readers, to drag my husk of a goaltender's body out of bed to deliver a new DNP. These are the playoffs after all, and if our boys in burgundy can get up and take it to the mighty Sharks, I can certainly sit in a chair and slap a keyboard.

The day began full of hope and anticipation as YOUR Colorado Avalanche took on the Sharks in San Jose, and ended with yours truly getting beaten in Cheongju, Korea by a shot that defied all logic and bounced into the goal off of my back. Kill me.

A few thoughts have been rattling around in my head since yesterday's overtime loss.

First, if the Avs had a top-flight, shut down defensemen, they would be up 2-0 on the Sharks and the terrible, constantly booing fans of San Jose would be trying to figure out how their Sharks were beaten by a bunch of upstart punks, 5-2.

Second, Ryan O'Reilly is neither man or machine. Rather he is an interstellar entity made of pure energy and sandpaper. I hereby call upon the Colorado Avalanche Research and Development Department to assemble the world's best scientists to research O'Reilly, and find a way to duplicate him in the form of a shut down defenseman.

Finally, if Daejeon had anything resembling actual, decent nachos, complete with "cheese" and jalapenos (or even better "deluxe" nachos with meat, sour cream, and guacamole like they have at the Pepsi Center) I would not have a blog, I would have a giant tub of nachos in the center of my tiny Korean apartment which I would swim through like Scrooge McDuck. I have seen "nachos" here and I would not touch them with a ten foot pole. Fake cheese is not supposed to be pinkish, or greenish. It is supposed to be neon yellow and taste like "spicy."

Surely the Avalanche have been defying expectations all season, but it is my belief that a series victory over San Jose would not only force that portion of California into hiding in their mom's basements out of shame, but would put the Avalanche on the fast track towards dominance next season.

Until the last game against the Sharks, the Avalanche had shown poise and confidence beyond their years. Behind the extremely stout goaltending of Craig Anderson they have given hope to many Colorado hockey fans who were otherwise ready to hunker down for many years of rebuilding.

Anderson did his best once again to stop the bleeding against the incredibly talented Sharks, stopping the puck 46 out of 52 times, but if the Avalanche are to have any chance of surviving the first round, they must patch the holes in their defense.

Ryan O'Reilly aside, the Avalanche seemed more like a group of eight year old children chasing around a soccer ball than a group of professional hockey players. They took penalties when penalties weren't necessary and avoided intelligent defensive zone tactics at inopportune moments.

I'm certain Joe Sacco did his best to explain to the boys that when you have the puck on your stick in your own zone on the penalty kill, the best option is to always hammer the thing to the other side of the rink, but this logic seemed to escape the Avalanche. Chalk one up to "lessons learned during your first playoff series."

This is a team of the future, but for them to have any chance of taking control of this series at home the Avalanche must play smarter and harder in their own zone.

If not, their inadequacies on defense will come back to bite them.

Pun intended.

Pony is a Dish Best Served Cold

2010-04-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

It is a grim day in Colorado sports history. Perennial patron of philanthropic pursuits Brandon Marshall has been traded to the Dolphins. Let me be the first to say how appalled I am by such an irrational move by such a storied blaggah de bloy blooo!

Excuse me.

BRRHGHGLLLL-UH BLAHHH-GO BLAHHH!!!

As I was saying, who in their right mind would TJKDLSDFNGAJKKKKK!

Pardon me.

As a tax paying American citizen of sound mind and constitution I can only think one thought at such a seminal point in Colorado sports history:

WHO WANTS SOME PLAYOFF HOCKEY?!

That's right folks, after what has seemed like far too long, YOUR Colorado Avalanche are back in the big shoe! And what better way to start off the festivities than a little in-game blog. So un-bind those soiled Broncos pantaloons of yours and kick back for some sizzlin' hockey action!

As always, this one's for the children.

Pregame

"Eh, once we get, uh, kinda that first shift under our belt everybody'll be good. But, uh, like I said, like, us everybody's been kinda sayin'; nobody been predictin' us to get into da playoffs, so we're just, uh, enjoyin' it right now, and we're gonna go out there and play hard and give 'em a good series for sure."

No front teeth. Wicked mohawk. Cody McCloud, ladies and gents!

First period

28 seconds- Penalty Chris Stewart. San Jose power play.

Did I mention this team is jocked? Calm down Avs.

Dany Heatley, fresh off of a stellar season played entirely out of spite for the Ottawa Senators, fires a howitzer into Craig Anderson as twelve Sharks shove the net off of its moorings. Two words nobody is using to describe the Sharks this season: hard up.

The Avalanche do manage to settle down a bit, and with a couple more stops by Andy this penalty is killed! The Sharks bench already looks unhappy.

While the teams grind it out I'd like to take a moment to jinx the hell out of the Sharks by pointing out how they have lost the first game of the playoffs in three consecutive seasons.

3:13- Ryane Clowe takes a sickle to the face of T.J. Galiardi. No penalty. Angry!

2:42- John-Michael Liles rings one off the post! I'm glad the Avs didn't trade Liles. He's been good for more than a few threatening shots on net lately.

Intermission.

I'd like to take a moment to give credit to the people of Phoenix for finding their way to Glendale in 90 degree heat for the game against Detroit. As my buddy Reggie, possibly the only decent Coyotes fan (by decent I mean he happens to be an Avs fan living in Phoenix, I refuse to believe there are actual Yotes fans) on the planet said recently, "last year I made it to six Yotes games and there were no people. This year they're actually good but we had a kid, so I couldn't make it to any games...not that anybody was going. Now they are in the playoffs and I can't get a ticket, and they are moving the team next season."

Desert hockey ladies and gentlemen!

Second Period

12:52- 4 on 4 hockey. Maybe it's me but something tells me the Avalanche might excel against the Sharks because of their skating. Maybe it is because Sharks are fat and slow.

11:40- The Avs buzz the net with Duchene and Liles skating circles around the Sharks defense.

I'd like to give kudos to Mike Haynes and Peter McNabb for constantly bringing up San Jose's shortcomings in the playoffs, specifically those of Joe Thornton. They are masters at the art of jinxing the hell out of opponents.

10:20- Sharks fans almost get a half-hearted cheer going. Good job gang. They are cheering for the #1 seed in the conference, yet their cheering always sounds forced. If I were a Sharks fan I wouldn't get my hopes up either.

8:14- Rob Blake goes to the box for hooking. No moleste!

Power play Avs.

Haynes mentions that the Avs have scored more power play goals against the Sharks this season than the Sharks have against the Avs. Yep, yep. Unh, huh. Keep it comin'.

7:22- SCORE!!!! John! Michael! Liles!

1-0 Avalanche.

Keep the focus, boys.

4:07- Matt Duchene heads off after getting slashed in the face by Evgeni Nabokov's stick. Again, no call. I'm starting to think the refs don't care too much if an Avs player takes some lumber in the grill.

3:35- The Avs surge, capped off by a point blank shot by Kyle Quincey. The boys seem to get riled up every time a young Avalanche star heads off the ice with an injury. I don't want the Sharks to hurt the Avs, but if it helps for them to draw blood, then so be it.

2:53- The Avs go on the power play after putting on a puck control clinic during the delay before a Sharks hooking call. All I can think of at this point is that Avs fans are going to enjoy many, many years of this kind of play, and it is only going to get better.

Power play Avs.

Duchene is literally bleeding from the mouth while skating on the power play. I believe this is known as "leadership."

The Sharks kill off the penalty but not before putting all of Silicon Valley to sleep.

Intermission

Maybe I'm wrong but did I just hear that Chris Pronger scored his first goal against Marty Brodeur since 1997? Rewinding...yep! 1997. Wow. You would think he would have found a way to elbow a Devil with the puck past Marty sooner than that.

Third Period

19:30- Mike Haynes wonders if the Sharks are "squeezin' those sticks a little tighter." I don't think the Sharks can squeeze their sticks any tighter than they have over the last three years, Mike. They're crushing diamonds!

12:01- Score, Sharks. Ryane Clowe turns away from the boards and throws one in, utilizing a garbage move from the Olympics known as "The Crosby Special."

1-1 game.

10:00-7:40- I think the NHL should start tracking debris on the ice, just because nothing says "playoff hockey" quite like debris on the ice. For two minutes and twenty seconds Torrey Mitchell's broken stick sat along the end boards behind Craig Anderson. During this time Anderson stopped Joe Thornton point blank twice, Evgeni Nabokov fended off a solid shot by Adam Foote, T.J. Galiardi was boarded by two Sharks defenders, and Anderson stopped another chance off of the rush.

I like to think Detroit works on things like "passing the puck off of loose stick blades" in practice. Just like how they practice firing the puck off of the end board just to the right of the opposing goal at The Joe. You know the one that makes the puck rebound right in front of the net? God I hate Detroit.

6:44- Whoa nelly! Speaking of funky bounces, Anderson makes a diving save off of a dump-in that appears to have deflected off the stanchion at the end of the Avalanche bench and caromed straight at the Avalanche goal. That's all the Avs need is to lose on a stupid goal like that and have someone like Pierre McGuire make a jackassed remark about how San Jose got the "bounces" and not understand that that isn't a funny joke or appropriate analysis under any circumstances. That said, the Avs need some bounces.

2:00- Crunch time.

1:00- CRUNCH TIME!

49 seconds- SCORE! Chris Stewart off of Rob Blake's foot in front of the net! GIDDYUP!

You want good bounces? You got good bounces!

Go Avalanche!

The Battle Within

2010-04-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

In a season in which shots to the head have been the story in the NHL, the Avalanche have suddenly found themselves in the middle of a sticky predicament.

During the Avalanche win against San Jose, a win which will likely vault the young team into the playoffs, former Avalanche hero Rob Blake knocked out Peter Mueller with a hard, blindside hit into the end boards.

Mueller is now out indefinitely with a concussion. As we all know, when "indefinitely" is mentioned in the same sentence as "concussion" it could be a long time before Mueller sees the ice again.

At the time Mueller had racked up three points in the contest, scoring two important goals in the process. He has benefitted from a rebirth in Colorado, and is seeing the kind of time on a top line that he wasn't getting in Dave Tippett's doghouse in Phoenix.

What is frustrating about the hit is that Blake didn't seem to intend to do anything malicious. The hit in every sense of the word was purely irresponsible. It was a "heat of battle" incident. Mueller was about to receive the puck and a charging Blake threw him hard into the boards at an awkward angle.

Understandably many Avalanche fans are outraged, and are demanding Blake receive a suspension for the hit. But the problem is again, that Blake didn't seem to intend to do anything malicious. He was simply playing hard in an important game. Blake managed to avoid an interference penalty, as Mueller had yet to touch the puck, but that should have been the end of any punishment.

As hockey players continue to stretch the tape with their size and weight every season I fear we will only see more of these kinds of injuries. Injuries which occur when gigantic, strong people moving at high speeds collide with each other.

To further complicate matters, hockey pads these days do more to protect players than they ever have, while at the same time allowing players to throw themselves at the opposition with less fear of injury. Alex Ovechkin takes advantage of this every time he charges an opposing player.

Paradoxically, many players such a Mueller continue to wear helmets which don't provide much actual protection. By "actual" I am referring to the difference between a stripped down, loose fitting, hockey helmet, and a football helmet which encapsulates the entire head. The NHL has been looking into different kinds of helmets which will fit more tightly on a players head, and with any luck new models should be introduced in the coming seasons. But in the end that just doesn't do it for me because we are simply putting band-aids on top of band-aids.

The biggest problem isn't the equipment or the size of the players. It is the attitude of players which may have to change, and subsequently the attitude of the fans. Changing that is far more difficult than introducing new equipment or rules.

Let's be honest. Hockey is entertaining for its hits and fights as well as its fast pace and scoring. Players are trained to hit hard, and fans like the players to hit hard. With that attitude something eventually happens, players get hurt, and fans end up outraged in some form or another. It is that way because we like it that way on some level. We enjoy the drama.

I've always wondered why we get so upset when someone on our team gets hurt by a hard hit, yet we feel such a perverse sense of joy every time an opposing player gets hit in the same manner. Is it a gladiator mentality? Is it bloodlust?

If something has to give then what do we as fans want? Do we take the NHL for what it is: a fast-paced, hard hitting sport? Or do we want players floating around with couch cushions on their bodies, being whistled for penalties like "skating too fast?"

With the erratic leadership being shown by the governors of the NHL at some point we may need to realize that what we are seeing on the ice is exactly what we are going to get, because in the end at some level, we want it to be that way.

The culture of the game hasn't changed much since its inception, only the players are bigger, faster, and more well protected. The injures we are seeing now are a function of those improvements and progress. Could sloppy hits be remedied by some better leadership at the top? Certainly. But I don't trust solid leadership to emerge from the top of the NHL any time soon.

Until then, we are going to have to take the good with the bad, meaning we have to take Peter Mueller's injury for what it is, unfortunate.

Perspective

2010-03-29T06:41:00.000-07:00

As the regular season winds down, it has become nail chewing time for Avalanche fans. I know that I've found myself glued to each game wondering what exactly has happened to our team of the future since the Olympic break. Did the team get out of sync during the two week break? Did they use up all of their mojo before the Games?

I believe the answer can be deduced if one takes a moment to recognize that we are seeing a team of youngsters nearing the end of a compressed 82 game, Olympic year schedule. The boys are tired. Young teams do this, especially in Olympic seasons.

After the recent 4-3 loss to San Jose, Craig Anderson set the club record for goaltender appearances in a season, surpassing Patrick Roy's mark of 65 games. In interviews Andy has mentioned that the team is just not playing well, and that he is fine. I'm not buying it. Even the lowliest beer league keeper (me) can tell you when a goalie and his team are fighting the effects of exhaustion.

There is a difference between being on top of your game and playing hard, and throwing beer cans at an opponent like a cross-eyed transit worker coming off of a double shift.

The Avalanche are playing sloppy, tired hockey.

If there ever was a time when the Avalanche should get snowed in at an airport hotel, allowing them to catch some much needed Z's, that time is now.

They are hitting the wall harder than Rocky working over beef carcass.

Maybe this slump by the Avalanche is revealing something about Coloradans that nobody has taken seriously up to this point. When Coloradans aren't stalking David Letterman or shooting people, most of the time we are capable of venting our emotions through sports. This recession hasn't been like the other recessions that have had a pronounced effect on the state. This one is deep, and hurts, and is taking a long time to go away.

It is revealed in every heated shouting session under every Denver Broncos article in the Denver Post. It can be seen after every win by the Nuggets. It can be felt in the recent excitement around the Rockies. Colorado needs to win something. Desperately.

Thus the problem with getting overly excited about the Avalanche this season. They aren't ready yet. This is a team whose average age will be under 25 next year, and are poised to be an elite team for years to come. We must be patient with them.

If the Avalanche make the playoffs this year, great. But keep in mind that this team was supposed to finish in the basement of the Western Conference. Would it be a letdown if they miss the playoffs? Certainly. It would be hard to fight off the effects of the heightened expectations that have come with the unexpected success this season.

I re-learned a hard lesson during Team USA's Olympic run that I spent much of my youth learning as a Bronco fan. Never get your hopes up when you and everyone else around you suspects (or even worse, knows) that the team you are rooting for isn't supposed to be where they are. Your heart will get broken every time.

When the Avalanche consistently crush opponents by five goals we should get our hopes up. Until then we need to be patient and hope they are able to right the ship enough to slide into the postseason.

The Backup

2010-03-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

After watching the Avalanche sweep their season series against the Blues for the first time in their history two thoughts occurred to me. First, the Avalanche have evolved into the kind of dangerous team that must be taken seriously down the stretch and into the playoffs. They have the kind of swagger and confidence that can take them deep this year. Second, if Craig Anderson were to go down with an injury, does the Avalanche team that must be taken seriously suddenly become a paper tiger?

It is surprising that the national hockey media has only recently taken enough notice of Anderson's accomplishments to throw him into MVP discussions, when Avalanche fans know he should be a favorite. Coming over from Florida, Anderson looked like a somewhat reliable stop-gap solution until the Avalanche could mature into a strong team. Yet for people who know a thing or two about goaltending, one only needed to look at Anderson's solid save percentages (.931, .935, .924) as Tomas Vokoun's backup to surmise that Anderson might be better than just a short term solution.

What Anderson has accomplished is that he has allowed a very young team to mature by providing steady, reliable, and often spectacular goaltending. Did anyone think that Anderson would be this good? Hardly. But at the very least the team in front of him hasn't had to worry about having to back check very hard, which has allowed them to focus on developing cohesiveness on other areas of the ice, and become a free wheeling, high scoring team.

Yet as much as Craig Anderson has been a steadying force for Avalanche all that they have accomplished as a team may come crashing to Earth if they have to rely on Peter Budaj to win them a playoff series.

I don't want to be too hard on Budaj, he has shown during his career with the Avalanche that he is capable of coming in and holding the fort. Yet last season when he was a starter for this team and was allowed to get a rhythm, he was mostly average, and occasionally terrible. Budaj blocked the shots that should have been blocked, but he was also prone to the kind of lapses that make fans tug their hair out in clumps. This season he has been better, and is enjoying a career high .925 save percentage backing up Anderson.

Still, what struck me about the game tonight against the Blues, in a game where the Avalanche needed points to stay in the hunt for the Northwest Division, was that Budaj pulled an "Abby", i.e a David Aebischer, in allowing a goal off of the opening faceoff. Keep in mind this was the same Blues team that Budaj capably shut out in December. The Avalanche won the game, but they won't win many with spotty goaltending of that variety.

As everyone knows the NHL playoffs are difficult and dangerous. Every player on every team presses extremely hard and momentum shifts decide games. As the Avalanche learned during their "super team" years, a bad goal allowed by an unfocused goaltender can be deadly.

In this the most improbable of seasons, the Avalanche not only look to be a team of the future, but they look like a team of the present. Craig Anderson has allowed them to develop and reach heights that nobody anticipated six months ago. Yet should misfortune strike, the fate of this team could rest on the shoulders of Peter Budaj. Is he ready to carry the weight if that time comes?

Thoughts on A Sunday

2010-03-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

In my first blog back after a week of recovering from the best hockey tournament of all time (The 2010 Winter Olympics) I've decided to go ahead and hammer out "thoughts" blog until I can get my legs under me. I know a couple of you are eagerly waiting for me to spank out my analysis of Malcom Gladwell's book "Outliers", specifically the portion where he asserts that birthdate in Canada leads to success in juniors, to that I ask that you be patient. I'm running the birth dates of every single Canadian NHL-er, and my computer is making strange noises.

MOlllllll-SSSS-ooonnnnnn!

On with the show.

-The thought that is going to stick with me about the USA vs. Canada game isn't that it was one of the best games that I have seen (It was). Nor is it that I am proud of the American squad for coming together and playing lights out against a team that iced at least 12 future Hall of Fame players (I am). It is that I wish it would have ended better.

For Sidney Crosby to score on what amounted to a "trash" goal has left a bad taste in my mouth. Worse is that the media on both sides of the border took it upon themselves to elevate Crosby to a god-like status. Surely Crosby did the smart thing by turning and throwing the puck at the net, but Jarome Iginla deserves as much or more of the credit for getting him the puck in the first place. The shot didn't surprise Ryan Miller, it just squeaked by. Those are the breaks I guess. Any way you turn it, it was an ugly goal, and for Canada to win like that (in a game they were supposed to win anyways) was more of a letdown than anything.

-After a week of Avalanche games (including yesterday's 7-3 dismantling of the Blues) I can't help but think that whatever special "medicinal" crack Joe Sacco has that team on, needs to be distributed to the rest of America in an effort to get the economy going. This is a team that as of last summer looked to be at minimum three years away from even making the playoffs. Now I would pick them for a first round win and possibly a second round upset.

-Speaking of the dismantling of the Blues, can somebody, anybody explain to me what the big problem was in consistently playing Chris Stewart before this season? Was it Joel Quenneville and Tony Granato's plan to keep Stewart down in the minors until the chip on his shoulder was so big that he is now able to use it to fire lightning bolts from the blue line at a dead sprint? If that is the case, then kudos. But I suspect it had more to do with waiting for the power forward to mature for a bit too long before bringing him up to the show.

-Mueller....Mueller? Who wants to bet Peter Mueller goes for 70 points next season after watching his resurgence this week in Colorado? Here is a first round talent who had a breakout rookie season, only to have his momentum stopped by a concussion, and then never really got back on track under Dave Tippett in Phoenix. Certainly players tend to perform better in the first couple of weeks following a trade, but the way Mueller is gunning perhaps all he needed was a change of scenery.

-Count me as one of the people who shrugged their shoulders upon the departure of Wojtek Wolski. Certainly being good in the shootout is nice, and his ability to smoke the rest of the league in points for the first quarter of every season is tantalizing. But after four power play goals in 150 games, enough was enough. I still think that if Wolski is able to put on some more weight and learn to consistently charge the net he could be great, but I'm not holding my breath. Unless of course he discovers like I did the fattening power of the carne asada burritos Phoenix.

-Finally, a big welcome back to Stephane Yelle! I missed his hustle almost as much as I missed his grit.

I'll be back with more later this week. Until then, to steal a line from legendary astronomer Jack Horkheimer, "Keep your feet on the ground, and your head in the stars!"

Shock. The. World.

2010-02-26T20:43:00.000-08:00

You gotta love when your team storms the Bastille like team USA did today against Finland. Six goals in the first period. Count 'em. And just like that Team USA will play for gold fifty years after the red, white, and blue took the top prize in Squaw Valley, and thirty years after blowing minds in Lake Placid. Could it happen again?

Nobody expected the small, young, and "undertalented" Americans to get this far. Nobody.

Here's the thing, the NHL needs a win by the Americans. Hockey needs a win by the Americans. To say the least the NHL in North America has been struggling since a lockout killed the 2004-2005 season.

The fact of the matter is that hockey is mostly supported by a nation that treats it like a red headed stepchild. On most days, most Americans have better things to do then try and follow around a black doughnut on a slick surface. The United States is fickle like that. We are content to watch modern day gladiators bump heads in publicly funded stadiums, rather than watch grown men on skates. Can Canadians live without hockey? No. But can the ignorance of the nation to the south kill the game at a professional level? Most definitely.

Sunday is the biggest of all big games for the sport of hockey in America. Team USA will once again take on a juggernaut, and the betting money will be going in the direction of Canada.

Can team USA supply the kind of jolt that will re-awaken American hockey passion?

Do you believe in miracles?

The Dirty

2010-02-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

Entering today I felt that the winners in the quarterfinals of the Olympics would be pretty clear cut. The United States, riding a wave of momentum was geared up to dispatch the Swiss. Team Canada would be challenged, but ultimately overcome the Russian invasion. The Finns and their ability to come together during the Olympics would mildly upset the Czech Republic. Finally, the Swedes would prove superior to the suddenly dangerous Slovakians. When the day was over I was mostly right. Let's have a look.

Men's Quarterfinal #1- USA vs. Switzerland

Result: Team USA scraped out a victory, 2-0.

What I said:

Both Miller and Hiller (hey that rhymes!) have been incredible up to this point. Miller has his uplifting win over Canada, and Hiller has his uplifting almost-win over Canada. The Swiss have been trapping harder than an Arizona minuteman at the border, but the Americans have all the momentum in the world after shocking the rock on Sunday. This game will be close because I expect Team USA to deal with a bit of a letdown, but in the end the Americans should prevail.

Winner: Team USA

Analysis: Once again Ryan Miller stepped up and delivered a shutout against a Swiss team that played hard, but ultimately ran out of gas. Had this game gone 6 periods it's possible the Swiss may have found a way to win, but in the end Zach Parise found the will and the way for the Americans, scoring both goals. A big tip of the hat to Jonas Hiller for showing the world once again why he should not be taken lightly in tournament play.

Men's Quarterfinal #2- Russia vs. Canada

Result: Canada stomped the commies 7-3.

What I said:

The question here is whether or not Team Canada managed to gain some cohesiveness during their game against Germany, or if it was a case of a bunch of angry Canucks doing mean things to a bunch of hapless umlauts. One has to think Mike Babcock will keep the line of Iginla, Crosby, and Staal together if only because he has to go with something that is working. That said, Canada must get some production out of the Thornton line for Canada to have a chance.

On the flip side Team Russia has flipped on the afterburners since Evgeni Malkin was put together with Alex Ovechkin. Russia's weakness as I have stated before is in their defense. Outside of Gonchar and Markov this team has some questions. Considering that Team Canada was in disarray not but 48 hours ago, and the fact that the Russians have had some issues on their end coming into this game, I'm thinking that once again this one is coming down to the goaltending. If that is the case I have to go with Roberto Luongo playing in his building, in his country.

Winner: Team Canada

Analysis: What is shocking about the result of this game is not that Canada came out focused and angry, nor is it shocking that they managed to pump in seven goals against what was widely regarded as the second best team in the world. What is shocking is how Alex Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin were rendered almost completely irrelevant by the Canadian defense. Check out Ovechkin and Malkins lines for the game:

Ovechkin:

No goals, No assists, 3 shots on goal, minus-2, 23 shifts

Malkin:

No goals, 1 assist, 3 shots on goal, minus-2, 22 shifts

That my friends is IN-CRED-I-BULLLL!

The Canadians are officially rolling at this point. Am I scurred? I ain't scurred...I think.

Men's Quarterfinal #3- Finland vs Czech Republic

Result: You read it here, Finland over the Czechs 2-0.

What I said:

Finland has to be reeling a bit after getting stomped by arch rival Sweden on Sunday. But on the other hand there is a good chance Jaromir Jagr is still trying to figure out what country he is in after being taken behind the woodshed by Ovechkin (which may or may not have been the reason he had to leave the game against Latvia in the first period).

I mention Jagr because if he plays the entire game against Latvia, and is healthy, there is no way the Czechs win by only one goal, and even then that game doesn't go into overtime. If I take that into account along with the fact that Finland and Miikka Kiprusoff have had a chance to rest up since their loss to the Swedes, I end up leaning more in the direction of Finland in this game.

Winner in a mild upset: Finland

Analysis: This was a strange one, as a well intentioned but not well thought out rule assisted the Finns. Long story short, Czech defenseman Pavel Kubina dropped to block a shot during a Finn power play late in the third period but lost his helmet in the process. According to International Hockey Federation rules, a player who loses his helmet must promptly return to the bench. What Kubina did was leave his man, Nicklas Hagman, in front of the net and go to retrieve his helmet. Hagman then promptly scored.

Both teams agreed after the fact that the rule which was intended to ensure the safety of players was a stupid rule. The DNP agrees with this assessment, as losing your helmet during play means that it is man time, and risking your safety in exchange for helping out your team is your choice.

That said, Miikka Kiprusoff was more or less, and not just a little lucky in helping his team to the win. At one point Jaromir Jagr had Kipper beat and fanned on an open net. In fact, it was Jagr's limited play (he was playing injured) which may have been the difference maker in the game.

Men's Quarterfinal #4- Sweden vs. Slovakia

Result: Shock the world Slovakia wins 4-3!

What I said:

Wouldn't it be something if the Slovaks rose up and took down the defending Olympic champions? It is something to consider. Jaroslav Halak has been otherworldly in this tournament, and any team icing Marian Gaborik and Marian Hossa cannot be ignored.

Still, it is difficult to bet against King Henrik at this point. Halak may be the up and comer, but Lundqvist is an Olympic champion. Additionally it is hard to ignore the contributions that have been made by Swedes who aren't the Sedin twins. Nicklas Backstrom is a superstar along with Daniel Alfredsson and Johan Franzen. Not to mention that there are plenty of Swedes who still have some gas left in the tank...like say...Peter Forsberg.

Winner: Sweden

Analysis: I'm officially upgrading Slovakia on my Boston townie threat chart from "Wicked" to "Pissah!" What a game by the Slovakians! Pavol Demitra had three points. Marian Hossa had three assists. The Slovaks were up 2-0 early only to have the Swedes even it up before Demitra put his team up for good. You want vermouth? You can't handle vermouth! If it wasn't for the United States rattling Canada's cage on Sunday this would be the upset of the tournament. Slovakia is for real. Incredible.

Quarterfinal prediction results: 3-1

Tournament record: 18-5

Let's move on to the biggies. It's man time.

February 26 (The official birthday of the DNP)

Men's Semifinal #1- United States vs. Finland

USA: Ryan Miller

Finland: Miikka Kiprusoff

This should be another tight game for the Americans, and for the Finns. The teams are fairly evenly matched. The difference maker? Team speed. As the Americans showed against the Canadians their youth movement wasn't in vein. Team USA can sprint. Ryan Miller is lava hot at this point, while Kipper is merely at a rolling boil after his strange win in the last round.

The Finns are a tricky team to analyze. Miko Koivu is the star of the squad these days, and frankly that makes me shrug my shoulders like I should care. Gone are the days of a dominant Teemu Selanne and Saku Koivu. I feel like I should take Finland more seriously, but the Americans are rolling.

Winner: Ryan Miller- USA

Men's Semifinal #2- Canada vs. Slovakia

Canada: Roberto Luongo

Slovakia: Jaroslav Halak

Considering the antics of the Slovakians they would be the sexy pick at this point...except that they are up against a juggernaut manned by several hall of fame quality players. Team USA did accomplish an upset against them, but at this point I think what they may have done was awaken Godzilla. The Canadians are pissed and focused. If there are any questions I recommend you take a look at the scattered wreckage of the Russian team.

Winner: Roberto Luongo- Canada

If all goes as planned we are looking at a USA-Canada final, which two weeks ago nobody saw coming. All I can hope for here is that everyone finds the time to tip their waitresses.

Quarters, Nickels, and Dimes

2010-02-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Here we are in the Olympic quarterfinals, and if you feel like I do the start of the hockey action seems like it was six months ago, even if it was only a week ago. Sakes, Olympic hockey takes a lot out of everyone, including the players! I'm still riding high on Team USA's epic win over Team Canada, and here's hoping the Americans still have some juice!

One note here, I neglected to write about the qualifying round on purpose because I felt that the better teams (Canada, Switzerland, Czech Republic, and Slovakia) would all prevail over the lesser teams (Belarus, Germany, Latvia, Norway), and fortunately I was right.

One thing to notice about the "play in" games was Canada dismantling Germany 8-2 behind a stellar performance by Roberto Luongo, who in my opinion should have been in goal for Canada in the first place. Also, Jarome Iginla was put back on the Crosby line along with Eric Staal, and the combination paid dividends. Canada is not out of this tournament by any means.

One more thing. If you would like to read up on my preliminary round results, please feel free to check them out HERE.

Let's get down to it!

Wednesday, February 24th

Men's Quarterfinal #1- USA vs. Switzerland

USA: Ryan Miller

Switzerland: Jonas Hiller

Winner: Team USA

Men's Quarterfinal #2- Russia vs. Canada

Russia: Evgeni Nabokov

Canada: Roberto Luongo

Whoa nellie! The ice will melt in Vancouver before this one is done. Surely it is a bit of a letdown that one of these teams will walk away without a medal, but in the end I'm an American, and I'm okay with that.

On the flip side Team Russia has flipped on the afterburners since Evgeni Malkin was put together with Alex Ovechkin. Russia's weakness as I have stated before is in their defense. Outside of Gonchar and Markov this team has some questions. Considering that Team Canada was in disarray not but 48 hours ago, and the fact that the Russians have had some issues on their end coming into this game I'm thinking that once again this one is coming down to the goaltending. If that is the case I have to go with Roberto Luongo playing in his building, in his country.

Winner: Team Canada

Men's Quarterfinal #3- Finland vs Czech Republic

Finland: Miikka Kiprusoff

Czech Republic: Tomas Vokoun

Winner in a mild upset: Finland

Men's Quarterfinal #4- Sweden vs. Slovakia

Sweden: Henrik Lundqvist

Slovakia: Jaroslav Halak

Winner: Sweden

That's all for now, I'll be back in a day or so to assess the damage.

Movin' On Up

2010-02-24T05:30:00.000-08:00

So here we are after a raucous opening week of men's Olympic hockey. There have been some close calls, some monster hits, some dirty plays, a minor and a major upset at this point. The quarterfinals should prove to be even more exciting! Let's get down to the dirty.

Tuesday, February 16

USA vs. Switzerland

Result: USA won 3-1 over Switzerland.

What I said (In so many words...)

If there has been a better keeper in the NHL this season then someone should tell Ryan Miller about him. Goaltending is America's hope in these Games considering the rest of the squad is young, and not very deep towards the end of the 4th line. If the US is truly the dark horse this year it will be because of Miller.

If the Swiss play Gerber over Hiller then the US wins handily. Gerber hasn't been relevant well, ever. Hiller showed in last season's Stanley Cup tourney that he is capable of rising to the occasion. If Hiller plays this could be a close one.

Winner: Miller- USA

Analysis: Miller got a great start to the tournament with a win over a surprisingly strong Swiss contingent that was playing a very stout trapping game. Jonas Hiller proved once again that he can be a monster in a tournament format.

Canada vs. Norway

Result: Canada won 8-0 over Norway.

What I said:

Does Team Canada throw out Brodeur or Luongo, both of whom were distracted and pulled from their respective pre-Olympic NHL games? My money is on Luongo. He is the best Canadian goalie at the right time, as Brodeur is in a nasty slump.

Winner: Luongo-Canada

Analysis: Canada rolled and smoked Norway like Cheech and Chong at Burning Man. Jarome Iginla was a man on a mission with an opening game hat trick, and Luongo came out on fire with a shutout. Little did we know then that Canada may have been much better off keeping Robbie between the pipes!

Russia vs. Latvia

Result: Russia 8-2 over Latvia

What I said:

Nabokov should get the start here, although something tells me that Bryzgalov has a 2x4 sized chip on his shoulder that has come from tugging along an upstart Phoenix club this season. Russia's offense is pow-er-FUL, but their weakness is on defense after Sergei Gonchar and Andrei Markov, both of whom are more offensive than defensive. The Russian goalies will see shots.

Winner: Nabokov-Russia

Analysis: The Russians are an incredibly strong team and did little to disprove that in this game. Ovechkin topped all scorers with two biscuits in the basket.

Wednesday, February 17

Finland vs. Belarus

Result: Finland won 5-1

What I said:

Something tells me to watch out for the Finns this year. They have a way of coming together in the name of nationalistic pride like no other country. Kiprusoff should have a strong tournament, as he has been a steadying force on an erratic Calgary club this season.

Winner: Kipper-Finland

Analysis: I think the only thing that could be considered shocking about this game is that Kipper actually looked bored. I guess I felt Belarus would put up more of a fight. Teemu Selanne came within spitting distance of setting the all time Olympic scoring mark.

Sweden vs. Germany

Result: Sweden eked out a close one 2-0

What I said:

This will be an interesting team this year with the addition of Peter Forsberg and the late, late addition of Johan Franzen. Still, this article is about the keepers, and Lundqvist clearly dominated in the last Olympics. This year should be no different although Lundy has played a bit timidly for the Rangers this season. If he falters I'm left wondering if Sweden will have the goaltending to stay in the tournament. Gustavsson is the heir apparent but is a bit young, and Stefan Liv won't be used to this level of talent.

Winner: Lundqvist-Sweden

Analysis: This could have been a game where Sweden dropped an easy one to a heavy underdog, yet they managed just enough scoring to keep the umlauts at bay. Peter Forsberg emerged on North American ice for the first time in over two years looking more like Pedro the late night corner burrito guy than the legendary Pedro Forsbergo from his better days with the Avalanche. I miss old Pedro.

Czech Republic vs. Slovakia

Result: The Czechs scrape out a win against the stout Slovaks.

What I said:

This team has the ability to pull an upset. The reason? Vokoun. Vokoun has come alive in the last month of the NHL season for a bad Florida club. If the people running this team have their heads on straight and aren’t busy staring at Jaromir Jagr’s new mullet they’ll ride Vokoun like Secretariat.

(Slovakia) is the other team that has the ability to pull an upset. The reason is that they have someone between the pipes who has had something to prove in Jaroslav Halak. While everyone is going to be busy staring at Slovakia’s terrifying top line of Gaborik, Demitra and Hossa, I’ll be busy staring at Halak, reveling in the fact that I haven’t seen a goalie this pissed off and focused since Marty Brodeur got divorced and decided to win the Stanley Cup out of spite in 2003. If the Slovakian coaches feel the need to motivate Halak even more than he already is, all they have to do is tape a photo of Carey Price up in his locker.

Winner: Halak- Slovakia

Analysis: Indeed Halak was a force to be reckoned with, but in the end the Czechs and a slimmer, trimmer, and wiser Jaromir Jagr were too much in this rivalry game.

Thursday, February 18

USA vs. Norway

Result: The Americans won 6-1

What I said:

Can Ryan Miller bring down the circle-slashes? It says here that this one will be a close game, but not really.

Winner: Miller-USA

Analysis: Norway proved to be a tougher opponent than expected, but that was due to a lackadaisical effort by the red, white and blue for half the game. Miller was tested at times but didn't give.

Switzerland vs. Canada

Result: Canada won 3-2 in a shootout.

What I said:

Let’s see…Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Sidney Crosby. Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Patrick Marleau. Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Eric Staal. Martin Gerber getting scored on by Dan Boyle. Martin Gerber getting scored on by Dany Heatley. I could go on.

This one has “bloodbath” written all over it.

Winner: Brodeur- Canada

Anaylsis: Jonas Hiller absolutely stonewalled the Canadians before finally giving way to Sidney Crosby's shootout winner, which was the second shootout attempt by Crosby in the game due to some strange olympic rules from the moon. Brodeur did not look great but did well enough in the shootout to get the win. This is where Canada started to come apart a bit. For whatever reason Mike Babcock shuffled lines resulting in Jarome Iginla being dropped off of the Crosby line. This tinkering would not bode well in the next game for the Canadians.

Slovakia vs. Russia

Result: Slovakia wins a shocker in an eight round shootout 2-1

What I said:

Nabokov vs. Halak. If they get a chance to fight I’ll take Halak. If not, I’ll take Ovechkin pumping in four goals and demoralizing the upstart Slovaks.

Winner: Nabokov- Russia

Analysis: Halak, Halak, and more Halak. This game was the coming out party for the Montreal goalie who should be considered on the short list of up and coming superstar goalies. The Slovakian keeper stopped 36 shots through three periods and overtime. Ovechkin suddenly turned into a checking forward in this game, for whatever reason, while Pavol Demitra potted the winner in the shootout. This game served as a wake up call for the Russian squad.

Friday, February 19

Belarus vs. Sweden

Result: Sweden won 4-2

What I said:

Vitali, Maxim, and Andrei meet Henrik, Daniel, Peter, Henrik, Daniel, Nicklas and Johan.

Just…try to relax.

Winner: Lundqvist- Sweden

Analysis: "The Monster" Jonas Gustavsson spelled Henrik Lundqvist and gave up a couple of goals to make this game look closer than it was. Simply, Sweden dominated for long stretches in this contest. The emergence of the Sedin twins as a force to be reckoned with has been something to behold. Not to be upstaged, old man river, Daniel Alfredsson spanked in a couple of goals to ensure the win.

Czech Republic vs. Latvia

Result: Team Jagr over Latvia 5-2

What I said:

Has anybody else noticed that 80% of the Latvian team plays for Dinamo Riga of the KHL? Remember that note about cohesiveness and chemistry that I wrote about 17 paragraphs ago? Well, at least the Latvians will have that going for them. This could be a close one!

Winner: Vokoun-Czech Republic

Analysis: This turned out to be a fairly close contest even though the Czechs knocked in three goals in the first five minutes. The Latvians didn't break and instead answered with a couple of goals in the second frame before finally yielding.

Finland vs. Germany

Result: Finns win 5-0.

What I said:

Hmmm…Kipper versus Greiss. Is it me or does “Greiss” sound like the name of a strange boss character from Double Dragon on the ol Nintendo?

Winner: Teemu Selanne’s magic team from the frozen lunar hell scape.

Analysis: The only news to come out of this trouncing by Finland was that Selanne became the all time Olympic scorer with an assist in the second period. He now has 37 points all-time in Olympic competition.

Saturday, February 20

Norway vs. Switzerland

Result: The Swiss over The Vikings 5-4

What I said:

What’s this? We have the Outback Bowl of hockey! This might be a close game between two marginally talented, under-populated countries! I can only hope the circle-slashes play Reuben Smith, if only because I’d like to spend the two hours making jokes about how Reuben once worked at a restaurant where he toiled for weeks unsuccessfully trying to come up with name for a sandwich featuring corned beef, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing on toasted marble rye before flying off the handle and killing the sous chef.

Winner: Hmmm…give me The Reubens by a goal with a side of curly fries.

Analysis: This proved to be a tight and exciting game between the two squads. There isn't much else to say here outside of me taking a moment to express my aggravation that Reuben Smith was not played, and that yes, I miss American food.

Latvia vs. Slovakia

Result: Slovakia whipped Latvia 6-0

What I said:

Dinamo Riga vs. The Marians.

Methinks Halak bounces back nicely in this one.

Winner: Halak-Slovakia

Analysis: The Latvians went down hard in this one as the Slovaks buried five goals in a little over a period. Jaroslav Halak threw up the force field as he added a shutout to his Olympic resume. I'm officially elevating the Slovaks to "Wicked" on my Boston townie threat chart.

Germany vs. Belarus

Result: Belarus by a couple.

What I said:

I’m going to have to go with Belarus on this one. If only because it wouldn’t be the Winter Olympics if some guy named Vitali wasn’t able to hold his head up high before he is shipped back to run a forklift at the mink factory.

Winner: One of the Belarussian goalies.

Analysis: Happy time for all!

Sunday, February 21

Russia vs. Czech Republic

Result: Russia won 4-2

What I said:

Vokoun shall enjoy making many stoppings but in end Ovechkin and Semin will dance upon his bloated carcass like drunken postmen. High five!

Winner: Nabokov-Russia

Analysis: take a moment and watch this witness account of Alex Ovechkin taking Jaromir Jagr's lunch money (thanks to NBC rights n' stuff us overseas folks aren't being treated to an actual clip).

BAM!!!!

Canada vs. USA

Result: USA! USA! USA!

What I said:

I want an upset. Oh god I want an upset! This game has to be close going into the third for the Americans to have any chance. Miller has to be poppin’ and lockin’ like it’s 1985. Please God. Please!

Winner if life were fair: Miller-USA

Analysis: Good day, sunshine! Team USA came to play and this game may be the last time Marty Brodeur sees Olympic ice. So it goes when the mighty fall. The Americans weathered a consistent attack by the Canadians and came away with a HUGE upset. Ryan Miller proved that he has what it takes to win big games, as he repelled 42 of 45 Canadian hate bullets, while Brian Rafalski continued his scorching tournament play from the blue line with two goals.

Sweden vs. Finland

Result: Sweden won 3-0

What I said:

I’ve been to Finland. I’ve been to Sweden. They get along only because they kind of, sort of have to. Kind of like how Minnesotans and Wisconsinites tolerate each other at family reunions because it’s for the greater good and nobody wants to make a scene. They’re strange folks, them. Having a rivalry game of this magnitude in the preliminary round is a bit of a travesty doncha think?

Winner: Give me Sweden and a shot of Finlandia measured out by a sexy bartender in an extremely tight sweater.

Analysis: Sweden is defending champ for a reason. Remember this.

Overall predictions: 15-3

Whoa Canada!

2010-02-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

Well then!

I decided to drop in a quick post before I go back to celebrating Team USA's 5-3 victory over mighty Team Canada in the preliminary round today. The victory will surely go down as the biggest ultimately meaningless upset of all time because nobody won anything, but still it is worth enjoying. Team USA was not supposed to win against the Canadians today. They hadn't beaten them in the Olympics since 1960, yet they won in impressive fashion and here we are on top of the world for at least a day or two.

Many kudos have to go out to Ryan Miller for putting up the force field and stopping 42 of 45 shots in the victory. As many people have said before, if the US wins it will be because of Miller. But there is something else that gets me excited about Team USA. They are gritty, and fast, and they are having fun. The composition of the team seems to be more out of necessity than anything. They are an assemblage of the best parts USA hockey had available.

Team USA isn't a bunch of chubs, mind you. They are professionals who are tough and fast because they have no other option. America doesn't end up putting as many 6'-4" lumberjacks on skates as Canada does. But they do have one thing that Canada doesn't have: they are loose.

It is times like this when the average American's complete disregard for the sport of hockey actually works to our advantage. We aren't heaping a ton of pressure on our team to bring home a gold every four years. A medal would be nice, but mostly people seem to be expending more energy trying to figure out the sport of curling.

I have this feeling that something is up with Canada, and it isn't because Mike Babcock decided to play a 38 year old keeper on the backside of his career over the best goalie in their country (Luongo).

On paper there is no way Canada should ever lose a hockey game, except they are lacking the one element that wins hockey games that the United States pumps out in quantity: mediocre checking forwards who do everything they can to keep the locker room from becoming tense.

I swear Canada lost simply because they didn't add enough David Backes or Ryan Kesler types to their roster, going instead with established world class talent.

You know the types of players I'm talking about. Guys who probably shouldn't be on an olympic team, but get on because they are good at hitting and grinding and drinking. People who are genuinely happy to there. They might end up sleeping on a couch on a sidewalk in Vancouver, or peeing in the team captain's skates, who knows? But it's all for the good of the team and it keeps everyone from having a collective aneurism.

Simply, Canada might not win the gold medal because they don't have enough Shjon Podeins.

When I look at Canada's roster I see some skilled grinding types like Mike Richards and Brendan Morrow. I also see a whole lot of admittedly terrifying offensive and defensive talent. Yet I also see a whole lot of pretty (Patrice Bergeron), pretty old (Neidermayer and Pronger), and pretty tense (Joe Thornton).

Canada is begging for a guy with the kind of carefree attitude to pants Sidney Crosby during an interview.

In Team USA you have a squad with a pretty big chip on their shoulders but they are loose because they weren't supposed to get this far in the first place. While at the same time Team Canada is more wound up than a pair of garage door springs.

The world hasn't ended for the Canadians, even though it would be nice if Team USA didn't have to face them again. But until Team Canada realizes that they need to loosen up they aren't going to go anywhere.

Strangely enough this might be a time when Canadian hockey could learn a thing or two from their brothers to the south.

Los Olympicos Del Invierno

2010-02-16T08:07:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't noticed the Winter Olympics are upon us which means hockey fans around the world are champing at the bit for what looks to be an exciting tournament.

As even the most casual hockey fan knows, hockey is as much or more of a team sport than any other sport. Forwards rely on their defensemen to stop the opposing rush and feed them the puck so that they may score. Defensemen rely on their forwards to not only put the puck in the net, but back check in their own end. And goalies rely on the five players in front of them to keep shots down and clear out opposing players.

In tournament play chemistry is an extremely important factor in the selection of any team, but since the Olympics began to allow NHL players into the mix teams have less time than ever to come together as a unit. Often times "Dream Teams" are just that, a dream, as they don't have nearly enough time before the Olympics to gain cohesiveness.

Sometimes the star studded units never come together due to arrogance and ego, and entire nations are left wondering what happened, much to the chagrin of people who know or knew better like Herb Brooks, who let's just say had a bit of an aversion to coaching professional hockey players. That said this is where goalies come in as the most important players on any hockey team during short tournaments. Often it is up to them to save games until the units in front of them have a chance to play long enough together to gain a rhythm.

There is glaring evidence of this in the past, with possibly the greatest individual Olympic hockey performance coming in the form of Dominik Hasek stealing the gold for the Czechs in Nagano in 1998. To a somewhat lesser extent there are also the performances of Martin Brodeur and Henrik Lundqvist in the past two games.

Knowing this, I've decided to throw out my preliminary round hockey picks for these games in the form of simple goaltender match-ups, as the NHL-stocked teams have in the area of 48-96 hours to come together before they hit the ice.

Tuesday, February 16

USA vs. Switzerland

USA: Ryan Miller, Tim Thomas, and Jon Quick

If there has been a better keeper in the NHL this season then someone should tell Ryan Miller about him. Goaltending is America's hope in these Games considering the rest of the squad is young, and not very deep towards the end of the 4th line. If the US is truly the dark horse this year it will be because of Miller.

Thomas and Quick could step up in the event of a mishap or letdown by Miller. In that case I would go with Quick over Thomas, as last year's Vezina winner Thomas is having a substandard season for the Bruins. Quick has been white hot for the Kings.

Switzerland: Martin Gerber, Jonas Hiller, and Tobias Stephan

If the Swiss play Gerber over Hiller then the US wins handily. Gerber hasn't been relevant well, ever. Hiller showed in last season's Stanley Cup tourney that he is capable of rising to the occasion. If Hiller plays this could be a close one.

Winner: Miller- USA

Canada vs. Norway

Canada: Martin Brodeur, Roberto Luongo, Marc-Andre Fleury

Whom to play, whom to play...

Does Team Canada throw out Brodeur or Luongo, both of whom were distracted and pulled from their respective pre-Olympic NHL games? My money is on Luongo. He is the best Canadian goalie at the right time as Brodeur is in a nasty slump. The goalie who may be ignored in this tourney is Fleury, who did yeoman's work last season in backstopping the Penguins to a Cup. He isn't having the best season this year, so I'm thinking his Cup success with the Pens got him on the team. Still, he has shown that he may be a better tournament goalie than the two men ahead of him.

Norway: Pal Grotnes, Andre Lysenstoen, Reuben Smith

Okay, I admit it. I have no idea who any of these goalies are. That Norway has a keeper named Reuben Smith is somewhat mysterious, and his name makes me kind of hungry. Please note that I can't figure out how to make my computer type the circle-slash letters required when spelling Norwegian names…and yes, I know there is a name for those things. Let's move on.

Winner: Luongo- Canada

Russia vs. Latvia

Russia: Evgeni Nabokov, Ilya Bryzgalov, Semyon Varlamov

Nabokov should get the start here, although something tells me that Bryzgalov has a 2x4 sized chip on his shoulder that has come from tugging along an upstart Phoenix club this season. Russia's offense is pow-er-FUL, but their weakness is on defense after Sergei Gonchar and Andrei Markov, both of whom are more offensive than defensive. The Russian goalies will see shots.

Latvia: Edgars Masalskis, Ervins Mustukovs, and Sergejs Naumovs

Frankly, I don't know or recognize any more players on this squad than I did on the Norwegian club, and lacking any grainy surveillance cam footage of the keepers, I'm flying blind here. Something tells me there may be an upset in the works in the prelims, yet I don't think it is coming from the Latvians. But hey, they have Karlis Skrastins, dude. SKRASTINS!

Winner: Nabokov-Russia

Wednesday, February 17

Finland vs. Belarus

Finland: Miikka Kiprusoff, Antero Niittymaki, and Niklas Backstrom

Something tells me to watch out for the Finns this year. They have a way of coming together in the name of nationalistic pride like no other country. Kiprusoff should have a strong tournament, as he has been a steadying force on an erratic Calgary club this season.

Belarus: Vitali Koval, Maxim Malyutin, and Andrei Mezin

Does Belarus pull the upset this year? If they do the trio named Vitali, Maxim, and Andrei should look into opening a salon and selling a line of hair care products.

Winner: Kipper-Finland

Sweden vs. Germany

Sweden: Henrik Lundqvist, Jonas Gustavsson, and Stefan Liv

This will be an interesting team this year with the addition of Peter Forsberg and the late, late addition of Johan Franzen. Still, this article is about the keepers, and Lundqvist clearly dominated in the last Olympics. This year should be no different although Lundy has played a bit timidly for the Rangers this season. If he falters I'm left wondering if Sweden will have the goaltending to stay in the tournament. Gustavsson is the heir apparent but is a bit young, and Stefan Liv won't be used to this level of talent.

Germany: Thomas Greiss, Dennis Endras, and Dimitri Patzold

The umlauts sport a decent backup quality keeper in Greiss and not much else. They are the 10th seed for a reason, people.

Winner: Lundqvist-Sweden

Czech Republic vs. Slovakia

Czech Republic: Tomas Vokoun, Ondrej Pavelec, Jakub Stepanek

This team has the ability to pull an upset. The reason? Vokoun. Vokoun has come alive in the last month of the NHL season for a bad Florida club. If the people running this team have their heads on straight and aren’t busy staring at Jaromir Jagr’s new mullet they’ll ride Vokoun like Secretariat.

Slovakia: Jaroslav Halak, Peter Budaj, and Rastislav Stana

This is the other team that has the ability to pull an upset. The reason is that they have someone between the pipes who has had something to prove in Jaroslav Halak. While everyone is going to be busy staring at Slovakia’s terrifying top line of Gaborik, Demitra and Hossa, I’ll be busy staring at Halak, reveling in the fact that I haven’t seen a goalie this pissed off and focused since Marty Brodeur got divorced and decided to win the Stanley Cup out of spite in 2003. If the Slovakian coaches feel the need to motivate Halak even more than he already is, all they have to do is tape a photo of Carey Price up in his locker.

Winner: Halak- Slovakia

Thursday, February 18

USA vs. Norway

Can Ryan Miller bring down the circle-slashes? It says here that this one will be a close game, but not really.

Winner: Miller-USA

Switzerland vs. Canada
Let’s see…Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Sidney Crosby. Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Patrick Marleau. Jonas Hiller getting scored on by Eric Staal. Martin Gerber getting scored on by Dan Boyle. Martin Gerber getting scored on by Dany Heatley. I could go on.

This one has “bloodbath” written all over it.

Winner: Brodeur- Canada

Slovakia vs. Russia

Nabokov vs. Halak. If they get a chance to fight I’ll take Halak. If not, I’ll take Ovechkin pumping in four goals and demoralizing the upstart Slovaks.

Winner: Nabokov- Russia

Friday, February 19

Belarus vs. Sweden

Vitali, Maxim, and Andrei meet Henrik, Daniel, Peter, Henrik, Daniel, Nicklas and Johan.

Just…try to relax.

Winner: Lundqvist- Sweden

Czech Republic vs. Latvia

Has anybody else noticed that 80% of the Latvian team plays for Dinamo Riga of the KHL? Remember that note about cohesiveness and chemistry that I wrote about 17 paragraphs ago? Well, at least the Latvians will have that going for them. This could be a close one!

Winner: Vokoun-Czech Republic

Finland vs. Germany

Hmmm…Kipper versus Greiss. Is it me or does “Greiss” sound like the name of a strange boss character from Double Dragon on the ol Nintendo?

Winner: Teemu Selanne’s magic team from the frozen lunar hellscape.

Saturday, February 20

Norway vs. Switzerland

What’s this? We have the Outback Bowl of hockey! This might be a close game between two marginally talented, under-populated countries! I can only hope the circle-slashes play Reuben Smith, if only because I’d like to spend the two hours making jokes about how Reuben once worked at a restaurant where he toiled for weeks unsuccessfully trying to come up with name for a sandwich featuring corned beef, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing on toasted marble rye before flying off the handle and killing the sous chef.

Winner: Hmmm…give me The Reubens by a goal with a side of curly fries.

Latvia vs. Slovakia

Dinamo Riga vs. The Marians.

Methinks Halak bounces back nicely in this one.

Winner: Halak-Slovakia

Side note: Could anyone have predicted that the goalie the Avalanche would be trucking to the Olympics would be Peter Budaj? Anyone?

Germany vs. Belarus

I’m going to have to go with Belarus on this one. If only because it wouldn’t be the Winter Olympics if some guy named Vitali wasn’t able to hold his head up high before he is shipped back to run a forklift at the mink factory.

Winner: One of the Belarusian goalies.

Sunday, February 21

Russia vs. Czech Republic

Vokoun shall enjoy making many stoppings but in end Ovechkin and Semin will dance upon his bloated carcass like drunken postmen. High five!

Winner: Nabokov-Russia

Canada vs. USA

I want an upset. Oh god I want an upset! This game has to be close going into the third for the Americans to have any chance. Miller has to be poppin’ and lockin’ like it’s 1985. Please God. Please!

Winner if life were fair: Miller-USA

Sweden vs. Finland

I’ve been to Finland. I’ve been to Sweden. They get along only because they kind of, sort of have to. Kind of like how Minnesotans and Wisconsinites tolerate each other at family reunions because it’s for the greater good and nobody wants to make a scene. They’re strange folks, them. Having a rivalry game of this magnitude in the preliminary round is a bit of a travesty doncha think?

Winner: Give me Sweden and a shot of Finlandia measured out by a sexy bartender in an extremely tight sweater.

Okay, that’s all for now. I’ll be back after the prelims to drop more knowledge and gloss over any substandard predictions in the most arrogant fashion possible.

Let’s get it on!

This Just In!

2010-02-03T20:23:00.000-08:00

In light of the behind the scenes debate that is occurring amongst Avalanche faithful in regards to the impending trade of Ilya Kovalchuk I feel I need to address a few issues on the matter...wait.

This just in!

Kovalchuk has been moved to the Boston Bruins in exchange for David Krejci, Milan Lucic, and David Ortiz's "medicine" cabinet.

Wow! That's a lot of "medicine!"

No, no. That was a rumor. Take a deep breath and step away from the TSN.

Where were we? Oh yes. In a season that nobody saw coming, where Avalanche find themselves in playoff contention despite being woefully weak at left wing and slow on defense, reigning in Ilya Kovalchuk in his prime would make absolutely no sense. The team needs to develop and is still in a rebuilding mode despite shocking the hockey world....wait.

Hold the phone! This just in!

Kovalchuk has been traded to the Calgary Flames for Jarome Iginla, Robin Reghyr, five of any 36 Sutter children, and Lanny McDonald.

Incredible! Lanny's back!

Oops! No, that was another rumor. Damn you Wikipedia!

Everyone should calm down! In no way should the Avalanche consider making a move including any of the underperforming forwards they do have, like Wojtek Wolski, in exchange for a world class left wing which would fill a gaping void in their offense that players like Wolski have failed to fill at all adequately. No siree! Wait...

This just in!

Kovalchuk has been traded to New Jersey in exchange for Travis Zajac, Niclas Bergfors, and two cases of Axe Body Spray.

Interesting. Jersey has plenty of Axe to give, but Zajac?

Oh no. Another rumor. Why do you meddle with me hockey gods?!

Back to the logic. The Avalanche don't need anyone to vault them into the upper echelon of hockey. They are cooking up something good I tells ya! We just have to wait for them to play longer together. Everyone is right. I am...WAIT!

Unbelievable! Ilya Kovalchuk is a King in exchange for Ryan Smyth, Wayne Simmonds, a truckload migrant agricultural workers, and a bushel of Acapulco Red.

Heavy man. Heavvvvyyyy!

Nononononono!!! GAH! Another rumor! Screw you Eklund!

Like I was saying. The Avalanche are a young team and bringing in a superstar is not something that needs to be done in order to invigorate the fan base. The fans can wait, they are plenty busy still complaining about the Broncos. A top line of Kovalchuk-Stastny-Stewart, would not make them want to watch any more than they already do....WAIT!

THIS JUST IN!!!!

That Old Fashioned Feeling

2010-01-27T17:01:00.000-08:00

In the event that you have been trapped under some heavy machinery for the last three months, the big news swirling around the hockey world is that Ilya Kovalchuk of the Atlanta "We're that team in your fantasy league that always sucks and other managers pick good players from us like vultures pick apart a dead water buffalo" Thrashers, is probably going to be traded very soon. This is important because no player of his caliber has ever been available in the prime of his career.

Many adjectives have been bandied about describing the 26 year old Russian left wing. Kovalchuk is a game changer, a top-five player, a shape shifter, "The Maestro", David Copperfield on ice, a magician, the "Magic Man", Mister Magalicios, Doctor Crazy Puckarino with the magic magicians magic bag of magic!

Okay, I made up the last seven descriptions. The point is that Kovalchuk is extremely good and has at least five to six more years left in his career where he will continue to be extremely good.

As it stands the Thrashers will probably miss the playoffs again, as is their want every season, and Kovalchuk is reported to be demanding in the area of ten million dollars a year in order to continue to play hockey in Georgia. Logic suggests that demanding ten million dollars a year in a salary capped league where a ten million dollar annual paycheck would constitute over one-fifth of a team's payroll would ensure that one might never be on a winning team, but that shouldn't matter. It's all about the Benjamins, right?

Currently three teams appear to be in the running for Illy: The Kings of Los Angeles, The Flames of Calgary, and The Hawks of Black from Chicago.

The three teams make sense for different reasons. The Kings want a big name to draw in their easily distracted fan base. The Flames need someone who might be able to put that black circular thing into the basket-cage. And finally, the Blackhawks want someone to put them over the top even though they already appear to be the strongest team in hockey. Or as I like to call them, "The 1990's Colorado Avalanche."

Speaking of...what about those Avalanche?

The surprise team of the 2009-10 season is currently rambling along on a six game winning streak and depending on the week, is perched however precariously, atop the Northwest Division. Night in and out one of the youngest teams in hockey has played hard and met with success. As it turns out (contrary to the esteemed analysis of many hockey know-it-alls) the Avalanche have managed to draft well over the last few years.

In fact, it appears that their only fault in the organization was that they were impatient with the talent they did have, or some of their coaches had a penchant for never allowing said talent to consistently see the ice on the top level. Joel Quenneville and Tony Granato, meet Chris Stewart.

Historically this time of year has featured other teams scrambling to acquire top-flight talent near the deadline, and the Avalanche more often than not beat them to the punch while maintaining the kind of secrecy the CIA could only dream about.

That is why when confronted with the opportunity to land a once in a generation talent like Kovalchuk I can't help but get the same feeling that I would get around this time of year, every year, for the better part of the last decade. The feeling that something is up.

Things are a bit too quiet right now, aren't they?

Maybe it is because I am on the other side of the planet and the Earth's magnetic core is screwing up my hockey intuition to the point where I have done such things as say, drafting Jason Spezza in my fantasy league. But it would take all my power not to shovel some spare parts and prospects at Don Waddell in hopes of landing Kovalchuk.

For all intents and purposes the rest of the NHL seems to believe that players like Marek Svatos and John Michael Liles have good value. Especially the valuation of Svatos, which I will never understand. Considering all of the injuries he has had in his career, the man is half robot at this point. But that shouldn't prevent the Avalanche from boxing him up complete with remote control, and shipping him off to the land of humidity.

Would trading for Kovalchuk require relinquishing some talent in the form of Ryan O'Reilly? Certainly. But the way O'Reilly has been trending in his rookie season I have reason to believe that he may end up as a skilled grinder and nothing more. Grinders can be had fairly easily. Elite wingers can't.

This is why I can't help but believe that the Avalanche at the very least, have to be up something. Perhaps they would like to keep the team intact and allow them to develop. I wouldn't blame them if they did, although it would show uncharacteristic patience on the part of Avalanche management. Hockey above all else is a team sport, and great teams tend to win over collections of stars. But at this point with Pierre Lacroix still involved in the organization one has to think that a trade is being considered.

Just call it "That Old Fashioned Feeling".

Hockey Night In Korea

2010-01-23T08:08:00.001-08:00

"You have grey hair."

I'm not an old man by any means, although my mid-thirties are approaching faster than Marian Gaborik on a breakaway. Yet just when I was feeling like a kid again my brother, as is the duty of younger brothers everywhere, had to drop one of the few statements that can make my chest hurt.

(The other heart attack inducing statements, in case you were wondering, would be: "The company put a freeze on all pay raises, including those tied to promotions, but we're going to need to you continue managing the client and the staff", and "you are thirty-four next month.")

Such is the life of this single, aging goalie.

Nevertheless, such insolence by my sibling didn't dampen my mood because last night was my first night of Hockey Night in Korea! Yee-haw! What could be better than an evening manning the pipes as a group of wily Canadians took turns firing the puck off of my groin?

Every week for what seems like decades, a group of Canadian expatriates have been coming together at Namsun Ice Rink in Daejeon for an evening of skating, smack talk, and beer-fueled revelry. For them there is nothing better than this, and I couldn't agree more.

On this night there were only six of us. Five skaters and one keeper, but it didn't matter. Surely an organized game would have been nice, but that wasn't necessarily the point. The point was that for an hour the place was ours. Gone were the hordes of figure and speed skaters doing their cute little dances, getting in our way, and screwing up the ice.

I have to admit, this was the first time in well over two years that I was able to strap on the pads. A knee injury a number of years ago took its toll, and a doctor advised me that the best course of action was to lay off for awhile. On this night my visions of pulling a Mike Richter were trumped by visions of being carted away to a strange Korean hospital in a strange Korean ambulance.

In news that should surprise no one this small group of Canadian ice duffers were collectively the most skilled bunch of forwards that I have had the pleasure of facing in a very long time. I like to think that it is because Canadians probably aren't allowed to graduate high school unless they can demonstrate proficiency in the fine arts of curl-dragging, dangling, and tipping.

Not to be beaten I managed to demonstrate proficiency in the fine art of sweating.

Eventually I found my rhythm and made some good stops, so American hockey pride is still intact. It may sound strange but it feels nice when a group of Canucks compliment you on the fact that you don't have a five hole.

When all was said and done we headed to the bar where we made a point of drinking the place out of Czech beer in a mission to get everyone free toques. I did it just because I get a kick out of hearing Canadians say "touque", and from of the good feeling that comes from heading to the bar with the crew after a game.

It's good to be back on a team.

Thank God for hockey in Korea!

Partly Cloudy With A Chance of Psychosis

2010-01-16T16:52:00.000-08:00

Considering many opinions coming out of Denver lately surrounding the uncertainty of the Avalanche season, I have been left to wonder what exactly is going on in the mind of the average Denver sports fan.

Many people like to use sports as a way to escape the drudgery and pain of every day life. It is a fairly illogical escape if one thinks about it, because it is tied to the success or failure of an entity that a fan has no control over. Take it from me, no amount of yelling at the television has seemed to change the score of any game. In fact it has only served to give me headaches on top of hangovers.

Nevertheless, escape through sports is a powerful and addictive drug. So powerful in fact, that it prompts some people to purchase loud and visually offensive sports apparel and say, wear it to important events. Like church. Because we all know God would rather watch the game on Sunday too, don't we?

Life as a devout Denver sports fan isn't easy. For the most part our teams are successful, but just successful enough that we get our hopes up and start making noise and annoying friends in other cities, only to have our teams fail in such a spectacular and embarrassing fashion that we become jaded and cynical when those same friends lash back at us with ruthless prodding and reminders of sports failures of the past.

Can I get a Statue of Liberty with a side of 55-10?

This is why when confronted with the reality that the Avalanche this season do not actually stink, and are instead on the fast track to building a dominant team of the future, many fans and sportswriters such as Mark Kiszla at the Denver Post would rather the team just go straight to hell rather than deal another blow to their fragile psyches, which were so hurt by the decline of the Broncos.

This attitude seems to have spawned from a deep seeded need to be right about something in a world gone terribly wrong. The Avalanche will probably lose in the playoffs, or fall achingly short. Everybody knows this. Yet many people are anxiously waiting for the Avalanche to fail and prove them right, and are more than willing to tell you about it. The notion seems to be that in the end it may be best if we never get our hopes up in the first place.

In some ways reserving one's emotions seems to be a good method of preserving one's sanity. In other ways it is actually more insane than openly caring because emotion that gets bottled up has a nasty habit of coming out as misguided evil. As evidence of this I would recommend one take a moment to peruse the comments section under just about any article on any North American news website.

Blathering irrationally and acting as if you are an expert, while avoiding the real reason you are upset is the American way! We have to be the best at something, and since nothing seems to be going right, by God we are going to be right at telling you what is wrong!

Yes, the Broncos blew a chance at the playoffs in a rebuilding year, but does that really mean you should take it out on the columnist in the lifestyle section who dishes out cooking tips?

Are Bush or Obama really to blame for your inability to saute mushrooms?

In the end such irrational behavior is polarizing and covers over the fact that improvement and progress tend to occur naturally. Unless of course, you are a fan of the Maple Leafs.

The Avalanche are a team on the rise. And while it is highly unlikely that they will win the Stanley Cup this season, for the team to be doing this well at this point is something to be enjoyed, not despised.

Now if you don't mind, I have to log on to the Denver Post comments section and tie the effectiveness of the Avalanche's second power play unit to global warming, the rise of industrialism in the 20th century, abortion, civil rights, the fall of labor unions, taxes, the legalization of medical marijuana, NAFTA, and my inability to cook a five star carne asada burrito.

Getting Burned

2009-12-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

Unless you are a Doors fan hopped up on acid car fires are nothing to laugh about most of the time. At best a usable piece of machinery goes up in flames, and at worst people get hurt or killed, and usually there is some kind of riot involved.

In a fit of rage after Adam Foote decided to leave the Avalanche for Columbus for marginally more millions, a friend of mine envisioned Foote dying in a car fire en route to Ohio as a way to mentally compensate for the loss of the great leader:

Me: "Did you hear about Footer going to Columbus?"

He: "Yes. It's unfortunate though, since he died in that car fire on the drive there. Tragic really."

Me (biting my lip): "Yeah. Car fire. So hot that heat."

After it was reported last week that the Minnesota Wild lost their pads in a van fire most of the media, like mosquitoes steaming towards a bug light, spoke about how unfortunate and inconvenient it was that an NHL team lost thousands of dollars of customized equipment.

It is bad for an entire team to lose their pads, especially for true "gentlemen" like Derrick Boogaard, who no doubt lost that pink teddy bear that I'm convinced he keeps in his breezers. But absolutely everyone missed the most obvious and biggest loss of all: Nick Backstrom lost his goalie pads.

To most people the loss of one's goalie pads doesn't seem like a big deal. It is an expensive deal, but not end of the world bad. But to a goalie the loss of one's pads goes beyond missing the wretched stink of success.

It means losing your luck.

Many hockey players are superstitious to a fault. Most have to tape their sticks the same way, or wear their socks on the same feet, and that is before they can leave their houses in the morning. But keepers, well let's just say most of us aren't considered right in the head even before you find out we never, ever wash our pads. Ever.

Patrick Roy had a litany of superstitions. The most obvious was his habit of never stepping on a line on the ice unless he absolutely had to. I've never had a chance to ask Patrick if he washed his pads, but I would bet you if he ever did he was either tricked or coerced. He didn't change his leg pads in an attempt to exploit the rules. Somebody probably washed his old ones.

The reason for never washing your pads is that your pads have been there through all of your successes and failures, and these events amount to "luck", even if you are the worst goalie in the world.

So in light of the Wild losing their equipment all I can think is that Nick Backstrom is in for a rough month. He has to build up the luck in his old pads.

You may be reading this and shaking your head thinking that the I've lost it, and you are probably right. But take a look at the shorthanded game winning goal scored by Matt Hendricks in Colorado's win over the Wild, which involved a dump-in caroming straight off the end boards, past Backstrom and onto the welcoming stick of the Avalanche forward and you'll see. No skill was involved in finding that sweet spot on those Minnesota end boards.

It was bad luck, boy. Bad luck.

Charging the Net

2009-12-02T20:26:00.000-08:00

After tonight's game against the downtrodden and desperate Florida Panthers, a game which included two Avalanche goals in the final minute of regulation with Craig Anderson pulled for the extra man, I can't help but think the growing problem of opposing forwards charging the net is quickly coming to a head. And by "head" I mean the one perched upon Anderson's shoulders which was smacked by Keith Ballard in the closing minute of overtime.

For those of us who have played keeper in even the lowest of beer leagues it is easy to sympathize with the plight of the Avalanche goalie. Having been kicked, jumped upon, and maimed by round and clumsy 30 and 40-something's on skates it is never a good experience, and I have the bad back and shattered knees to prove it. I can only imagine what it is like to be wrapped around a goal post by 225 pounds of muscle charging at 30 miles per hour.

For Ballard, who managed to rush past the entire Avalanche squad in a desperate attempt to gain his team two points on the night, charging directly at Anderson's left post was the only option available. Having known many defenseman I can understand Ballard's choice of direction considering most defenders, even at the NHL level, have maybe one or two shots in their bag of tricks.

It hasn't been an easy week for Ballard in the public relations department, as he managed to put his own goalie, Thomas Vokoun out on Monday with a clumsy and anger fueled slash to the head following an Ilya Kovalchuk goal. Yet his latest endeavor involving a goalie has me applauding the retaliation by another defenseman, Adam Foote. A retaliation which featured Foote pummeling the prone Ballard after he steamrolled the defenseless Anderson.

In light of this season's trend of opposing players running into, over, and through goaltenders, and considering the scattershot approach of the NHL in enforcing existing rules, there seems to be little in the way of actual protection for goaltenders. One could argue that with new developments in goalie equipment that keepers have never been safer, but try explaining that to a goalie like Cam Ward, who not but three weeks ago was treated to the displeasure of Rick Nash accidentally lacerating his right quadriceps with a skate after a save.

The fact of the matter is that goaltending is the most difficult and dangerous position in the most difficult and dangerous of sports. But outside of commissioning warhorses like Foote to punish those who would charge goaltenders in the now speedier and even more dangerous NHL, there may be little else in the way of actually providing consistent protection to the men between the pipes until the league decides to act accordingly.

A league, mind you, that is intent on reducing the size of goaltender equipment, which in and of itself does little to prevent an injury when struck by another human being traveling at a high rate of speed.

In the case of Ballard, he was charged with a two minute goaltender interference penalty, but that won't do much to ease the ringing sensation in the head of Craig Anderson.

Dees and Pees.

2009-11-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since my last in-game blog and to be perfectly honest, I didn't miss it much.

I don't own a TiVo so for me blogging during games has meant one of two things. I either have to strap myself to the keyboard and type faster than a court reporter while fighting off the onset of carpal tunnel syndrome for three hours, or I have to sit and watch the game with a notepad and jot down the events in scrambled shorthand. Since I never learned to write in shorthand the latter has meant I have to go back after the game and attempt to translate my own hastily written comments, which is about as easy as reading a prescription from a doctor.

Often I spend far too much time trying to make sense of lines that look like "Mike Ricchi shed to boards like dog pizza BANG!" Either way it isn't fun times, and it interferes with my in-game beer consumption.

This season I took the opportunity to purchase a little miracle of technology known as NHL Gamecenter which allows me to watch as many as four games at once, rewind to previous events in games, and even view archived games all on my computer. Since I'm living in Korea and have been weaned off of cable tv this is pretty much all I watch outside of movies, and frankly I doubt I'll ever go back to buying cable again. It isn't worth my money to watch the irritating crap-fest that American television has become over the last 10 years.

So without further adoooo...let's get it on!

Coming to you live from the spartan confines of my apartment located in the Daedok Techno Valley portion of Daejeon, Korea it's YOUR Colorado Avalanche and the Vancouver Canucks! The Canucks are coming off of six days of rest and the Avs are playing their third game in four nights. This of course means the Avs may get punked like a Korean pop star in a Philly night club, but whatever, it's hockey!

Pregame: Oh good it looks like I'm going to get the Canadian feed for this one. If there is anything that is exciting about Gamecenter it is that I often have the opportunity to watch Canadian commercials, which feature the kind of dry wit that only Canadians can truly understand. Canadian "humour" pretty much involves staring at people and waiting for them to do something stupid, or politely prodding them into doing something stupid, and then pointing it out.

Fortunately I spent my college years watching every Kids in the Hall episode ten times, so I'm familiar with a facial expression Canadians all share which involves tilting your head slightly to the side and smirking matter-of-factly while pointing out obvious things like "I guess it would have been a good idea for you to leave the house with a coat, eh? I mean what with all the snow and such...let's see if we can dump some hot water on your hands and get some blood back into 'em."

Samantha Bee on the Daily Show has the best Canadian smirk on the planet. Dave Foley is a close second.

The National Anthems: Just wanted to take a moment to point out that Robbie Luongo is practically digging holes in his crease. Please feel free to reference my above comment about the Avs possibly getting punked like a Korean pop star in a Philly nightclub. Good choice of games here Aaron. Good job.

20:00- First Period- Ryan Kesler wins the opening draw against Paul Stastny. Just once I want Stats to unload on the opposing center Paul Newman style as soon as the puck is dropped. Can we make this happen? I know Stats is a nice guy and all but he can't really lose any more teeth at this point. Pretty please, can we get a little bloodshed off the draw?

19:01- After a minute of warming up with a deflection on net by Stats, the puck is touched up for icing in the Avs end by Kyle Cumiskey. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is beating Cumiskey down the ice this year. He's in the Scott Niedermayer echelon of good skaters.

17:30- Ryan Johnson with a solid shot on Craig Anderson. Andy shrugged it off to a defenseman, no big whoop. It's too bad Peter Budaj is so bad that the coaching staff is going have to play Andy until his hips are ground into a fine powder. I like Andy but the Avs have to do something about getting him some support. Budaj has less confidence than a skinny, pizza-faced, middle school student.

17:00- Tell me Tony Soprano wouldn't eat at an Italian joint named T.J. Galiardi's. I see a chain of successful restaurants in his future.

16:35- Somebody tell Willie Mitchell that a good way to avoid getting called for hooking is to not raise your hand like you may be doing something wrong. I don't care if Stastny's arm pit had a hammer lock on your stick, you will always get called for whining. Always.

Power play-Avs!

15:43- Goal! Little tipper by David Jones on a nifty slapper to the net by Wolski. How nobody has made any "David Jones's locker" jokes at this point in his career is beyond me.

Time for a commercial break.

So, you and your fleet of boat owning friends decide to head into the bay with with a bunch of rocks, sand, lights, generators, and palm trees and build a small island in the middle of the bay so that you can have your own private party island! Great idea gang...right up until an Exxon tanker ends up grounded on it the following week. Thanks Bacardi.

12:23- Wow, we're barely back and Jannik Hansen hooks Svatos to get the gate. If there is anything that the Avs are incredibly good at, it is being faster than every other team and drawing hooking calls.

Power play-Avs!

Hejduk. Shot. Whistle. Svatos. Shot. Whistle.
Stastny to Wolski for the slapper, rebound to Liles for the tip and Duschene scores while diving into the net!

2-0, Avalanche!

WHEW! The Canucks are lookin' a bit rusty dere!

I'm not sure if you've heard, but this Matt Duchene kid is kinda good. On the last cycle he touched the puck four times before diving in for the finish. The Avs may not make the playoffs this season, but methinks they won't be having too much trouble making the playoffs in coming seasons.

10:09- Ahh, the ol "broken glass, steal the momentum" trick eh, Vancouver? I'm on to you!

Let's fast forward to the 2nd period and a commercial break.

Ya know, if Tim Horton's came to Korea it might cause social upheaval. Trucker coffee and crullers? SPARKLE!

15:54- 2nd Period- Uh oh. After some scrambling in front of their own net David Koci gets rung up for striking a Canuck about the head and neck. Time to see if the Avs mediocre penalty kill can be less mediocre.

15:38- Andddd no. Christian Ehrhoff with a top shelf slapper from the point.

2-1 Avs.

Time for a DNP public service announcement.

If there is anything annoying about young players these days it is that many of them have pretentious names from the late-80's and early 90's. Case in point, Mason Raymond. I don't necessarily dislike Mason, aside from the fact that he's a Canuck, but I just dislike pretentious names. I can only imagine in 5 years we're going to have far too many Cody's, Sage's, Canoe's, and Tucker's in the league, and I can only hope these names will be offset by hardened hockey names like Brett or Jack. Please parents, stop naming your children like toys or pets.

Thank you.

Back to the action.

10:30- Power play Avalanche. The boys need to get some momentum back here. The Canucks are starting to wake up, and the Avs appear to be getting tired.

And...no. Good chances by Tucker and Hejduk and some flailing by Luongo and we're back to even strength.

7:26- Good chance for Cumiskey but he missed the open net. The kid is feisty to say the least! I'm glad Sacco is giving him room to grow. I'm staring in your direction Tony Granato. Thanks.

The rest of the 2nd period- Ping pong hockey! Fun, fun, fun!

More commercials! Yay.

I'm trying to figure out if Courtney in the Fountain Tire commercials is hot. There's really no way to debate this with anyone unless a Canadian reads this post and has a strong opinion on the issue.

20:00-3rd Period- Gotta love starting a period on the power play. Willie Mitchell may or may not have put the puck over the glass in his own zone right at the end of the 2nd. Either way, it screws the Canucks so I'm happy.

Luongo getting shelled, Luongo getting shelled, annnd Luongo getting shelled. No goal. I'm getting the feeling like Robbie might have put up the force field. Not good.

17:40- The Avs may or may not have broken Sami Salo and Christian Ehrhoff on the same sequence. Two defensemen down could bode well for the Avs!

16:30- Whoa! Big rush from the Canucks with Anderson making some big saves! Batten down the hatches boys! Those injuries to Salo and Ehrhoff seem to have angried up the natives.

14:48- Oh man, I think I jinxed the Avs. I took a minute to argue with my brother about fantasy hockey and how it would be nice for Luongo to get some wins this week (but not against the Avs) as he's on my squad...and like that Christian Ehrhoff scores. Noonan! Not cool.

2-2. Tie game.

14:30- Mommy! Anderson just had a weak shot bounce over top of him and deflect off the far post. The Canucks are awake. In the words of Tommy Boy "Bees! Bees! They are eating my flesh! Run for your lives!"

14:10- Anderson is very slow to get up after the craziness. Please don't be hurt. Sweet Jeebus don't be hurt!

12:02- Finally play is stopped with Anderson diving on the puck. Stop the insanity!

Commercial break.

Oh good, Blackberry remade "All You Need is Love" by the Beatles. Puke. Whatever happened to the days of hiring people to make stupid jingles? Of course this brings up the question, who owns the rights to the Beatles songs now that Michael Jackson is dead?

11:13- Score. Canucks. Henrik Sedin. Since when does this guy score goals? He has 13, his career best is 22 and we're a quarter of the way into the season. To repeat my assertion from a previous article, hockey makes no sense anymore!

3-2 Canucks

10:20- Power play Canucks. Boo. Anderson was for some reason roaming like Patrick Roy which forced Hejduk to have to run Alex Burrows into the boards, making him have pain about the head and neck.

8:48- Oh man. Kyle Quncey dumped a Canuck in front of his own net, drawing a penalty before the first power play was over. What happened to this game?!

8:21- Score. A Bernier tipper off of a slap-pass by Ehrhoff. Four unanswered goals for the Canucks and the wheels have completely come off of the Avalanche bus.

6:26- Score. Canucks. And that should just about do it folks. That was an easy tip by Mathieu Schneider 5-hole on Anderson. The boys are tieeeerrrrdddd. Not fun.

In pure Peter Budaj fashion I would like to take responsibility for that loss. I jinxed the Avs. I feel shame.

Smirk away Canada. Smirk away.

Predictably Irrational

2009-11-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last month my brother has been reading a book by M.I.T. economist Dan Arley entitled "Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions". From his descriptions of the book it is a cold and creative analysis of why widely accepted market-based ideas don't seem to work in our current world where market-based capitalism doesn't seem to work for many people anymore.

I can't wait to read the book not because I have a fascination with the intricacies of markets, (I have little interest in becoming a tycoon, I just want to be able to pay my bills and my taxes, and maybe find an occasional bargain at the store) but because the title "Predictably Irrational" fits so well with what I go through every fall in regards to my fantasy hockey team.

I know, I'm deep like that.

This season hockey makes little sense to me. Play has gotten faster and seemingly more erratic. Certainly this has been great for the game, but for those of us who have a habit of living and dying with our fantasy (and real) teams there doesn't seem to be anything on which we can hang our hats.

Except maybe the Avalanche leading the Northwest and possibly making the playoffs, which has many an esteemed columnist scrambling for excuses.

Just ten years ago if you wanted a great fantasy hockey team all you had to do was analyze a particular team's defensive system, who was in that system, and whether or not a capable goaltender was behind that system, and act accordingly. Anything beyond that was gravy because the offense was simple: nobody did much scoring.

This season with the rash of injuries to top players as well as important role players, the shocking collapse of the Red Wings and to a lesser extent teams like the up and coming Blues, combined with half the coaches in the league deciding that platooning capable goaltenders is a good idea...well hockey has evolved from a simple equation into a calculus problem from hell.

Surely it is great to see the new generation of players finally getting their shot at the big time en masse, but for those of us who study the game (and aren't directly involved with the NHL) this has left us with plenty of homework.

Simply attempting to gauge the season-long production of upstart players like Ryan O'Reilly and Matt Duschene is enough to make one storm their cabinets for antacid. Not to mention the strange and immediate fantasy influence of players like Matt Moulson, Kyle Okposo, Rich Peverly, Evander Kane, and Nicklas Bergfors.

When I toss in the fact that anyone who puts on a jock next to Alex Ovechkin in the locker room is going to score somewhere between 60 and 10,000 points what I am looking at is the potential of a wholesale shift away from traditional fantasy thinking.

Or maybe I'm just having a bad season.

On draft day I was certain I had a team that would coast. I landed Robbie Luongo and Joe Thornton, both of whom were going to post stratospheric numbers, and buttressed them with the likes of Illy Kovalchuk, Milan Lucic, Johan Franzen, Jason Spezza and sure-fire, 100% guaranteed, puck stopping weapon of the future Jonas Hiller. I even landed great sleepers in later rounds like Alex Goligoski, Mike Knuble, and Derrick Brassard.

The 2009-10 Iron Mullets were rock solid! I had it MADE! I envisioned I would be lighting up my league's message board with insane Gandalf quotes every week:

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

Now, a little over a month later, and having seen my team torn to shreds by injury and under performance I have lost all confidence, and possibly my mind. What was last season's groin injury has become this season's torn ACL, or broken finger or foot. Or in the case of Paul Kariya and the rest of the Blues "chronic suckitis".

I've become the Red Light Racicot of fantasy managers, and I know two things:

Peter Budaj is still a bad goalie, and I have become predictably irrational.

Pass the antacid.

Popeye Has a Nightlife

2009-11-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

A few years back when I was playing goalie for one of my work teams in Boulder, Colorado we made a point of taking our games a bit too seriously at times because playing hard is a part of hockey, yet we knew we weren't going anywhere in the sport. It wasn't as if one day a scout for the Avalanche would pop up in the stands with a contract, but we loved our time on the ice nevertheless.

We never drew big crowds, and often the "crowds" that attended the games were supportive family members and friends. What is a beer league game if you don't have somebody's kid around to fish out a puck from behind the soda machine when the ref runs out? I still remember an old girlfriend of mine who would show up and knit, and throw out a compliment or two after the game, "I thought it was nice when you stopped that shot at the end of the second period" or "are goalies supposed to punch people?"

Whenever I'm playing sports I always seem to have a song stuck in my head. In cross country in high school I would inevitably get Beethoven on a loop because it would go along with my pace. For me in hockey it is always something faster and harder, and AC/DC fits the bill most of the time. But as I get a bit older and more settled I've started to like music that doesn't make me want to throw bottles.

My best friend since the age of one, Ron Marschall has lived in Phoenix for the last ten or so years, and the band he is in, Tierra Del Fuego (Ron and his friends Brock Ruggles, Matt Wiser, and James Pyper, with some help from Jeff "Jelly" Livingston), is one of those local-type bands which is excellent, yet never for whatever reason gets the recognition they deserve. Brock writes the songs, Ron hits the skins, Matt plays the best pedal steel this side of the Mississippi, and James makes Bryan Setzer look like just another guy with a pompadour.

Over the past few years TDF has been rocking out the country swing at small beer houses and the occasional outdoor event. They always draw a crowd although the numbers aren't large, but everyone has a good time. Especially when they changed the lyrics of a song the last time I was there because I mentioned in passing that I thought the lyric sounded like this or that, and I was wrong. They did this for me before I left for Korea. It was a great going away gift: "Popeye has a nightlife..."

Fortunately the guys are pretty good natured about their station as a band. In a conversation a few weeks back I asked Ron what he would name a Tierra Del Fuego anthology someday, and without flinching he said "Why Bother?" They are doing what they like to do, and that is point of living.

Lately "The Legend of Neckbeard" by TDF has been buzzing around in my lobes, and has provided my step with a good hop. According to Ron it is Matt's song. It is upbeat and has some great pedal steel, and if they ever get it onto their next album I'm going to run it into the ground. I miss the band and their music. Korea could learn something from these guys.

Here in Korea there is a glut of terrible boy and girl bands. SHINee, Big Bang, Abracadabra, the list goes on. They all sing, they all dance, there are always a minimum of nine of them on the stage at one time and they are all plastic, and commercial, and stink... but with sparkle! The music gets into your head and rumbles around like a ball of razor blades until nothing is left but high pitched squealing. For the love of a band without some pencil-thin, bleached blond guy trying to keep it real and act hardcore while pirouetting!

Fortunately these days I have "Neckbeard" to shelter my mind from the idiocy when it isn't thinking about pucks or kick saves or girlfriends in the stands knitting.

Check out Tierra Del Fuego HERE, and drop 'em a line, I'm sure Ron and the crew wouldn't mind sending a cheap CD your way.

The Season of Seasons

2009-10-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

One of the classrooms that I teach in is located on the corner on the fourth floor of a relatively new concrete and granite building in a relatively new concrete and granite portion of Techno Valley in Daejeon. Two of the walls are lined with tall windows and if I raise the shades to the top then I am provided with a sprawling view of the adjacent buildings and a pedestrian corridor which heads to the north for about 300 yards until the strip is halted by a major street.

The north side of the street is fronted by a row of shops and restaurants, one of which my brother and I have stopped going to due to their rather transparent dislike of foreigners. Behind that strip are tall 15-story apartment buildings. The whole vista is rather impresive in the way that it maintains a human scale before being halted in the distance by the broken wall of the apartments.

As the day rolls on from afternoon through the evening and into the night I am privy to watching this small portion of Daejeon change in color from the striking yellows and reds of the trees below, to the flash and sparkle of the neon Korean night.

Below our floor is a music hagwan where children will go to practice their various instruments. Often my classes are treated to the moaning and squeaking of a beginner clarinet, or the fumbling mishmash of a intermediate pianist, which prompts the closing of windows and the misery thereafter of a muggy classroom. But every now and then we will be gifted by a young Rachmaninoff and the room is transformed from a place of diligent learning into something more content, relaxed, and natural.

There are many times when I'd like to go home. Back to the familiarity of the language and food and friends. Back to the places I know, where I am at comfort. But on these days when Autumn is in full bloom and Beethoven is high in the air I doubt I would move for anything short of eviction.

October is my favorite month, but in this month, in this country I have rediscovered my love of the fall. I missed the seasons in Phoenix. There is only one season there and one would not be caught outside during most of it. Trapped inside to languish in boredom for fear of the heat and dust.

October is when hockey starts and baseball ends, leaves turn and fall, and if you are in a place where the snow has held, the most beautiful of months. The sound of skates swooshing and scraping on ice, the slip and crunch of leaves underfoot, the smell of good food hanging in the air to be carried away by an occasional breeze. October is a month for all senses, even the sixth one which notices how time slows in the fall.

October, at least for me, is always a month of frustration and anguish as hockey goes. It takes time for an old dog to get up, and the hockey we see in October is rarely the hockey we see in April. Younger players champ at the bit and sprint, while older players ease into the season and let the kids fly by. It is always about this time every year that my impatience with the season reaches its peak, as what we are seeing now is an illusion.

After their win against Calgary yesterday there is some reason to believe that the Avalanche could be a great team. But then I look at Craig Anderson's astronomical .940 save percentage and I realize all good things, like the pleasantness of fall, must come to an end. The Avalanche won't maintain this pace. They can't. They are too much bluster and thunder, and all too quick. They will be great, but we must be aware.

The old dogs will soon rise.

Until then, with Beethoven on the breeze, I'm enjoying my favorite month with my favorite team.

Supplying Demand

2009-10-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

Recently, while trying to make sense of the utterly astounding start to the season by the Avalanche it occurred to me that the Avs, in becoming upstart world beaters may in fact be doing the right thing, despite my desire to see them stink for at least one more year in order to secure another top draft pick.

In professional sports over the last decade much effort has been put into making leagues, especially football and hockey, into something along the lines of shared resource systems, i.e. markets driven by parity.

In the world of professional sports money is king, and if you have a league which supports teams which are always terrible versus always good, then that means your league will always have fans who either buy nothing, or all of only a few products. While this doesn't matter for top franchises (believe me, I'd love nothing more than to see less Dallas Cowboys jerseys on the streets of America), it does matter for say, the New York Islanders of the world (again, the Cowboys), and consequently the league as a whole.

For example, if the Detroit Red Wings were to stink up the joint (as they did to my delight in the pre-Steve Yzerman era) then fans who are already struggling to pay their heating bills would not be inclined to funnel some of junior's college tuition towards loud, obnoxious garb in order to support their team, much less fork out good money to actually go see games.

Conversely, if the Red Wings were always good, as they have been over the last decade, fans will be inspired to purchase said loud, obnoxious garb in bulk.

If you spread that theory out over the entire NHL, what you have is a few teams who make all the money, and a majority of people who simply don't care, and that isn't good for business.

Here's where the Avalanche come in.

During the halcyon days of yore when the Avalanche were steaming their way through opponent after opponent in an effort to not only win Stanley Cups but "build a fan base", revenue was flowing into Kroenke Sports and Entertainment by the boatload. Tickets were highly priced, and fans would be damned if they didn't own something "Avalanche". (The downside of the "Cold War" with Detroit was that two teams iced expensive legendary rosters on a nightly basis while the rest of the league not named The New Jersey Devils was killing itself to stay afloat).

Then, as things do on this silly planet, the good ship Avalanche ran into the mighty iceberg known as "post-lockout salary cap driven decline and rebuilding during a recession". Ticket prices dropped, apparel sales plummeted, and all of a sudden what is otherwise a good fanbase looked to be drifting on the Sea of Lost.

If Gary Bettman has done anything that can be perceived as good during his years of meddling it has been that in over-expanding the NHL into controversial markets (Phoenix, Tampa, that other city in Florida, and Raleigh) he has managed, however inadvertently (or vertently), to stretch the top notch talent thin enough to create a league where, with luck, hard work, and short term sacrifice, any team can go from bad to marketable in a very short period of time, thus buoying a league where revenue during even good times is difficult to come by.

The best example of late has been the Pittsburgh Penguins, which went from "Canada's next team" to Stanley Cup winners in less than five years.

How this theory works for the Avalanche is somewhat of a mystery at this point, and I keep falling into two camps, because at least on paper the boys in burgundy should be the doormat of the NHL at this point:

1. The Avalanche are taking advantage of early season slow starts by late season juggernauts.

2. The Avalanche are employing the only ethos that can work in a system ruled by parity, teamwork. And have managed to leap way ahead of the curve, especially on defense with some savvy drafting and good coaching.

(Strangely enough I'm waffling between the same two camps in regards to the Broncos)

If the NHL is going to be a league wherein a vast majority of the teams are on the exact same level then perhaps "rebuilding" isn't what it used to be as well. Perhaps all it takes is a bit of luck, and good scouting. What I can't decide is if what we are seeing is the product of an incredible rise in talent, or above average talent taking advantage of an average system which can be abused.

Razing Arizona

2009-09-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

During my tenure in Sweat Town (Phoenix, Arizona) over the last year, I couldn't help but notice that there was something strange in the air. No, it wasn't sand, or ozone, or the stench of housing foreclosures and failure. It was the notion that despite the fact that Phoenix harbors a significant amount of transplanted people from the Midwest, few people ever seemed to care that Phoenix had a hockey team.

I heard excuses ranging from "the arena is all the way in Glendale" to "Wayne Gretzky is a terrible coach", but really none of them rang authentic. The excuses came across as blustering and whining. This is because most of the time when I would try to talk hockey, all but a couple of people would stare at me like I was from the moon.

I got the sense that not only were the residents of the town not interested in hockey, they despised hockey. For a hockey fan like myself, this was the ultimate in alienation, in a place which gives new meaning to "fending for yourself".

Certainly the relocation of the Jets from Winnipeg caused a stir, and the triumphs of Jeremy Roenick and Keith Tkachuk led teams drew in a crowd. But that was years ago. These days the Coyotes have been a mess of bad management, bad trades, and bad blood.

In recent months the travails of one Jim Balsille have made news, and considering his blunt, shady nature and past attempts at owning an NHL franchise, I was not one of his fans. Yet after the events of today, and my experience over the last year I can't help but consider a different postition on the matter.

Wayne Gretzky has always been an ambassador of hockey. He set every record in the book in Edmonton, he blew up the game in LA, and he brought it to a new level in New York. Wayne has invested millions of his own money in a Coyotes team that, as it turns out few people seem to care for.

Is it his fault the Coyotes have been bad? Maybe. Is it his fault that few people in the Valley of the Sun seem to care much about any local sport that doesn't involve swinging a golf club? No.

Face the facts. Hockey does not work in Phoenix.

On a day in which Wayne Gretzky stepped down as coach of the Coyotes, we may have seen the last gasp of hockey in the desert. The sad part is that when it is gone, I doubt few people will really care.

The Tax Man

2009-09-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

In a world with so many problems it is sometimes unusual when you find yourself with no problems. The job is good, people are being kind, life is a veritable panoply of chirping birds and squirrels throwing daisies. It is enough to make Lewis Black puke asphalt.

This is why my current predicament can't really be viewed as an actual predicament...and shouldn't if it didn't mean that I would be missing out on my first hockey game of the season, as well as my first hockey game in another country.

As it is right now, Korean customs has my skates and pads locked up tight as a drum, all because a FedEx employee in Phoenix over a month ago insisted on having me estimate the value of my equipment as equivalent to $500 American.

This shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong.

As it turns out, Korea has this little issue with duty and taxes that has been blown up to the point where they are the only country in the civilized world that considers wine, for example, to be a "luxury" item and not a food. In my case, I declared over $100 in used equipment, so somewhere on the peninsula some guy is currently holding up my stinking-to-high-heaven blocker and glove and trying to disseminate their actual worth so that he can eventually decide how much I will have to pay in order for customs to release my gear.

As anyone who has played goalie before knows, nobody on Earth wants to pay actual money for used goalie equipment. It has no real worth. It is filthy, disgusting, and does nothing to attract the opposite sex. The purchase of used goalie equipment is a transaction that is forced upon parents and goalies out of necessity. Because nobody ever, for example, wants to pay over a grand for new leg pads. But Korean customs doesn't know this, so I am stuck waiting.

In the meantime I'm content in knowing that if this is the worst of my problems, then I have it pretty darn good...aside from knowing that somewhere in Daejeon there is a hockey team with no goalie.

Sorry guys.

And thank you FedEx.

NHL Films

2009-09-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

Chum-chee-kim-bop-juice-say-yo!

As I sat at a table outside of a Korean convenience store after work the other night, knocking back a couple of OB Blues and some Soju with my brother and a coworker, for the first time since my arrival in this strange land a couple of weeks ago, our conversation to my delight turned to sports.

Maybe it's just me, but every time I have been outside of the US nearly every conversation, be it with a native of whichever country I was in at the time, or with some other English speaking person always ends up centering around American foreign policy.

Not that I don't care about American politics, but I'm not a person who necessarily enjoys talking about the goings-on streaming from Washington, even when I'm in America. For me there are two things that I'd rather talk about before settling into unsavory arguments about American geo-political or economic endeavors. Instead, I'd rather talk about the interesting facts and figures of the country I'm in or even better, the goings-on in American sports.

If there is one thing that will bring Americans together overseas other than the defense of the homeland, it is a heated discussion about football, or hockey, or baseball. Sports is the tie that binds us.

One of the good things I have encountered when traveling abroad is that in every country in the world, in nearly abundant numbers as Americans, Canadians can be found either rarin' to tear into an unsuspecting Yankee about whichever country the US has bombed lately, or in their less sober moments throw out the "curveball" of hockey. It is times like this when my brain goes into overload, because few things tickle my lobes quite like informing a Canadian that a Russian (Alex Ovechkin) is better than their wonderboy (Sid Crosby), and then watching as their eyes turn south as they try to think of a diversion from the truth.

In this fact I am relishing that I am in line for a beer league goaltending position for a team full of Canuck expatriates. Every time one of them gets worked on the point, or gets beaten in the corners, I might just be inclined to take a poke about a perceived decline in quality in the Canadian hockey elite. But I digress...

On this night as three Americans posted up with the fire water on the corner, reveling in the fact that Koreans not only don't care about loitering, but support it, we shared a good laugh about how NFL Films, no matter which team they are covering, will never hesitate to spin the "things are looking up!" angle for whatever bad team they are featuring. They are probably just trying to slang more videos to die-hards, but it has never failed to amuse me when they try and make an absolutely terrible team seem like they are going in a positive direction.

"The 2008 Detroit Lions, a team on the RISE!"

This is where the NHL needs to take a bit of direction from the NFL. There needs to be an NHL Films. In the case of the Colorado Avalanche, an in depth analysis of this year's team could actually serve to get a few more fans to jump on the bandwagon, while the bandwagon is still in the shop for repairs.

It could introduce fans to the lesser-knowns of a squad in full rebuild. Don't you think people would like to know more about the potential of the Kevin Shattenkirk's and Ryan Stoa's of the world? Isn't this how the Maple Leafs have maintained a fan base, by becoming overly excited about the next big thing?

The season is nearing, and thanks to the miracle of the interweb I'm actually excited to see the new generation in burgundy take the ice, as at least one team in Denver seems to understand that sometimes admitting a full fledged rebuild is healthier than trying to cover up mistakes and mediocrity.

Now if the NHL could just pump out something like "the 2009 Colorado Avalanche, building for success!" all would be a little better in this strange world.

Know Your Blogger!

2009-07-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Is there anything worse than the offseason in hockey? If your team is horrible and rebuilding like the Avalanche it can be the tenth circle of hell because there is so little to talk about. That’s why I’m introducing a new feature on the DNP called “Know Your Blogger!”

Today I'm talking with Jay Vean of the Avalanche Hockey Podcast, which features regular post-game recaps during the season as well as a plethora of discussion about all things Avalanche.

I wrote “plethora”. Ex-cellent!

Jay, thanks for the time. Tell the readers a bit about yourself. When did you get into hockey?

Jay-

I've been into hockey since I was about four years old. My Dad sang the national anthem at a few old Colorado Rockies games when I was growing up. During that time I met Herb Brooks and got a stick from Rangers defenseman Tom Younghans. After that, I was hooked. (Pun intended, I guess!) My Dad and I still go to games 30 years later and still have a great time.

What was Herbie like? Did he make you skate any laps?

Jay-

Herbie picked me up, took me into the training room, sat me on a gurney, and talked to me for a bit. I don't remember a lot of the conversation since I was so young, but I do remember the experience vividly. I still have the Rockies pennant he signed for me that night. Anyone remember pennants? Younghans actually skated back onto the ice to get a stick for me after he ran out of pucks. It was my first exposure to what hockey was all about and I liked it.

He didn't make me skate any laps though. And the arena hadn't closed yet so the lights were still on. That would have lacked some of the drama from the movie!

Fantastic! Did you play growing up? (I'm saying this knowing many bloggers don't have much playing time)

Jay-

I played for a few years in the University of Denver's youth program when I was younger and then played a season as an adult as well. I've played enough to know how talented these guys have to be to perform at the level they do. And coming from a college baseball player and an avid golfer, I can say that hockey is the toughest sport I have played hands down.

It is easily the toughest sport. I get into arguments with hard-core football fans all the time over this. Just the amount of effort required to play in a beer league is enough to kill people. So what position(s) did you play?

Jay-

When I played I played all over the place. Goalie was my favorite since I had always been a catcher in baseball though. It was tough to get one by me glove side. If I ever go back to playing again it will be as a goalie. Based on my skating "skills," that would be my best option.

Nice, another goalie! I'm getting back into playing after being out a couple of years because I screwed up my knee in a game. I hear you on the skating. It ain't like riding a bike! So tell me about the podcast. When did you start it up and what inspired you to go on the air?

Jay-

I started the podcast during the offseason two seasons ago. I've been producing it for two full seasons now. If there were something similar that someone was doing before I began mine I would have never done it. I just wanted to put something out there for Avs fan to enjoy. I feel really lucky to be able to go to about half of the home games every season and watch every game on television. I just wanted to share that fortune with other Avs fans out there who are as passionate about the team as much as I am. It's been a great ride so far. I've met a lot of cool people, like yourself!

The podcast is good one that's for sure! What is your most memorable Avs game?

Jay-

Game four, 1999 Western Conference finals, against the Stars. Drury scores late in the first overtime to tie the series at 2. We had a great angle to see him beat Eddie The Eagle over his left shoulder. That's the loudest I've ever heard an arena. We were sitting next to some guys from Dallas that were there and we had a great time. They were cool and took the loss pretty well. They were hockey fans and you never mind sitting next to them. I was also at both Stanley Cup Finals opening games. The energy and buzz in the building is awesome during those times.

That was an incredible shot by Drury. I always loved to see the Avs beat Belfour. You mentioned sitting next to hockey fans while watching games. Without being picky or arrogant about the sport I have to say that it is almost a MUST to sit next to knowledgeable people during Avs games. If only because a guy can only explain icing so many times. With that in mind would you say the podcast is directed towards the hardcore hockey/Avs fan?

Jay-

I try not to get too complicated on the show. I'm hoping any hockey fan would enjoy it, even tough it's obviously geared towards my team. I also do my best to mention things that only people who truly understand the game would notice. Like last season, I noticed that referee Kevin Pollack was wearing a mouthpiece. That's the first time I had ever seen that so I made it a point to mention it during my recap of that game. That's not that big of a deal, but only someone who watches a lot would notice something like that I guess.

So, no glow puck for you then?

Jay-

They showed some highlights from the glow puck era on NHL Network recently and it was actually more distracting than anything else. I always wondered if they went into the stands to get those things back when they went out of play. If I remember right they were pretty pricey back then. It was a decent idea I guess, but if you need the glow to keep track of things, maybe it's time to watch a different sport for a while.

They had the "glow ball" at the home Run Derby this year. That was the last straw for me because the "trail" didn't even match up with the flight path of the ball. The thing that always got me about the glow puck was that the producers who came up with the idea didn't seem to understand that hockey isn't about watching the puck. It is about watching the play.

Jay-

Ask any big time hockey fan and they'll tell you the same thing. If you want to keep track of the puck, just watch the players and what they're doing. They'll help you out all of the time. I saw the Home Run Derby as well. Waste of technology there. If you're there or you're watching it on television, and you have a tough time tracking the ball, you're wasting your time.

Okay, lets get down to brass tacks. The Avs are looking at a long rebuild. What do you think is worth watching about the team next season?

Jay-

I think the Avs and the organization have something to prove for the first time in a long time. They've made it clear that they want to get back to what they once were. A new coach will come in and try to prove why they're there. There's going to be a lot of young talent that has something to prove as well. This is the first time in Avs history that they've been in this situation and I'm curious to see how they'll handle everything. Hopefully it will be something we, as Avs fans, can go back to sometime in the near future, and say, "Man, that stunk, but it was worth it and the team is better off because of it." I obviously hope that's sooner than later, as we all do. It's always been fairly easy to be an Avs fan, and that's not the case anymore. Most every team has gone through this at one point or another. It's all part of sports in general.

We, as Avs fans, will get the chance to see who steps up, and who's not quite ready to take the team big places. That process may make next season interesting to watch for sure.

How do you think the veterans will respond to the rebuild? Hejduk and Foote aren't kids anymore, and without Sakic the team is going to have to fill a huge void.

Jay-

As far as Foote goes, I think it all depends on whether or not he's named captain. If the organization goes with Stastny right now I think he'll be gone sooner than later. This is a chance for this team to build a new set of leaders though. This will give us fans a chance to see who is going to be a true leader on the club. I'm thinking that it doesn't necessarily have to be a veteran either. It's wide open. I'm curious to see if the veterans on the team (Hannan, Hejduk, Tucker “gulp”) are ready to take over or give up and want to leave.

And by the way, I think Adam Foote will be named captain of the Avs for next season. I didn't mean to make it sound like I want him to leave or anything. I feel he's earned that honor, but that's just me.

Every time Darcy Tucker skates a shift, God kills a kitten. I have to believe they make Footer captain. The guy is one of the great defensive defensemen of his generation, has won two Cups, and has skated in the Olympics and World Championships. Even if he sits on the bench like Chelios (which he won't) he's too much of a leader not to give him the "C".

Jay-

Totally agreed. Adam Foote has proven to be a great leader in my eyes. He also has some captain experience in Columbus. Stastny will be next, unless someone really steps up, or the organization makes a crazy trade or something like that.

What is your opinion of the Avs landing Matt Duschene? Do you think he is all that he is made out to be?

Jay-

I, as well as every Avs fan, sure hope he's everything the experts say and a little more. According to Bob MacKenzie, he may have been/will be the best all around player of the top three picks. I've heard nothing but good things about the kid both on and off the ice. It's always tough to tell how well he'll do against the best players in the world though. Hopefully all the hype is true and we'll have our next great player here in Denver. I'm excited to see what he's got.

And as we all should know at this point, Bob MacKenzie, like, knows things.

Jay-

It was a new thing for Avs fans to be so interested in the draft as well. That's a good thing in my eyes. I hope last season will count towards something in the future. We deserve something for watching that mess! Bob MacKenzie knows a lot of things! I just hope he's right about our thing...

You managed to actually watch that train wreck?

Jay-

I'm not going anywhere. I am an Avs fan through and through. It's too easy to quit when things go so wrong. More legroom for my Dad and me if people decide to bail right now!

Exactly. Okay, one final question. You are building a team, who do you take first? Crosby, Ovechkin or Malkin?

Jay-

Tough one...I have to go with Ovechkin because he has produced serious numbers without a ton of talent around him his entire career (think Barry Sanders) and because he stays healthy even though he plays a physical style of play. I always think about where the Pens would be without Malkin and Crosby together. One of them is going to get you and you can't cover them both. I love Ovechkin's approach too. Laid back and fun, but very passionate when the puck drops. You have to love his energy!

I've never been big on Russian players but I have to agree with you. The man is a force of nature! That and Crosby is such friggin’ baby.

Jay-

It was annoying to me at first, but how can you not enjoy it when he's that good? The NHL shoving Crosby down the throats of the fans gets just a little too much sometimes.

I have yet to see what Crosby can really do, he's hurt too much and always complaining. I tend to think Malkin won them that Cup. Also, I'm bitter because Crosby pin wheeled my fantasy team the last two years because he was out for long periods of time.

Jay-

Malkin definitely is a beast; I just don't think he would be as unstoppable without Crosby and a pretty decent goaltender in Fleury. Sorry about Fantasy too. Rebuild maybe?

Yes, the Iron Mullets are in full rebuild this season.

Jay-

Great name! Sounds like something Buccigross would come up with!

Oddly enough I corresponded with him a few years ago, right when he was getting the blogumn up and running and I mentioned the name, which was ultimately the name of my intramural team at the University of Colorado, and he gave me kudos. It was good times.

Jay-

I love his style. He can be goofy and funny, but his serious stuff is great to read too. Based on what I've read of yours I'm sure you guys would get along just fine.

He's a genuinely nice guy. At the time a friend of mine was considering having a pick up game for his bachelor party, and I asked Bucci if he join us. He said he would, but the game fell apart because we had too many people coming in from too many places.

Okay Jay plug the podcast!

Jay-

You can find the podcast at http://avshockeypodcast.podomatic.com/. You can follow me on Twitter under username avshkypodcast. And I also created a fan page on Facebook here:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/pages/The-Avs-Hockey-Podcast/56256573747?ref=ts

The Avs Hockey Podcast is your home for everything Avalanche!

Thanks for the time Jay. Everybody make sure to check out Jay’s podcast, it is good listening!

All is not lost in the world of the Avalanche!

Jay-

So true Aaron. Thanks for having me and see you around!

Number Nineteen

2009-07-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

Upon the retirement of not only one of the greats in Denver sports, but of one of the greats in hockey history, it is difficult to quantify the enormous impact made by Joe Sakic.

Many terms have been bandied about in attempts at describing how great number nineteen was at what he did, and all are appropriate. Leader. Scorer. Teacher. It is a true rarity to find a person who is not only excellent at what they do, but aware of how their skill and influence can positively effect the people around them. Joe Sakic embodies this ideal.

What I'll miss most about Joe is not necessarily his incredible reliability under pressure, but that his teams were always well prepared and fought hard. Many great and legendary hockey players have passed through Denver, but without a doubt the Avalanche would not have found the success they did without Sakic's leadership.

It is a testament to his success that discussions about his career have never seemed to revolve around his numbers (625 goals, 1016 assists, 1641 points), but about his influence and class. He was a complete hockey player in every way.

As he rides off into the sunset after a brilliant career which included two Stanley Cup championships and an Olympic gold medal and MVP, let's not forget what a treat it was to witness one of the great leaders and champions the NHL has ever seen.

Hockey in Colorado won't be the same without him.

What If's...

2009-07-06T11:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't help but notice a couple of players still floating around that the Avalanche could use, provided Big Stan Kroenke were to lift his edict that has the team chopping down salary like a cane farmer in the Amazon.

Half of the fun of hockey is creating, and then believing in completely unsubstantiated rumors. I tend to believe this is what has kept the people of Toronto going all these years. In going through the scratch and dent pile of remaining free agents/disgruntled veterans, I managed to find a couple who, if the situation was right, would fit nicely on the Avs.

Dany Heatley

Tell me this guy wouldn't destroy the world getting served up by Paul Stastny for a few years. Sure, the rest of the hockey world believes Heatley is some kind of evil mongoloid who has ruined Ottawa. But has anyone considered that maybe Heatley wants out because he's playing in Ottawa?

Let's see...wedging away a disgruntled superstar stuck on a Canadian team that appears to be blaming him for the downfall of their mighty franchise...sounds like a job for Pierre Lacroix!

Juri Hudler

This little punk from Detroit looks and plays a helluva lot like Marek Svatos...if Svatos still had two good shoulders. Hudler is currently taking the Wings to arbitration, and there is a slight chance they might not meet his demands and he could be claimed in a trade. Should this scenario happen the Avs might be well served to take a chance on this speedy little sniper from hell, if only to cheese hard core Wingnuts.

The only question would be finding an occasionally spectacular, often injured player to send their way. (Uwe Krupp anyone?) What about...Marek Svatos?

Alex Kovalev

Need a moody, selfish, occasionally spectacular, highly paid 70 point scorer who is being run out of town by his or-gan-eye-zation? Look no further than Alex Kovalev. Something tells me the Avs would already have him if there were no salary cap and this was 2001. If only because it would barely make any sense.

Brendan Morrison

Unless I'm missing something and he sill has no knees, or Dallas has already signed him. The Avalanche NEED a guy like Brendan Morrison, even if he is in a wheelchair that he has to control with his lips. Witness Dallas's disintegration after Morrison went out for the season last year. Yes, he's a center and the Avs don't need centers...but really Matt Duschene isn't going to be ready for at least a year. It's something to think about...

Maxim Afinogenov

Maybe his glorious coming out party a couple years back was the product of playing with Daniel Briere, maybe it wasn't. Maybe Afinogenov isn't going to Russia to play, maybe he will. And maybe the Avalanche could use a forward who is still in his prime, who has good hands, and if he played for the Avs we would have plenty of good times making fun of the fact that he looks like a drunk Prince Valliant in his yahoo profile pic:

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/players/1906/career;_ylt=Av_faM3PymUUrBIRraW3_D1ivLYF

Moving on...

Sergei Zubov

Hall of Fame caliber...still unsigned...moves the puck well even when standing still...say, maybe the Avs could get a deal on the old warhorse.

Martin Skoula

(Okay I just threw him in so that you could say "Skoula Sucks")

As you can see, there is still some value to be had if the Avalanche had the wherewithal, and somehow lose all of their discipline, like the Rangers do around this time of year, every year.

The Weeklies

2009-07-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

After what was an extremely active week for the Avalanche in terms of signings the youth movement is officially on in Denver. Little more than a week ago things looked bleak for the team from The Mountains, (granted this rebuild will take time) but as we have learned never count out the Avalanche front office in terms of scouting and bussing players out of town.

-The Mullet Heads to The Beach

I must say it was a bit of a sad 4th of July at DNP HQ. Seeing Ryan Smyth pack up and head to Los Angeles was a bit difficult to take. Denver will miss his heart, work ethic, and most notably his mighty flowing pelt of glory. Take heed Avalanchos! Mullets with that kind of integrity don’t come around very often.

On the positive side, Pierre Lacroix and crew managed to land some upside aside from dumping the remaining years of Smitty’s 5 year, 31.25 million dollar contract.

At the ripe old age of 23, Kyle Quincey possesses size and awareness, especially from the point on the power play. In leading the Kings in defensive scoring last year (38 points in 72 games) Quincey showed promise. His minus-5 plus/minus requires improvement, but the hope here is that as Quincey steps into his mid-20’s he will round into a decent stopper. Failing that his price tag of $550,000 per year ain’t too shabby.

To say Tom Preissing is a bit of a toss-in on top of this deal is well, a bit of an understatement. Two years off of a career best plus-40 with Ottawa, Preissing struggled to play 22 games with the Kings last season. The mystery with Preissing is whether is if he can return to form as a defensive asset, or if his large numbers from two years ago were the product of a high-powered offense in Ottawa.

Just as playing behind a good defense can skew a goalie’s numbers, so can a defenseman have his numbers skewed by playing with a scoring offense. After being named a Hobey Baker finalist out of Colorado College in 2003, Preissing jumped out of the gate fast in San Jose, which eventually landed him a good contract in Ottawa, and consequently a good season. Then came the doldrums in Los Angeles. If he plays in Colorado, he should be counted on as a serviceable defenseman, but at age 30 he is looking at the downside of his prime, so don’t expect big numbers from Preissing this season, assuming he gets into the lineup.

-Mister Anderson

It has bothered me in recent years whenever the Avalanche bring in a new goalie to “challenge” Peter Budaj for the starting goaltender position. Let’s face facts people, Peter Budaj is not a starting goalie. He never was. If he were he would not require motivation in the form of the Jose Theodore’s and Andrew Raycroft’s of the world.

This brings us to Craig Anderson. At $1.8 million Anderson brings with him upside in the form of a tasty .924 save percentage in 31 games as Tomas Vokoun’s backup in Florida. He isn’t necessarily a top-flight goalie, but he does bring with him a good work ethic and the ability to get hot and carry his team, as was evidenced in periods late last season when Vokoun was out with injuries.

Anderson’s numbers won’t be any better than they were in Florida (2.71 GAA), as he’ll man the pipes behind a spotty defense once again. Still, the Avalanche now have a goalie who can make some stops, and with his rather trim salary leaves room for a potential Jonas Gustavsson signing, who for all intents and purposes is still available despite indications he may be heading in the direction of Dallas.

-Alex Tanguay Part Deux-Do we really need this rumor?

Of all the teams trying to make a dent this free agency Montreal has to be on the top of the list. In landing the likes of Mike Cammaleri, Brian Gionta and Scott Gomez the Habs are once again pushing for the Stanley Cup before the people of Hab-land grow even more impatient and start burning cars.

With the addition of Gomez (and his disgustingly large contract considering how he’s worth maybe 65 points in a good year) as the second line center behind Thomas Plekanec, it appears Tanguay is getting bumped from the top two lines. Furthermore,the additions on Gionta and Cammaleri complicate matters.

So let’s look at what we do know:

1. Tanguay is capable of playing both left wing and center.

2. The Avalanche, who have an overabundance of centermen (Sakic-assuming he returns-, Stastny, Duschene, Hensick, Stoa) are thin at left wing (Wolski, McCloud, Gagliardi).

3. Say, maybe the Avalanche could use Alex Tanguay! Go Avs!

(I love hockey rumors)

Could Tanguay return to the Avs? Certainly.

Will Tanguay return to the Avs? I doubt it.

Even with the departure of Ryan Smyth the Avalanche are still looking to recover money. And the real question here is if the Avalanche are looking at bringing in Tanguay do they want to take the chance of trading away future talent to sign on a less than a point-per-game player for good money?

If yes, then they will have less room to rebuild.

If no, then more power to them.

Drafting Up A Future

2009-06-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

For those that had become used to seeing the Avalanche succeed up until the time of the lockout (and even for a couple of years thereafter) it has to boggle the mind that the Avalanche haven't managed to land a top five pick in the NHL draft in seventeen years.

Yep, the last time the Avalanche (then Nordiques) landed in a position to certifiably draft talent Dan Quayle was writing "potatoe" on a chalkboard in a classroom full children, John Gotti was getting hauled off to the clink, and yours truly was stumbling through high school while clad head to toe in flannel.

People, few things were good about calendar year 1992.

Flash forward to today, and I have to say the future looks a little bit brighter for our beloved hockey club. For the first time in a very long time, the Avalanche have managed to truck in some talent without having to trade Brian Rolston...or Alex Tanguay...or Chris Drury...or...I could go on.

Welcome Matt Duchene!

Now all we need is to find a team looking to fill their lineup with some scratch and dent players (Marek Svatos, Scott Hannan) and the Avalanche will be well on their way to success!

Success you say? How? They stink!

Yes kids, like many a crappy team before them the team from The Mountains is fully engaged in what I like to call "The National Hockey League's Talent Bailout Program!"

It is a simple program sponsored by Gary Bettman's irrational belief that parity is a good thing. All it takes is semi-coherent management and a group of athletes who are completely incapable of winning games. Mix in three to four years of pathetic performance, a few salary dumps here and there, a dash of fan sponsored apathy, and before long your team will be signing up top-five draft picks like NAMBLA sponsors at a Jonas Brothers concert!

No need to look any further than the Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins as the best example of the benefits of prolonged tanking! Crosby, Malkin, Fleury. In fact the Pens acquired so much talent during their decade from hell that they were even able to throw some of it away (Esposito) in pursuit of players who later refused to play for them (Hossa), and still etch their names on that glorious chalice!

Need more examples?

Okay, how about the soon to be perennial Western Conference Finalist Chicago Blackhawks?

Oh and there's the St. Louis Blues...and what about the Phoenix Coyotes (save Wayne "I can't coach my way out of a wet paper sack" Gretzky)?

See a trend developing?

This is the great part of supporting a pathetic hockey team. At some point they will suck hard enough that they will be afforded the opportunity to get much, much better.

Better yet, if fans are lucky ticket prices will drop along with attendance, and Jim Balsille will swoop in and attempt to move the squad to Canada. At which point The Commish will step in, shut down the Canadian Supervillain and even *ahem* tilt the draft in your favor. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

And like Christmas in July you have yourself the likes of Sidney Crosby or Alex Ovechkin.

It's juuust that easy!

Now for the next act, getting Jonas Gustavsson into a nice condo in Cherry Creek.

Because Sometimes You Get A Job

2009-06-24T21:20:00.001-07:00

Okay, I admit it, I suck.

Having posted only one single rant wherein I held aloft the accomplishments the mighty Patrick Roy during calendar year 2009 I must hang my head lower than the vaunted Red Wings after they choked away the Stanley Cup.

I feel shame.

There are excuses. Oh yes, there are excuses!

Perhaps the best and worst thing ever to happen in the history of communication has been the advent of the good ol web log. It has allowed many a downtrodden or bored individual to throw up opinions for all the world to see in a public format. This can be good if you are an Avalanche fan (see the playoffs of 2008) and also bad...if you are an Avalanche fan (see the season from hell of 2009).

When I started hammering out these DNP's in 2007 I was in the middle of a quandary of Chaucerian proportions. Simply, it was the best of times, and the worst of times.

I was one of the first people laid off in what has become a very long year and a half for the rest of America. See, I work in architecture (General Contractors please arm your nail guns) and towards the end of the Bush era I think we all know what happened to the construction market. Kaputsky.

Strangely enough my unemployment at the beginning of last year led to me knocking out daily Dog and Ponies for the masses which in a short span of time gained me some notoriety (I think IWOCPO and his gang of idiots over at Kukla's Korner is still trying to find me so they can try and break my knees). I even got published in the Great Book of Denver Sports Lists by Irv Brown and Joe Williams, for which I was paid in nothing but honor. But in that case honor was more than enough.

Therein lay the crux of the problem. Writing gigs don't pay in money.

Flummoxed, and running out of government funding I signed on with a large firm in Phoenix (they have an iced hockey teem), and proceeded to work my living ass off for the entirely of the last calendar year. Much like my beloved Avalanche I was frequently beaten about the head and neck by stingy clientèle, and shortly after my mighty relocation *poof* no more Dog and Ponies for my hockey starved friends.

Bottom line, steady employment ruined by writing career.

All apologies gang.

LET IT BE KNOWN I still do pay attention to the sport of GOD and fully plan on righting this ship. Much like the Avalanche I am hard at work "cleaning house" so to speak, and fully intend to participate in the glorious art of writing for free so that you MY READERS have something to do when you aren't secretly burning discs of your work in your cubicles for use in future interviews.

A couple of quick comments from the last few months:

- Joe Sacco?!

Okay, so Patty Roy didn't want the gig. Fair enough. But could Lacroix have selected someone who has a name that won't completely confuse everyone?

In previous years I got the idea that Pierre always had something up his sleeve. This time around I'm convinced that he is fully intending on tanking the next four years of hockey in Denver.

Certainly Sacco did a good job working out the kids in the minors, but I can't help but get the idea that working as head coach for Pierre Lacroix must be worse than working for Donald Trump, i.e. piss off Pierre and you will never be allowed back in the building.

Bob Hartley isn't up to anything, and Marc Crawford got snapped up by Dallas...and these guys weren't on speed dial once Roy turned down the job? BOTH former Stanley Cup winning coaches weren't considered? Seriously, who did Bob Harley ever hurt? Did he crap in Lacroix's desk on the way out? I don't get it.

-Sidney Crosby didn't shake my hand fast enough and it made me feel poopy.

I find it amazing that all Chris Draper and Nik Lidstrom could do after CHOKING away a Stanley Cup was bitch about Sid the Kid not making it to the post-game lineup fast enough...because he was being interviewed. And then every Detroit fan on the planet spent the next week of their lives whining about it. Really? Weren't the Wings THE CLASS of the NHL? It is whining. It is lame. Stop acting like children. Red. Wings. Suck.

-Deader and Steve. Welcome back.

Even though Adam Deadmarsh and Steve Konowalchuk aren't playing we should all be happy that the Avs have two more leaders back in the or-gan-eye-zation who can help bring the club back to prominence.

-Now that the Avs certifiably suck does this mean Ryan Smyth is due for a career year?

(Someone had to point this out. For whatever reason Smitty thrives when he is THE guy)

-Will Wojtek ever be good?

Ummm...did you catch him in the shootouts last season? I say if he shows up to camp with some more body fat he may just have a (don't take this the wrong way) Todd Bertuzzi-like coming out party. Everyone forgets this but Bertuzzi wasn't Bertuzzi (pre-murderous rampage) until he was in the league for a few years and he grew into his body. I'm not sayin'...I'm just sayin'...

-Finally, Paul Stastny. Next great center of the Avalanche, or next great second line center?

Pay attention people, this next season will be crucial in Stastny's development. Can he stay healthy? Can he take over games? Again, this next season is HUGE for number 26.

That's all for now gang. It's good to be back from the woods.

The Greatest

2009-03-22T22:07:00.001-07:00

If ever there were a time to avoid writing an article of any sort about Denver sports now is surely that time. At least that is what I have told myself during most of this hockey season. It is difficult to write articles when there has been so little good to write about; to discover bright spots during a season so bleak.

Last in the West. How terrible that phrase sounds.

In a season that up until last week seemed to only feature conversations about how long it would take the Avalanche to return to relevance, I cannot blame anyone for finding a reason to avoid watching the boys in burgundy. Because really, in a day and age when terrible sports does nothing to ease the sting of “these troubled economic times”, who wants to deal with another letdown?

Unless of course you can find motivation in the support of a cause. In case you didn’t notice because you were too busy plotting a personal economic exit strategy involving living free in national parks, Martin Brodeur has been crowned “The Greatest Goalie Ever.”

Please.

The pundits in the East have pointed at Brodeur’s new (and growing) all time wins total. They have trumpeted his impending milestone for the most shutouts. I have even read theories about how Marty may have won more 2-1 games than any other goalie, and like the sheep we are, nearly everyone has been nodding their heads in approval.

Truly, what is not to like about Martin Brodeur? He is a calm, unassuming player, and a fundamentally perfect goaltender. Few goalies of this age instill more respect in the opposing team.

Yet the man who would be king must still bow to those who refined the position for him. Bow to men who paved the way for his success: Benedict, Bower, Vezina, Esposito, Smith, Parent, Hall, Plante, Sawchuk, Dryden, Tretiak, Fuhr, and Roy.

For Avalanche fans who must lean on better times and memories, it is difficult to accept Brodeur as the greatest. Simply, we know better. We have seen it ourselves.

Rarely in sports do we as fans gain the opportunity to see greatness compete against greatness. But up until Patrick Roy’s retirement in 2003, Avalanche fans were treated to just that. It was in Roy that fans witnessed firsthand the triumph of greatness over excellence.

Specifically this triumph can be summed up in the form of a single game. Namely, game six of the 2001 Stanley Cup Finals.

In the zenith of what was a long and arduous playoffs, two great teams staffed with legends were mired in the equivalent of trench warfare. The neutral zone trap had cinched off nearly all offense. In fact one of the teams, the Devils of New Jersey, had not only ushered in The Trap, they had practically invented the abomination that was destroying the game. And at its center was Martin Brodeur.

The four-time Vezina Trophy winner can hardly be blamed for being the beneficiary of a revolutionary defensive system for most of his career. In his own right Brodeur is, was, and shall be a first ballot Hall of Fame goaltender. But as the lynchpin of a system that could turn average goalies into good goalies, and good goalies into superstars, Brodeur has surely reaped the benefits.

Coming off their second Stanley Cup championship in five years, the Devils had gained the upper hand in a back and forth series and wrestled away home ice advantage from the Avalanche heading into game six of the Cup finals in 2001. Having rolled the Avalanche 4-1 in a pivotal game five at the Pepsi Center, game six was to be a mere formality. Avalanche were staggered and perched on a cliff needing only to be coaxed over the edge.

Enter greatness. Enter Patrick Roy.

Of any critique that has been leveled against Roy the most accurate is that his supreme arrogance was also his Achilles heel. On one hand his belief that he was the best pushed him to incredible heights, as evidenced by his 10 straight overtime victories in pulling a bad Montreal team to the Cup in 1993. On the other hand there is the image of Roy raising an empty glove against Steve Yzerman during game six of the 2002 Western Conference finals. Then, the hallmark of game five of the 2001 Finals was a Roy flub in which he misplayed the puck behind his net, leading to a momentum changing New Jersey goal; an embarrassment that would surely cost them a championship.

So easily we forget our history, and at the time we were no different. Time and again during his career Roy upheld the label as not only one of the greats, but as the greatest “money” goalie of all time for a reason. When victory mattered most Patrick Roy had no peer. To this day his playoff achievements are unparalleled, as he owns records for most career playoff games played by a goaltender (247), minutes played (15,209), most career playoff wins (151), and most career playoff shutouts (23). Again, when it mattered most Roy excelled.

On that June evening in 2001 with the Stanley Cup at stake no team, no goalie, much less the great Martin Brodeur was going to defeat Patrick Roy.

From the start the Devils were furious in their onslaught, peppering Roy at every opportunity as they had in earlier games. In the first period alone the Avalanche and Roy fought off three shorthanded situations and twelve quality chances, with nearly every one seeming to come from within ten feet of the net.

Sakic, Forsberg, Bourque, Blake, Foote, Drury, the presence of these legends did not ultimately seem to matter. Roy would not be shaken in his focus, and gradually his influence grew and empowered his teammates.

Twelve shots against in the first.
Seven shots against in the second.
Five shots against in the third.

By the end of the third the Devils had turned the game into a street fight, not out of necessity, but out of frustration. In the end the score could not hope to illustrate how Roy had controlled not only the Devils, but also Martin Brodeur, who seemed to devolve and stray from his fundamentals as the game wore on. At times he flopped and dove in desperate attempts to regain an edge that only hours before was his.

Four to zero. A shutout. The Devils were broken. In the greatest matchup between the greatest of goaltenders Roy was the resounding champion. Game seven in Colorado was now the formality, and ultimate victory was simple and sure.

In life there are times in which we are made to doubt what we know to be true despite all evidence to the contrary. These are times when certainty can be destroyed by a simple shift in thinking.

The art of goaltending does not revolve around simply stopping the hockey puck. The art is in stripping the opposing team of its confidence. In this way Patrick Roy achieved something that was greater than his position. Roy mastered the art of controlling the mental chemistry of his opponent.

In this area no other goalie in the history of the game seems to measure up. Certainly Brodeur’s numbers will be greater than all others, and when he is finished he may own all the important records. But in the end these numbers ultimately do not matter.

On that one day in 2001, in that one series, Patrick Roy proved why above all else he is the greatest goaltender to ever play the game.

Blogga-de-blog-blog!

2008-12-01T19:54:00.000-08:00

Fresh off a relaxing Thanksgiving weekend which involved some friends and myself attending the game between the Avalanche and Coyotes on Friday I’m feeling an in-game blog coming on.

Let’s just say that after watching the Avorinos play hard for about seven minutes at the Jobing.com Arena/Condominium Complex I’m a bit “gruntled”. I’m not completely “disgruntled” mind you, but I’m fast approaching full-on exasperation with the Avs.

Still, hope springs eternal (and it isn’t like I have much to do anyways…) as I settle into my couch deep in my Mom’s basement. Would you expect anything less? I mean…the Avs have to start scoring right? Right?!?!?

And we’re off! Tonight features an inter-divisional matchup between the Avs and the team that the Avs upset in the playoffs last season, The Wild. I never get tired of writing that.

5:50 in…

Goal by Pierre Marc Bouchard.

We have a Martin Skoula sighting on that goal. I’m still perplexed how Marty has managed to carve out a career as a defenseman, and on the Wild no less. He has a penchant for…um…how do you say, making himself turn invisible? We all have superpowers. Me? I have a talent for complaining about hockey! SPANK!

9:09…

Goal Marek Svatos! Uh oh. If Svatos gets cranked up this could be an interesting game. I have a friend who played against him once in a beer league game. Apparently playing against Svats is like trying to catch a hummingbird.

About 7 minutes in…

Whew! Nasty rebound off the crossbar. Budaj didn’t see that one and it slapped right down in the crease after nailing the iron. Those are the worst kind of hit-the-post rebounds for goalies because there is no way to know where the puck went.

A couple of thoughts here:

-The Avs are a much better team when they decide to crash the net. It is like a lost art with this team. They have made me long for the days when Adam Deadmarsh and Mike Ricci schooled the league in that area. Minnesota seems to be softer up the middle than Ken Hitchcock tonight. Um…boys…take advantage!

-Three words for the Wild uniforms: “Coleman Camping Collection”. There is trumpeting the fact that your state is a haven for sportsmen and outdoorsy types, and then there is going out of your way to make sure you will get accidentally shot if your wear your team's jersey in the woods.

3:30 left…

Smitty gets mugged by the Wild net. The close up shot reveals that he may be attempting to grow his mullet back, and we all should know what that means. Yep, 6 more months of winter!

The Avs are on the power play facing up against a Wild team that is killing 89% of their shorthanded situations. Yikes. Stastny keeps getting denied. I’m waiting for him to finally snap and start fighting people. Hope, hope!

47.9 seconds left…

Goal Mikko Koivu. Oh and Smitty gets the gate again for verbally abusing the officials. Captain Canada needs to cool it a bit. With Burnaby Joe out this is his team now.

Let’s roll it on to the second period.

22 seconds in…

Goal Bouchard! Good grief. Is this the part of the game where the wheels come off the Avs? Please say no. I have…so many nachos left…

16:11…

GOAL STATS! Finally! The kid finally breaks out of a 4 game scoring slump with a dirty chipper from the low slot. So yer sayin’ there’s a chance?

His fifth goal of the season knots this one up at three. The Avs are vibing well right now. In fact they couldn’t vibe any better if they had Ravi Shankar on the bench juggling crystals.

15:36…

Tyler Arnason gets popped by the Wild net. This is the hardest he’s been hit since he accidentally stepped on Jose Theodore’s paycheck in the locker room during the Detroit series last season.

13:17…

Jordan Leopold is STILL HEALTHY. Stay tuned.

11:44…

Hejduk steals the puck low and scores!

This goal was provided by donors like you…and a boneheaded Marek Zidlicky turning the puck back into his own zone, even though he had a clear chip shot up the ice. Thanks buddy.

Here’s a stat: The Avs had gone 11 straight games with out scoring multiple goals in a period. And you were wondering why I can’t crank out more than one DNP a week…

3:28…

T.J. Hensick scores! Whew! Could this be the kind of blowout that carries Avs fans through the winter?

2:09…

STATS AGAIN! Good gravy. That one was gifted to him in the form of a rebound provided by a driving Smitty. I hope Granato is taking notes here:

1. Drive the net.
2. Play hard all the time.
3. Stop going out for drinks after the game with the team.

40.1 left…

Owen Nolan. Goal. That one was for every beer leaguer over the age 65. Keep reaching for the stars boys!

Make that three power play goals for the Wild on the night. Something tells me the Avs might not be so good on the penalty kill…It’s just a guess…let’s go to the third…

After one of the more exciting periods of the season the third appears to have taken a full dose of Ritalin…fortunately for the Wild, Josh Harding is now holding down the crease. Assuming no more goals go in this means that Harding is going to make some Wild fan happy in their fantasy league.

“Ya see boys! I told ya dat Harding wasn’t gonna let nothing in! Pass me a Leinies and some sliders!”

6:00 in…Grind Time

Brent Burns manages to kick the puck in by also kicking Budaj off the post. But this is allowed because, like, it’s Brent Burns! I mean, yer allowed to do that right?

Oh boy. This is getting tight. If the Avs lose this I might come down with shingles. The tension is palpable!

Zero seconds left…GOAL WILD…wait…check that. Time ran out. No goal. Looks like the Twin cities might see a drop in production in the work force tomorrow. Good.

With that said, The Avs were due in this one. I’m just hoping the dam stays broken. They ain’t gonna win a Cup, but that doesn’t mean they can’t play with the same heart that they did tonight.

Bravo boys. Bravo!

A Message From the Dark Lord

2008-11-23T12:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Avalanche Fans,

It has been a topsy-turvy season for your team, one that has been a pleasure for iced hockey fans like myself who thrive on inconsistency, a lack of scoring, and spotty goaltending.

Who doesn’t enjoy shelling out precious duckets to attend or watch contests that feature grown men shoveling a puck back and forth over an icy surface and never scoring?

I know I do.

I have especially enjoyed watching Aaron D’Albey re-typing variations of the above sentences over and over again during the first quarter of the season, and am looking forward to another five months of him scribing it into his computer-box in an effort to bore the life out of readers.

This is why the Avalanche and Kings game last night was a terrifyingly familiar jaunt into land of mirth and uncertainty. How delightfully disastrous! Your Boys of Burgundy actually managed to secure a two-goal lead before sanity set in, and in the name of fair play allowed my team, the Kings of Los Angeles back into the game before unfortunately defeating them in the shootout.

Chalk one up to character building.

I feel it was quite generous of Peter Budaj to provide my young Kings team hope for the future. It is left to be seen that my club from La-La Land may one day may not need to resort to dirty play of the sort which includes shoving their fellow hockey brethren face first into the boards in an attempt to shake them from their game. But in the meantime I hope they may find a way to take pleasure in the little things like making the black disc of glory hover above the ice surface, or dare I hope, go into the opposing team’s net.

I for one am an enormous fan of clubs that go out of their way to cripple important Avalanche players. I have felt this way ever since one of my minions, a young Kris Draper was sent into the boards by a salty old veteran by the name of Claude Lemieux.

You see I do not believe that the people of Colorado need to take pleasure in successful teams in games of sport. Why, the citizens of the Centennial State should not be allowed to feel good, and must be compelled to work on Sundays. I don’t care what “HE” thinks about that, there are widgets to be crafted! Damn the Broncos! Up with the Raiders!

So take heed, fans of the team from The Mount, last year it was Ryan Smyth and Marek Svatos who were felled with life altering injuries at the hands of the Kings. This year it was Adam Foote and Wojtek Wolski.

What lies ahead is yet to be seen…bwwwahahahahaha!

Kittens and Rainbows,

Satan

Go Figuring

2008-11-16T12:11:00.000-08:00

Is there anything scarier than flipping open the Sunday paper to read “Flames Surround Los Angeles”, as is plastered across the top of the Arizona Republic today. Nothing says your town is in deep trouble quite like that…

I think the only thing that would be more terrifying is if “Invading Mongol Hordes” replaced “Flames” in the headline.

Is this the time to make some kind of Anze Kopitar is a pyromaniac werewolf joke? In most cases, yes. Considering how LA is under siege by nature today…maybe not. Still, I do believe that Anze Kopitar is in fact a werewolf, and I’m sticking by that assertion (note the black rings under his eyes, his shaggy appearance, and of course, the fangs). At some point if the Kings continue to flounder I fully expect to see Kopitar naked on the roof of a burning Staples Center swinging a chain while howling.

My point of this whole thing is that despite the schizophrenic play by the Avalanche over the last month, which has left many people (including yours truly) at a loss for words, things could be worse.

After last evening’s spirited 33 save effort from Peter Budaj, he of the shirtless Ned Flanders helmet is again showing enough flash to make a case that he is capable of holding down a starting goalie role in the NHL. The same can be said about Darcy Tucker, who despite his history of cheap and dangerous play has also created an argument that perhaps fans aren’t giving him a fair shake.

T.J. Hensick, not so surprisingly is also becoming comfortable playing in big leagues, which is an encouraging sign that perhaps Tony Granato is capable of using talent within the Avalanche system. This is a nice selling point when trying to discern the differences between Granato and “I fell backwards into a talented franchise in Chicago after getting fired” Joel Quenneville.

All things considered this is an Avalanche team, which like last season, is continually on the mend and still maturing. Factor in a new coach and there will be struggles. The problem as always is that in a Denver market where even a bad Broncos team will always be the draw, the Avalanche are compelled to push for the playoffs every season just to make payroll. This task is made more challenging by the fact that the organization hasn’t seen anywhere close to an advantageous draft-position since the Quebec days.

If anything this season is begging for a bit of perspective from Avalanche fans, a lowering of standards if you will. This team will surely find its way back into a relevant position. But these things take time. Baby steps…

A few other thoughts on a Sunday

-With Martin Brodeur out for a few months the obvious observation is that Patrick Roy has to be ecstatic that his wins record will take longer to break. As a goalie (and enormous apologist for Roy, who is the greatest goalie of all time) I can’t help but think that Marty’s absence from the game leaves a big hole. In the end sports are thrilling because of competition. Close games are always more fun to watch than blowouts. The Devils are not the same team without Brodeur, and as a fan of the game I can only hope that he returns to hold down the crease in New Jersey for a few more turns.

-The best regular season game I have seen in years occurred this week between the Penguins and Red Wings. Surely it was great to see the Pens come from behind to down the Wings in overtime, but that contest featured everything one could want out of two top-flight clubs. Much has been said for Detroit’s organizational resilience in the post-lockout years, but as Jordan Staal was picking the pocket of Pavel Datsyuk and shoveling the puck for a game winning assist I couldn’t help but yelp in appreciation.

Finally, talent beat Goliath. Youth overcame The System. Progress is a good thing.

-Is Dallas going to make the playoffs? I didn’t think I would be asking this question going into the season, but from the looks of it the Stars don’t have enough cohesion to make the Big Dance.

Much was made of Sean Avery’s transition to the Western Conference but it seems like his inclusion on what was otherwise a strong team may have been a mistake. Dallas already had an agitator in the form of Steve Ott, and what Brett Hull was thinking in bringing Avery over is a mystery. Avery is certainly a master at drawing attention, but in hockey, players who are perceived as self-promoting can be disruptive. Warning bells went off in Dallas after the Boston melee of a couple of weeks ago that had Mike Modano chastising the club from the mountain tops, and the return of Sergei Zubov and Jere Lehtinen don’t seem to have had much of an immediate effect. Should Dallas continue to slide the answer may include the departure of Avery before the trade deadline.

-Poor Barry. After Melrose was let go this week, a mere six weeks into the season, I can’t help but feel bad for the guy. Here is a coach whose previous stint in the bigs had him stalking the bench behind the likes of Wayne Gretzky and Luc Robitaille. This time much was made about how inspirational Barry was, and how he brought only the best out of his team. I still believe there is a place for that kind of attitude in coaching. Barry should have been given a longer shot at success coaching a team one season removed from a disastrous campaign, which culminated in the squad tanking in order to win the Steven Stamkos sweepstakes. As I stated above, progress is a good thing, but progress also takes time to gain momentum. The under-performing Lightning and Barry Melrose deserve better.

-Finally, how good is Boston? I keep wondering this, and not only because Tim Thomas has nicely rounded out my otherwise unbeatable stable of goalies on my fantasy team (Lundqvist, Miller, Thomas). Each season there seems to be a team that I keep flipping to when I turn on the teevee. This season I keep landing on Boston. Perhaps it’s fate?

The Bruins are 10-3-4 on the year and are beginning to look not only fortuitous, but also downright stout. Phil Kessel is in the midst of a breakout season, and Marc Savard is pumping away with 19 points in 17 games. Zdeno Chara is crushing people as usual, but the success of this team has to rest on the shoulders of Thomas.

The easy way to tell if a team is good is to look at the two-way play of their forwards, but this is a generic view. The real “tell” of a good hockey team is to watch for confidence in their goaltender. So far this season Thomas appears to have become a patient master of the position. There is absolutely no panic in that man. The Bruins are generating momentum off of this attitude, and for the foreseeable future may make for couple of surprises come playoff time.

Thoughts on a Sunday

2008-11-09T18:38:00.001-08:00

So ends another week of strange futility by the Avalanche. I can’t decide what to write about them because really, I can’t figure out anything to write about. I actually had this conversation with a friend today over the phone:

“I have nothing to write about, and I don’t think many people can say much about the Avalanche that isn’t obvious. They either stink badly or only stink a little. The Denver Post just did an article about how Paul Stastny uses wood sticks for crying out loud! This team can’t even seem to be interestingly bad most of the time. ”

“Didn’t Budaj get a shutout in the last game? You can write about that.”

“I don’t want to. There are shutouts which are well deserved. And there are shutouts which are the product of desperation. You know, like how a guy who knows he might get fired starts pumping out a ridiculous amount of work? Well, Budaj’s was the latter. My head hurts.”

Even worse, have you ever had one of those dead weeks in sports where not even your fantasy squad meets with much luck? You know the kind where none of your goalies do anything of merit against easy teams?

I had one of those weeks this week.

Neither the Avalanche nor the Iron Mullets did much except lose. On top of that, nothing feels quite as lame as having your real and fantasy Captain go down with a bad back...

The lameness isn’t a good or bad feeling so much as it is neither shocking nor unpredictable.

One of the more interesting developments this week was Darcy Tucker finding his way onto the score sheet. Tucker has chalked up 6 points in 14 games and sits at minus-2 on the season. Contrast that with Andrew Brunette who has 9 points in 13 games and is also a minus-2.

Tucker makes 2,250,000 a season
Brunette makes 2,333,000 a season

Bruno has more points in fewer games and costs a mere 83,000 more in Monopoly money. I’m not quite sure what this means but I swear I’m not at all bitter about it.

In better news, T.J. Hensick and Kyle Cumiskey were brought up for a tour with the big club, which caused me to start a list:

Signs You Might Want to Avoid Becoming Emotionally Attached to Your Hockey Team

#1 Your 39 year old warhorse goes out with a bad back a month into the season.

#2 Fans are begging the coach to play the kids with less than a quarter of the season gone, and their wish is granted out of sheer necessity.

#3 Your goalie follows up five embarrassing losses with a shutout. (Because, you know, enough is enough already!)

#4 Your team has people who felt that pillaging at least one player from the Maple Leafs was a good idea.

I got tired of writing the list after number four because I got distracted by a rerun of Bear Grylls dissecting and then sleeping in a camel.

Writing about this team is frustrating.

One of the problems that the Avalanche is having is a glaring identity problem. This team is attempting to be both bruising and built for speed. If I had to wager I would say that coming out of the lockout management felt that the game was going in a newer, faster direction ala the Buffalo Sabres. Only the new style hung around for precisely one season in the Western Conference.

Sports in general are all about systems. This is why Detroit never seemed to falter after the lockout. Ken Holland and Scottie Bowman had a system, and spent the last decade drafting players tailored to Detroit’s method of hockey. The reason the Avalanche are struggling is that they are a mish-mash of players tailored to various coaching systems.

The Avalanche caught their mistake and seem to be attempting to turn the tide, but at times the tide seems directionless. Throw in a new/old coach and the system gets even more convoluted.

In order to see some kind of success this year the team must answer a question that many fans are beginning to ask: Who exactly are the Avalanche?

If only because I’d like to have something interesting to write about…

Mailbag day!

2008-11-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

Well sportorinos after a bit of a layoff I thought I’d throw out the first mailbag of the new season. As always the bitterness runs deep. Keep in mind, we are now a solid eight years removed from the last Avalanche title. Eight years! Crikey. That’s a long time. I feel your angst. Actually I don’t just feel it, I’m a walking angst machine!

-Talk to me D. How do the Avs win a title this season? Simple. They don’t.

Brad
Denver

Well Brad, the only way the Avs win a title is if somehow they land an absolute ringer in net (of course I’m writing this as Johnny Toewes is lighting up Budaj like a roman candle). There are believers in the Avalanche goalies, but when it comes to goaltending I’m a realist. There just aren’t that many goalies capable of carrying a team to a Cup these days, and the Avs have not one, but TWO backup goalies.

I think there are only three goalies who could get hot enough, and have the talent to bring their respective squads to the promised land: Henrik Lundqvist, Martin Brodeur, and Roberto Luongo.

These days it is all about the defense in front of a goalie. This is how Chris Osgood (of all people) is considered Hall of Fame worthy. Just the mere thought of the man making the HOF makes me nauseous. If he was worthy then why were the Wings constantly searching for a goalie in their down years? I guarantee if Dom Hasek was A) ten years younger and B) sane, the Wings would take him in a second.

Unfortunately there just aren’t many goalies available who can play at a level necessary to even carry their team past the second round. Nik Khabibulin seems to come up in conversation a lot these days. If, and I mean IF the Avs get Khabibulin, I’m not sure if they have a defense that is stout enough to keep the man in net long enough for him to even get hot.

D’Albass, you know the Avs suck. And everyone knows you suck. In fact you suck so hard you could not only clean off a chrome trailer hitch, you could then sell your lungs for scrap metal afterwards.

Mike
Detroit

Thanks Mike. I missed Mike. I’m sure it was a long summer for him…what with all that looking for work outside of the methadone clinic.

Who wins the Northwest? Not the Avs, right? They score a lot, but that’s about it.

Matt
Boulder

Alright, I’m laying it down. Somehow. Some way. The Avalanche will find a way to win the Northwest. How do I know this? Simple. The Avalanche since their inception, have always found a way to be just competitive enough that they don’t get decent draft picks. They either score players in the later rounds (Drury, Hejduk, even Stastny in the 2nd round AFTER Ryan Stoa) or they trade for them. One way or another they absolutely refuse to suck hard enough to build a solid franchise through the draft. This is a given.

Chris Stewart, are you listening?

Now that the Coyotes are good you are a fan. You know you are a fan. Loser.

Nate
Westminster

Yeah that’s it. I’m a Yotes fan now. I go all the way to the desert to find work and fall in love with the hockey team. Seriously. No I mean really…I LOVE driving 30 miles to an arena that looks like a condominium complex on the outside to sit with people who have migrated from Detroit and watch a young, spritied team coached by the greatest hockey player of all time. Why you ask? Irony. Yep. I’m a white guy. Can’t get enough of ironic things like watching a team playing ice hockey in the middle of the largest desert in North America, all while wondering if what I’m doing is actually ironic. Oh the irony…ya know what would be really ironic? If after saying that the Avs beat the Yotes in the playoffs. Why, because then I’d have absolutely no idea what irony was or could be at that point.

And with that in mind I just watched Joel Quenneville smack his former team and former assistant Coach as the new head of the Blackhawks.

Revenge anyone?

Four games at once?! You betcha, guy!

2008-10-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

My how things can change. In this space, about this time last week, I was just hoping the Avalanche could win a game before Christmas. Now? It seems all the Avalanche need to go on a Cup run is a decent goalie.
I considered cranking out an article about how the Avs are the Sabres of the Western Conference: Lots of flash and dash but lacking enough substance to go anywhere. Hooray for cynical hockey writing!

I needed to readjust and start enjoying this sport again. That and burn out the cartilage in my wrists. You think nailing together a one game commentary is tough? Try four games at once. Yep, I have settled down for a 1 hour burn through four games in an attempt to gain some enlightenment.

Remember; pour beer down center to release carbonation and aroma.

AGAIN!

The games on tap appear to be:

Game 1- Pens-Rangers from MSG
Game 2- Canes-Isles from Nassau Coliseum
Game 3- Boston-Atlanta in Beantown
And…
Game 4-Ducks-Habs at the Bell Centre

Lord. All potentially fast moving East coast games. I may need to hire a court reporter to do my typing.

Game 1- 2 minutes in…
The Rangers look at bit slow coming into this game. It’s just a theory but the Blueshirts might be hungover. Fortunately with the cooler weather the urine stink at the top on MSG around the concessions should be under control. So they have that going for them.

Game 2- 2 minutes in…
Canes and Isles…Canes and Isles…
I’ll make a bit of a wager here. The only way the Isles win this is if Rick DiPietro somehow inherited bionic hips last week.

The tech folks just flashed up the Sutter family tree to illustrate just how many Sutters have played in the NHL. With Brandon Sutter hammering out ice time on the Canes the number now stands somewhere in the area of 36.
That family has definitely staked their legacy as the Von Traps of hockey. The Granatos better step it up!

Game 3- 2 minutes in…

Manny Fernandez is facing Johan Hedberg. With that in mind the final score here should be somewhere in the area of 13-10, with Jason Elam kicking the winning field goal in overtime.

Oooh! 20 seconds in and Todd White gets rung up for charging, and Atlanta is fired up!

Every time Boston plays a game I fully expect Adam Sandler to rush the ice and start punching opposing players. It’s like, a dream of mine.

Game 4- 2:40 in…

GOAL by Kent Huskins.

The Ducks roster clearly states that Kent plays for Anaheim. Okay then. George Parros nailed down an assist on that one. I keep trying to figure out if in another life Parros with that ‘stache was an adult film star or a gold prospector. I’m thinking the latter. He strikes me as the kind of person who gets interviewed by local news people right after his secluded cabin in the mountains gets washed out by a flash flood.

5:41 in and here we go again! Getzlaf with the goal.

That guy is a hoss. I spent all last season talking smack to the people in my fantasy league about how he might not be a great fantasy player. It was a ruse that failed miserably, and I never got him on my team. I missed again this year. Maybe next year I can get yahoo to somehow cloak Getzlaf in their player rankings so I can quietly steal him.

Game 2-

The announcers are talking about “This Brendan Witt situation”
Did I miss something? He’s out with an injury. What is he now on the roof of Nassau naked and swinging a chain?! I’m concerned. You know things are going badly for your hockey team when you have a Brendan Witt situation.

8:49 in…Brindy with a nifty goal past a swimming DiPi.

When the Canes won the Cup I made fun of him for kind of looking like Frankenstein. I’d like to retract that. He’s only partially robotic. The rest of Rod Brind'Amour is 100% human. Sorry.

Game 1- 9:04 in…Darryl Sydor with a goal

Okay really. The Pens defensive situation is horrible enough that Sydor has stepped in for Gonchar and Whitney while sharing the ice with rookies like Alex Goligoski. Nice goal by Darryl though. It seems like he went from fantasy hockey darling to “he’s still playing?” in a short span of time…and yet somehow Martin Skoula played on a defensively minded team (Minnesota) whilst Darryl was maligned. Hockey doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Here’s an uplifting commercial:

“That’s Dan. And I’m Dan’s pancreatic cancer…”

Hello Dan’s pancreatic cancer! I’m Aaron’s inability to put up with commercials reminding me about cancer. Would you mind paying royalties to Chuck Palahniuk for stealing his literary devices? I think Tyler Durden might like to have a word with you.

Game 3- Back to Beantown…

“Colby Armstrong and Erik Christensen are the remainder of Marian Hossa”

Gotta love that kind of division by the announcers. Do you think that’s how the Hossa trade went down for Atlanta GM Don Waddell?

“Well we traded Dany Heatley for Hossa. That was a pretty fair trade. But now you want me to trade Hossa for Armstrong and Christensen? Okay let’s think this over. I’d say Armstrong is like 50% of Marian Hossa…IF one considers his atomic composition. He might be solid gold. From what I understand Christensen could be like, 48% polonium, but we are waiting on the geologic reports. But…Angelo Esposito could be 100% dynamite! Okay, let’s do this!”

15:03 in…goal by Jason Williams.

Exactly how many Williamses are there in this league? 50? Or is there only one Williams and he’s been passed around from team to team? I’m confused. Is he the same brand as Jon Sim 4.0?

19:94 in …Mathieu Schneider goal.

Let’s wrap this up. My wrists are frozen. Seriously. I could like, chop though stuff. Like wood! Or…or wood! Wait, I said that already…

Game 4- Don Cherry

I gotta say this. Can the NFL please stop stealing ideas and traditions from the NHL? There is no Football Night in America! There just isn’t. There was once Sunday Night Football. It should have remained Sunday Night Football. IT WAS FINE! Have some friggin’ respect and come up with your own ideas.

I’m waiting for Don Cherry to snap, travel south, and beat the hell out of Bob Costas. You know, for the kids.

Cherry by the way is sporting a lavender suit. Yep. Lavender. Nothing says “don’t screw with the old guy” quite like a lavender suit.

I like to think that his early period with the Colorado Rockies was more of a developmental stage wherein he was more introspective in nature. So much plaid… It wasn’t until he moved on to Coach’s Corner that I feel he was able to blossom as an artist, and let his true colors, as it were, shine through. These are the greatest days of what can be referred to as the Late Cherry Era, which has featured collectors fighting for every new work. Every scrap of history produced by the legend. He is history…and history is Don Cherry.

Remember that kids.

Perplexity

2008-10-21T18:58:00.001-07:00

Often times when I write this column I find myself wondering why I write. I suppose we all run into these periods in life, when we question just why we are doing what we are doing.

If you are like me and involved in architecture you find yourself asking this question frequently, especially during conversations with people who find what you do to be amazing. “If they only knew…”

Architecture, more often than not is long, aggravating periods of wanting the work to come to an end, all while accepting that being overwhelmed with work in this day and age is probably a good thing.

It is times like this when I think of what life is like for players who spend their careers bumping around on the third and fourth lines on various hockey teams, like drafters in a design profession. Those vagabonds. These grinders. These people who sacrifice their bodies day in and day out for the glory of five minutes of rigor and violence.

Occasionally a goal is scored. Occasionally a fight is won. But mostly it seems to involve long periods of waiting for action. Like soldiers on the front line who expend much of their energy simply fighting off hours boredom while pining for brief moments of adrenaline. There is something infinitely interesting about that tension. It is tangible and palpable.

Much is made of the architects of the game, and of the beauty and precision with which they work. These are the lucky few, these people of worship. Lamentably they aren’t the people with whom I can always relate.

To me grinders are the players who bring character to the game. They are the plumbers and welders of the sport. If given a choice I’d like to think that I would hang out with Ian Laperriere instead of Joe Sakic, if only because he might have something interesting to say without becoming sickened from the regurgitation of experience and repetitive questioning.

So on days like this when I’ve been worn down from another day of doing a job that everyone else thinks they want to do, I like to take a break from questioning my motivation and think of those who are simply happy to be “there”. Those people who are the willing grinders in life, who know there is something bigger and better, yet are just as happy to accept a beer and fill your ears with tales of battle instead.

Drop in Hockey

2008-10-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

Oh for a win…

With today’s announcement that Peter Budaj is being replaced between the pipes by Andrew Raycroft, Avalanche fans can hardly be blamed for their exasperation. To date the last time our boys in burgundy won a game that counted was April 19th, as Mr. Propecia, Jose Theodore completed a magnificent series against the Wild.

Since that fateful day the Avalanche have been beaten, beleaguered and turned into a virtual punching bag by the NHL. The easy out at this point is to blame the goalies for the team’s futility. It is typical and hurts less than admitting the futility may run deeper.

To be honest, Budaj hasn’t been David Aebischer blowing the first save of every important game bad. Rather, the man has been put into a situation that no goalie wants- he has been turned into a pylon by his defense.

To many goalies this feeling can be summarized in three words: Drop in hockey.

Drop in hockey to many who play is a great way to stay in shape. It is fast moving and exciting. Passes fly, players attempt new moves and shots, and everyone has a bunch of fun…except the goalies.

To most goalies, drop in hockey is a voluntary descent into the 10th circle of Dante’s Hell. You know the part with divorce lawyers and commercial artists. Except if that part of hell featured hockey with no referees, and nobody played defense.

It is an empty feeling, playing behind a bad defense.

A great defense saves a goalie in one major way- they keep the shots down, literally and on the score sheet. Great defensemen clear the puck, move opposing players out of way, and maintain order in the defensive end.

A bad defense doesn’t always do any of the above, which causes shots to go up. When faced with too many shots a goalie, no matter how good he is, is prone to overcompensation and panic.

To summarize the descent in to goalie hell let me explain. More shots cause a goalie to work harder, this makes him tired, tired becomes exhaustion, which makes him start leaning, falling down, and flailing. This causes goals to go up, which finally causes said goalie to overcompensate and panic.

It is a miserable and humiliating experience.

In the first three games of the new season, Peter Budaj, who again hasn’t been that bad considering the circumstances, has been seen falling out of the crease like he’s getting shot by a sniper. Budaj isn’t squaring to the puck. He is playing small. He can’t even seem to focus enough to catch easy wrist shots in his glove. And the worst part is that little of this behavior is really his fault.

I am legitimately concerned about the Avalanche this season. As I stated before they will score goals, and they do. But this team will go absolutely nowhere until their defense decides to play as a unit throughout their top six. Otherwise they may need to stock up on goalies.

On the bright side, perhaps management will decide to pick up a top-flight defenseman at some point this season rather than throwing money at Peter Forsberg. I can only hope.

We are already down to Andrew Raycroft, people.

Andrew Raycroft!

Thought on a Sunday

2008-10-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Every year there is a rumor that floats around for the better part of the offseason which spills over into the regular season. Last season the popular rumor centered around the personification of injury problems- Peter Forsberg. This season we are stuck with yet another Swede who may or may not play (even though he probably shouldn't)- Mats Sundin.

The current predominant Sundin rumor is that the Sens are pushing for Sundin, as Daniel Alfredsson is in the shop for a couple of weeks getting a bone chip removed from his knee. The notion is that Heatley and Spezza will have nobody else to play with on their line.

Let's think about this for a minute. Mats Sundin is a center. Daniel Alfredsson is a wing. Alfie plays opposite Dany Heatley in most situations, with Jason Spezza centering them. Every year some Ottawa coach at the time talks about breaking up this line, and it happens...for about 2 games before the line is reunited, which makes for interesting annual arguments in fantasy leagues across North America.

Alfredsson's injury shouldn't mean the Sens go into panic mode and attempt to land Sundin, here's why- even if they wanted to sign the man they don't have anywhere close to the necessary salary cap room.

(I'd also like to add that they would be sporting two centers on their top line (Spezza and Sundin), or else they'd be looking at throwing big money at a 2nd line center who hasn't touched any ice not involved in a gin and tonic for well over 8 months.)

According to NHLSCAP.com the salary cap for the 2008-09 season is $56.7 million. As it stands the Ottawa Senators are at $53,176,555 and after taxes, title and fees have precisely $3,236,004 in cap room.

Just over three mil a year is below market value for even a retired Mats Sundin, and far below the 10 million dollars a season he was offered by Montreal earlier this year and rejected.

The fact of the matter is that even if Sundin wants to come back, all indications point to the fact that he would really only like to do it with Toronto, a team that basically kicked him out the door. (Don't get me started on that abstract and sad situation.)

Some people are predicting Mats goes to Detroit if he returns. Not only would Sundin going to Detroit be akin to blasphemy, but he would be asked to accept just over 47 grand to play, as the Wings are tight to the cap. The last time I checked, this cannot happen as NHLPA rules dictate that professional hockey players in the NHL are not allowed to make teacher money.

So there is no way Detroit, which has somehow managed to convince a slew of talented players to take far below market value to play for the Wings in the quest for the Cup, will get Mats Sundin.

The following are the teams where Sundin could play:

Atlanta (over 10 mil in cap room) -Mats plays for Atlanta the day the sun goes supernova.
Buffalo (over 5 mil in cap room)- Possible but improbable.
Carolina (over 5 mil in cap room)- Brindy and Staal. Um...no.
Colorado (over 4 mil in cap room)- The Avalanche don't need a center with the return of Sakic (and probably Forsberg in December)
Columbus (over 6 mil in cap room)- Columbus has already invested in youth, and Sundin is practically unnecessary on a team where one must hip check to play.
LA (over 12 mil in cap room) The Kings have a LOT of work to do before they should even consider asking Sundin to live on the worlds largest parking lot.
NJ (over 10 mil in cap room)- mmmaybe? But why would the Devils throw most of their cap money at a retired guy when they already have a blossiming Zach Parise?
NYI (over 8 mil in cap room)- *snick*
Phoenix (over 9 mil in cap room)- Not with that youth movement in full effect, and they already signed Jokinen.
Toronto (over 7 mil in cap room)- Please, somebody disband the Leafs, for the sake of the children.
Vancouver- (over 9 mil in cap room)- They tried. He blew them off like the cheer squad ignoring the chess club.

Finally, there is the HUGE assumption that if Mats Sundin were to return he would actually be effective. Keep in mind the last time Mats Sundin potted over 80 points was the 1998-99 season.

Bottom line, even if Sundin wants to come back, does anyone at this point really think any team with the financial wherewithal would take him?

Bloggeration!

2008-10-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

Straight off the couch it’s the DNP with Game One of the new Avalanche season!

I'm excited! The new season means one thing above all else: we get to make fun of guys on skates with mullets again. Ahhh, I missed hockey.

So without further adieu…

6:30 left in the 1st Period- I’m finally cutting in to the game after what seems like hours of arguing with the help at Cox cable. Seems Center Ice doesn’t cover games shown on Versus. I did not know this. So for five more dollars a month, I now have permission from the cable people to watch the Avalanche on m’teevee! Lo, the price one must pay to pay attention to ice hockey while living in the middle of a desert. I’m…not smart.

5:08- Wolski goal! Is this the start of a career for Dub Dub? From the looks of it the kid gained no weight. This isn’t a good sign but what do I know, I live in my Mom’s basement.

3:50- Love the announcers on this game. “Tony Granato is much more confident this time as coach…”

We are in good hands. Coach is confident this time. I’m reassured.

Mike Richter and Bryan Leetch are at the Can for the big start of the new season. Is there any way the Avs can talk Leetchie into moonlighting? These are tough times. Dude might need the money! Someone should ask him.

2:52- Scott Hannan goes back for the puck. He did a lot of that last season. I have to wonder what is less fun for a defenseman- Going back for the puck? What about getting hit by the puck? Ooh...or how about almost never scoring?

Actually, outside of hitting, what is really that much fun about being a defenseman?

1:50- The Avs are having issues clearing the puck, and I just noticed that Smitty’s mullet has been trimmed. I’m becoming legitimately concerned about the team.

The first intermission interview of the new year is with Captain Joe who somehow manages to express that he likes the Avs depth this season. As always I feel that Joe did a good job on that interview. I mean, there were parts where he could have improved, but really he’s just taking it one interview at a time, while hoping for the best.

I missed Joe.

This just in! Robbie Luongo was named captain of the Canucks earlier. I thought naming your goalie captain wasn’t allowed in hockey, but now that I think about it, who else is going to be the captain of that squad?

18:00 left in the 2nd- The Avs jump out with better D and kill off a penalty. This kill is special because it involves Joe Sakic back checking at the age of 39. I’m not even sure how to describe that sight now that I know that once your body gets much past the age of 32, sneezing wrong can cause you to throw out your back.

14:27 - Two interesting things just happened. Ruslan Salei brought out the boomstick on a nasty slapper from the point, and Scott Thornton cleaned out Darcy Tucker.

I’m okay with both of these things.

14:40- Krejci and Lucic. One is Canadian. One is a Czech. I’ll let you decide.

13:26- Nothing big from Joe Sakic, ladies and gentlemen. Remain calm. The man only stole the puck from two defenders, snapped off a rope, and left the cleanup for Cody McCloud. No biggie.

12:45- Interesting news here: Brett Clark changed sides so he could play with Adam Foote. Methinks this may cause problems for the defense.

11:31- Darcy Tucker gets pinched out of the play after beating his man to the puck.

(I have nothing here other than I just wrote the above so I don’t have to type it again in the future. I can cut and paste. It is more efficient. This team will score, oh yes. But their physical guys have to actually control the puck when they are being physical. Let’s move into the 3rd period before I get more aggravated)

14:24- Michael “Knight” Ryder with the score. Can someone explain to me why the producers of Knight Rider decided to stick a fin and ventilation pipes on the Shelby? It looks like a remote controlled car that would sell at Wal Mart. I’m bummed.

9:43- Score! Jordan Leopold to tie it up at four. He somehow managed to get the puck to the back of the net without giving himself a hernia. I think we all win on this one.

The media circus stops for a moment to interview Natalie and Don Granato, Cammi’s parents. I gotta say it, they are exactly what I envisioned the leaders of the Granato clan to be: Nice, courteous, and worn the hell out from years of driving kids to practice at 5am.

7:30 to 4:00- Grind time. This game has all the makings of an overtimer. Which would mean that there is the potential Keith Jones may refer to it as a "tilt" during the next break.

3:20- Svatos between the circles? No!

Here’s a terrifying fantasy pairing: Marek Svatos and Tyler Arnason. Watch it Edmonton! Are you seeing this?! Fear the Avalanche! Fear them!

2:36- Krejci. Score. Something tells me he has the potential to be one of the best players in hockey and not even his own coach will have confidence when trying to pronounce his name.

“Um. Krererrrejjjji-seee. KarIRRRidge-essessssEEE. Um. David did great tonight.”

1:41- The Avalanche go on the PP right at the end of the game. Now THIS is worth the price of a ticket in a bad economy.

It’s go time. Shot. Shot. Shot annnddd….

3 seconds left- NO! Captain Joe gets stopped on a snapper up close! GAAHHH!!!!

Game over.

Okay I admit it, this might be another frustrating season, but if the Avs keep up the tempo it might not be lame.

Good times.

I’m going to bed.

The Season Opens Tonight on Versus!

2008-10-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

Your Colorado Avalanche open the season tonight on Versus against the Boston Bruins for what should be an exciting start to the season for two teams which are already struggling to make the playoffs.

The Avalanche feature a (finally) healthy team led by the returning Joe Sakic, who apparently figured out over the summer that he wouldn't know what to do for eight months of the year without hockey. (Denny's gets pretty boring if you try and hang out there for longer than two hours. They won't even keep filling your coffee if they figure out that you have nothing else to do. It's soooo totally lame!)

Captain Joe needs a mere 28 assists to pass Mario Lemieux on the all-time assists list. Say that five times fast...assist list...assist list...

On the other bench will sit the Boston Bruins, who have plenty of time to pay attention to hockey now that it is clear the Patriots stink (yes!). Terry O'Reilly retired years ago so the Bruins will look elsewhere for a man willing to fight the newly minted antagonization combo of Darcy Tucker and Ian Laperierre.

Zdeno Chara is about seven feet tall on skates, and for some reason opposing players have yet to figure out how to trip him out of the rink. But you know it could happen, that's why we watch.

I'll roll out my commentary after the game, since I lack the ability to type fast enough to keep up with the fastest game on Earth. So join me then as I explore new ways to make fun of our favorite sport.

The Colorado Avalanche tonight on Versus- They show hockey there. No really.

Knight Rambler

2008-10-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

So what to write after what seemed like the longest offseason in the history of the Avalanche?

No Cup. No electrifying new players. Nothing but the lingering effects of being unceremoniously dumped in the second round by a juggernaut. Hooray. I've gone through five versions of what is supposed to be my grand 2008-2009 version of the DNP and I keep returning to one conclusion: I'm not excited at all by this year's edition of the Colorado Avalanche.

What is there to cheer for outside of an encore performance by Captain Joe?

Let's ring off the Avs hot summer signings!

-Darcy Tucker. Really? The last time I checked it took Mats Sundin in his prime to lift Tucker to a level where many hockey fans genuinely dislike him. Was keeping Andrew Brunette around going to be that difficult?

-Andrew Raycroft. Okay? Should the Avs coaching staff be preparing to scout around for another goalie if Jeff Hackett coaches the former Calder winner back into form, and he leaves for more money? Or is he going to simply end up as the backup to a guy who should be a backup- Peter Budaj?

Or should they just play Jeff Hackett? Hmm...

-Per Ledin. Do you apply this before or after swimming and does it leave any unsightly discoloration?

Recently Chris Stewart was cut from the squad. I seem to remember campaigning for him amongst friends last season, only to be baffled once again by his inability to make it through a training camp. Stewart is in his early 20's so there is still hope, but really, shouldn't a guy chosen in the first round have enough talent to at least scrape his way onto the 4th line?

Joe is a year older.
Hejduk is always sore.
Svatos is half robot.
Wolski is well...Wolski.

This is why every time I try and talk about the Avalanche I end up disgusted and wanting to walk down the street slapping people like Bernie Mac in "Head of State"! I don't want another season of hoping Ryan Smyth can knock out 55 games.

Maybe T.J. Hensick will rise up and stun hockey...and maybe he'll find a way to eat himself heavier than 93 pounds...

There are rebuilding years, which happen out of nowhere because of bad circumstances. There are rebuilding years which are somewhat predictable because change is necessary.

And then there are the Avalanche this and last season, who were and will seem to be the only team simultaneously rebuilding while trying to win the Cup. It is an ambitious, bipolar policy which will continue even after Peter Forsberg laces 'em up around mid-December, gets injured in practice, and kills 4 million dollars in cap room while nailing down 17 games on the season.

For me that doesn't promise much excitement at all...

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

2008-09-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

The new season is coming to a browser near you!

Read. Drink. Hockey.

Whither the DNP?

2008-05-31T11:20:00.000-07:00

With the Stanley Cup finals now three games deep, and the Avalanche sporting what can only be some kind of Tony Granato clone as their new head coach (that’s a joke right?), more than a few people wondered aloud what the hell was going on with the DNP and its lack of coverage.

Many of you felt it was irresponsible of me to close up shop for the summer after the Avalanche were run out of the playoffs and yours truly was relocated from the refreshing isolation of Denver to the shockingly closer to the ocean, “Valley on the Sun”. I mean “Valley in the Sun”. I mean Phoenix. It’s hot here.

In the words of the once funny Steve Martin “Well excuuuuuuuse ME!”

But really, I can’t blame you. You THE READER make many a convincing argument. So before this becomes too long-winded, here’s a little bit o’ mailbag for the reading. I'll be back just as soon as I figure out why the tap water in Phoenix is never cold...hmmm.

“D’Albey, I said that you and the Avalanche sucked and I am right. You still don’t deserve a team in Denver.”

Mike
Detroit

Oddly enough no Red Wings fan has been able to answer me one simple question involving something widely known outside of the Motor City as “logic”:

Since Detroit is known amongst Red Wings supporters as “Hockeytown” that should mean that the Red Wings have won the most Stanley Cups. Because in order to be proclaimed as the “Town of Hockey” one would think that only a place that has proven to be the best at hockey would be afforded the luxury of calling attention to the fact that it is the Zion of a particular sport.

So again, Detroit has won the most Stanley Cups, right?

Right?!

“Since you now live in Phoenix you are going to become a Coyotes fan. I can feel it.”

Brad
Denver

Brad I swear to the Lord on high that I will not become a Yotes fan. If I’m a fan of anything or anyone out here it is Daniel Carcillo. Who by many accounts is planning on halving his penalty minutes next season, which is pretty much the lamest thing I’ve read since Section P of yesterday’s Arizona Republic was dedicated in its entirety to the upcoming Sex and the City movie.

2 1/2 hours of women in their 40’s who can’t stop whining? That's Sextacular!

“Tony Granato is the new coach of the Avalanche and you didn’t write a DNP the instant this information was made public? What the hell?!”

Jeff
Northglenn, CO

I’m not going to admit that I dropped the ball on this one even if I probably did drop the ball. The thing is that I wasn’t shocked by the decision and I’m still not shocked by the decision. I was so un-shocked that I didn’t even care to write about it.

What I did find shocking was how nearly every Denver columnist and blogger went overboard in their negative reactions to Granato’s promotion. What because Pat Burns or some Detroit assistant coach were going to do the trick? Really?

I say give the guy a chance. I’m curious to see what Tony can do now that he has more experience. In his previous stint he was promoted after only 6 months as an assistant coach and his starting goalie was David Aebischer. What were we supposed to expect from him when his goalie was known in places as “Swiss Cheese”?

This time around if the team can stay healthy (which was THE problem this season) I can’t see Tony doing any worse than Joel Quenneville did…and by that I mean they could get swept out of the second round again.

Can the Avs maybe start scouting Swedish players this season? It’s just a thought.

“Tell me the Penguins will win the Cup! Russia already won at the World’s and I don’t think I could handle seeing another “Red Army” walking away with a title”

Bill
Arvada, CO.

I still think Detroit wins the Cup. They are just too good and they have home ice. Although things could change now that Holmstrom looks to be down and out, and the Pens are playing more physical.

It slays me that Evgeni Malkin is disappearing at exactly the wrong time. Nobody on Detroit can cover him but for some reason he doesn’t seem to realize that fact. He scores in droves if he just takes the puck, puts his head down, and starts smacking people.

The Pens should by all accounts win more than one Cup, but I just don’t know if this is their year. From the looks of things we are in for a long summer of dry, emotionless interviews involving players representing Detroit and Russia who can’t seem to be anything other than dry and emotionless.

Hooray for lame hockey!

Sweeps Week

2008-05-02T09:47:00.001-07:00

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”
Colonel Bill Kilgore in Apocalypse Now

For any recent transplants living in Colorado who may be wondering what it is like to truly become a Denver sports fan, welcome to the fraternity.

And I thought the Broncos losing to the 49ers 55-10 in the Superbowl was embarrassing. Silly me. As it turns out the end of the worst week in Colorado sports history couldn’t have been more, well, sickly poetic?

This post-season of futility began with the Nuggets going down to Kobe Bryant and the Lakers without much of a fight, and ended with the Avalanche getting run out of their building by a team that nearly everyone living at altitude loves to hate.

Over the last year the Rockies, Nuggets and Avalanche have all been broomed from the playoffs in unceremonious fashion. Thanks for playing, guys.

To be a Denver sports fan one must realize a simple tenet: our teams lose important games more often than they win them…and much of the losing happens during times when our teams are thrust into the limelight by previous successes, which seem to be designed by Satan specifically to get our hopes up.

In a state where most people come to escape, there is no escaping an inferiority complex honed by years of "almost-getting-there-and-getting-blown-out-in-the-process."

Joe Sakic can’t go out like this, and something tells me he won’t. Even if our last memories of Peter Forsberg may be of him again kicking back in a lawn chair in Örnsköldsvik. It was nice having you tour with the band again, Pedro.

Fortunately the youngsters on the Avalanche now have experienced both the playoffs and massive playoff humiliation. With the right attitude this experience can become a tool for future success, as the Avalanche (barring a two-month long dip into their past) should continue to build in the right direction, a direction in which Jose Theodore is hopefully shown the door.

So let the construction on a new season begin! The future is still bright in Colorado, even if it may take some time for this most recent loss to fade into distant memory.

(Thanks to all who have read the page during the season. Barring a few comments and blurbs during the summer the DNP will return just in time for training camp, even if the recent economy is forcing its writer to relocate to Phoenix. Yes, Phoenix. No I’m not going to become a Yotes fan, even though a close proximity to The Great One and Daniel Carcillo should yield a number of high quality “desert hockey” jokes.)

O Captain! My Captain!

2008-05-01T10:54:00.000-07:00

There is a quote from the 1996 film “Basquiat” that I have never been able to remove from my mind. It emerges in a scene where Benicio Del Toro, playing Jean-Michel Basquiat’s friend Benny, is describing to the young artist the effort required to become famous.

To paraphrase, “to get recognized you have to paint the same way every day, even if you don’t want to…”

The message behind the statement reveals a sort of practical profundity. That simple repetition, rather than complicated measures will lead to success. When embellished it is nearly a treatise on the effectiveness of passive resistance.

In this world there seem to be two types of leaders. There are those in the mold of Mark Messier. Magnetic Churchill types branded at birth to lead through action and powerful vocal inspiration. More often than not these are the leaders who are trumpeted and placed upon pillars as examples to all of what can be achieved when one possesses a strong personality.

Then there are the quiet leaders; those modest personas that gain respect through steadfast example. They paint the same way every day, even if they don’t want to…

In a career that suddenly seems too short, Joe Sakic has achieved everything that a hockey player can achieve. He has accomplished every task with which he has been charged, and in exchange he has quietly demanded reciprocation from his compatriots.

Joe Sakic is the personification of leadership by example.

Tonight may very well be Joe’s last professional game. His body has shown the effects of what is most easily rationalized as “old age” in hockey. Nobody would blame him if he walked away at age 38, his final accomplishment being that of scoring nearly a point per game during the playoffs.

If tonight is the last time we see Joe Sakic on the ice, then let us relish the moment as an example of what any of us with our God given talents can achieve if we simply apply effort to knowledge.

All you have to do is paint the same way every day.

Even if you don’t want to…

Guitar Hero

2008-04-30T09:33:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life provides little distractions to redirect our minds from painful experiences. This time, facing an insurmountable deficit against the Red Wings the universe provided my house with a PS3 and Guitar Hero. Yes folks, the de-evolution of music hit soon after the Avalanche comeback fell short, and lasted until the wee hours of this morning.

The revolution will not be televised; it will be clicked into a miniature plastic guitar.

You’ll pardon me if my rockin’ prevents me from typing fast today. I think I may have carpal tunnel syndrome and a surprising respect for the works of Slayer.

Oh what to do…what to do about these Avalanche. The best team in the state can’t beat the best team from another country (Sweden).

This Red Wings dominance was not unexpected. They were the best team in the regular season, and they are the best team in the playoffs. Detroit never had a post-lockout swoon like the Avalanche did, and by the looks of it they may never have any kind of swoon any time soon.

Meanwhile the Avalanche are stuck in neutral.

In a series in which the Avs are hurt and penalized Detroit has made hockey look surprisingly easy. Analysts said that the European game would never play well on the small ice of North America…yet Team Sweden just keeps on rolling.

Does Detroit have a transfer agreement with Henrik Lundqvist set up for when the Rangers are finally eliminated?

At least T.J. Hensick got to play. The little engine that could…he needs to play more, and will.

I guess we can forget about re-igniting the rivalry. How unfortunate. Few events have drawn the common fan to hockey quite like a punch-up between the Wings and the Avs. These days the only punch-ups seem to come from the message board on Abel to Yzerman on Kukla’s Korner. That is the truly sad part. That two cities and states that despise one another won’t be going toe to toe on the front page of the ESPN’s of the world, relegated instead to idiotic faceless banter in the backwaters of the internet.

What to do…what to do…

At this point there is little to say about what the Avalanche are doing, and more about where they might be going. Is it possible for this mobile intensive care unit from Colorado to exit this series without losing even more of their future in the process? Can we just have that?

Oh for the days when this team was up and coming and the future was looking bright…and Paul Stastny still had both knees intact.

Maybe a sweep by the Red Wings might not be a bad thing after all. It would save the rest of us emotion that could be wasted elsewhere. Like impressing friends by ripping out “My Name is Jonas” on the plastic guitar:

“The building's not going as he planned.
The foreman has injured his hand.
The dozer will not clear a path.
The driver swears he learned his math.

The workers are going home…”

Thoughts on a Game Day

2008-04-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

-Sometimes you have to chop things up in order to gain some perspective on your team’s standing. In my case, at least the Avalanche aren’t the Nuggets, (far from them actually) who were swept out of the playoffs by a beatable Lakers team in the first round.

And observers wonder why few people take the Nuggets seriously in Denver. You think Avs fans are fair weather, Detroit? HA! Just try living with a basketball team that has never even been in the NBA finals, despite featuring an owner who will spend at will to acquire talent and coaching for a team which features two of the top five scorers in the league.

The Nuggets may be the only team in history to have a fan base strictly composed of bandwagon fans…of their own creation of course.

-You ever get through a fantasy season in which there was a controversial trade only to discover in the playoffs, after the fantasy season is over, that the trade was actually quite fair? Let’s just say that my “fleecing” of Joe Thornton from one of my league’s rookies this season is looking like an actual win for the rookie.

Tell me what you think of a trade The Rook offered me that I accepted:

Joe Thornton (who at the time had potted all of four goals in the previous month and a half, was the 9th ranked center on yahoo, and is currently being dominated by the Dallas Stars)
AND
Brad Boyes (who did lead the Blues in goals, only to basically do nothing after the trade until the final week of the season)

FOR

Marty Biron (who may make the conference finals)
AND
Cory Stillman (who ended up on Ottawa’s top line before they were mercifully shot down by the Penguins in the first round)

I’m sure many of you will bust on me for fleecing a rookie, but in a season in which I fell literally ONE GOAL short of making the finals I’m sure Karma took care of what ever discrepancy existed from the trade. The lesson here is that it is of the utmost importance to fleece the rookies in your fantasy hockey league early and often, despite the objections other “protectionist” managers.

How else are the kids gonna learn?

-Speaking of Marty Biron, this caught my eye over at Dobber Hockey today:
“You know... I said this two years ago the moment the trade happened, but I would just like to say it again - If the Leafs were going to trade Tuukka Rask for a starting goaltender, they should have done it for Martin Biron not Andrew Raycroft. What were they thinking? It was no secret that Biron was available and the Sabres definitely would have jumped on the offer. Am I really that much superior in the pro scouting department as the entire Maple Leaf organization? Hmmm, I think I just answered my own question there.”

My reaction to this was to smack (in my mind) every dissenting manager in my fantasy league right in the baby maker for being so stupid. And yes I’m quite bitter.

-Finally, one of my hobbies is to go on to Red Wings fan sites and read the comments. I do this in local papers as well, because few things angry up the blood quite like an uninformed opinion.

An ongoing theme on Abel to Yzerman at Kukla’s Korner has been for Wings fans to make fun of the phrase “old time hockey” as it relates to the Avalanche. I actually owned an Avalanche shirt with this phrase on it at one point, and even I thought it was kind of silly, which is why I bought the shirt. If anything it proved to me that marketers will do anything if it means a sale. Like changing the home colors of the jerseys from white to dark. And yes, Bill Hicks is break dancing in his grave right now.

True, Colorado may not have as deep a professional hockey tradition as those cities that were granted an original six team, but here are a few facts and figures that should bring the Wingnuts back to earth a bit…as I flip through this month’s edition of Scientific American and wonder where this world would be if reading that mag were a required activity, instead of endless hours of Hannah Montana reruns…

Stanley Cup Championships
Red Wings- 10
Avalanche-2

The Wings were founded in 1926 and have existed for 82 years.
The Avalanche came to Colorado in 1995 and have existed for 13 years.

The Red Wings have averaged .12 Stanley Cups per year of existence.
The Avalanche have averaged .15 Stanley Cups per year of existence.

Major Relevant College Hockey teams (NCAA Titles)

Michigan-
University of Michigan (9)
Michigan State (2)
Michigan Tech (3)
Lake Superior State (3)
Northern Michigan (1)

Colorado-
University of Denver (7)
Colorado College (2)

Michigan NCAA titles-19 spread between 5 teams
Colorado NCAA titles- 9 spread between 2 teams

I’d like to point out that Colorado ranks #2 behind Michigan in total NCAA hockey titles, besting other “hockey states” like Massachusetts, Maine, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. In fact, DU (tied with North Dakota) is second only to Michigan in total titles (9 to 7), and was the last college to win back-to-back championships.

So tell me again how Colorado is lacking a hockey tradition, Wingnuts. If anything information like this should make the rivalry run deeper.

I’ve got the Avs squeaking out a close one tonight, assuming the Wings are allowed entry into the Can from DIA. I expect the “barn” to be noisy and raucous…and to my peeps in the upper deck, try not to literally kill anyone wearing red.

We are Americans after all…

For my next act I'll attempt to pinpoint exactly why Coloradans hate the color red beginning with the inbred Nebraska Cornhuskers and ending with the arrogantly stupid Boston Red Sox.

Fixing the Avlalanche

2008-04-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple of days I’ve had a number of friends confront me with their distress and disdain over the condition of the Avalanche. Mostly everyone is in shock, and angry about the 2-0 series deficit. Here are some theories on how to fix the Avs on the first day after what may have been the worst weekend in Colorado sports history.

By my estimation Jose Theodore is sick. And I don’t mean “wicked” or “badass” I mean the man seems like he has some kind of bubonic flu at this point. I’ve played with the flu before and I’ve got to tell you, no position in any sport is more difficult to play while battling headaches, nausea, muscle stiffness and the inherent lack of timing brought on by massive amounts of NyQuil.

The question here is whether or not Joel Quenneville starts Peter Budaj in Theo’s spot for game three. For all intents and purposes Budaj has played the Wings well, and not allowed any crap to go into the net that hasn’t come off the stick of Johan Franzen.

If I were a betting man I would expect to see Theo back in net. If he struggles early he’ll get pulled. In this case “struggling early” should constitute anything in the area of pre-game sweating, a ghost-white complexion, glassy eyes or the potential presence of one Paris Hilton.

Because seriously, nothing on Earth sucks quite as bad as having to strap on damp, disease ridden pads while trying not to puke.

(Side note here: if Theo is as sick as I think he is, then half the team is sick at this point. Disease in a hockey locker room has a tendency to spread like wildfire, considering almost nothing in a locker room ever seems to dry out, and pretty much smells like a dumpster.)

On the other end of things, Peter Forsberg must play. Period. For the Avalanche to have any shot at a comeback they have to take pressure off of the top line and drop Ryan Smyth back into position on the third line, where his presence has fueled the likes of Tyler Arnason and Ben Guite.

I for one was tired of Forsberg’s constant injuries during his first run with the Avalanche. This time around his bad groin is making my groin hurt and I’d like it to end. Enough is enough Peter. Suck. It. Up.

Lastly, the Avalanche checkers need to do something more than kick the puck to Detroit forwards in their own end. Players like Guite and Ian Laperriere need to play without regard for their own safety. The Avs were able to succeed against the Wild because they took the body. Maybe the time has come when they must devolve into a trapping team. I hate that I just wrote that, but as long as the top teams in the West continue to cling to the notion of trapping hockey, then the Avalanche must adapt and attack.

The bottom line is that there is very little hope for the Avalanche in this series. Detroit is the deeper team that has stuck to its program of puck possession hockey all season. Add in the above par play of Chris Osgood and the Wings are a strong team that is staring at the potential for dominance.

Even still, this doesn’t mean the only existing team of relevance in Colorado sports can’t put up a fight. And on the edge of defeat, at least battle hard until the end.

If anything it would be nice to see the Avs come back and put a lid on obnoxious Wings fans, who really seem to have nothing better to do in their lives outside of posting insanity-laced comments on Red Wings blogs.

Maybe some day I too can turn into an alcoholic, semi-employed, uneducated, 1985 Buick Skylark driving, Merit smoking pipe fitter, who is more than willing to educate anyone who will listen on weekday evenings about the worlds of hockey and workman's compensation whilst sitting shirtless atop a lawn chair set up in my buddy's garage...yay Upper Midwest!

Umm...WHAT?!

2008-04-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

As George Costanza once said "I am speechless. I have no speech."

I leave town for a couple of days to get a new job and come back to this? Really?

I’m not even sure how to logically respond to today’s thrashing of the Avalanche by the Red Wings. Going into the series I felt that for the Avs to have a shot against the Wings they needed to play near-perfect hockey. They needed to hit, score early and play defense. Pretty simple really, but beginning with Peter Forsberg’s groin injury before game 1, Scott Hannan taking a slapper off of his instep during game 1, and Jose Theodore apparently coming down with the kind of mystery illness that prevents him from stopping anything that is thrown at the net, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the red hot Wings sweep the Avs out of the playoffs.

All of a sudden the Avalanche are undermanned, playing undisciplined hockey, and coming apart at the seams.

If I had any hope going into the playoffs it was that this edition of the Avalanche, who I felt had very little chance of actually winning the Cup this season, would at least manage to fight hard, keep games tight, and in the event of elimination, at very least not embarrass Colorado hockey fans.

Well we can throw that out the window!

I have no idea what it is going to take for the Avalanche to get back into this series. At this point I’m just hoping there will be more white showing up in the crowd at the Can on Tuesday than red. Yet not even that seems to be feasible at this point.

Unbelieveable!

Analysis of the First Round

2008-04-23T13:15:00.001-07:00

The first round, which featured two game-seven’s on the same night, is finished with yours truly in pretty darn good standing compared to some of the “experts” from major websites (I missed only two picks out of eight). Let us go down the list so that I can both gloat and chide myself on my picks. I’ve inserted my predictions from last round to act as a reference, and in my next article I will follow with my picks for the next round.

THE WEST

-Detroit vs Nashville
Detroit is Detroit and we hate them because they are Detroit. Even still, they are good and should cut through a soft Nashville team like (insert any scary 2008 skate related injury joke here)

Red Wings in 5

As it turns out I picked the winner here, but Nashville gave the Wings all they could handle…and Thomas Vokoun doesn’t even play for the Predators anymore! This is good news for the Avs, as they needed the Preds to beat up the Wings a bit. The shocker from this matchup came in the form of a brewing Detroit goalie controversy. Oh for the love of a goalie battle that doesn’t involve Peter Budaj for once!

San Jose vs Calgary
With the wildly overdue for a title Joe Thornton at the helm, towards the end of the season SJ looked like the team to beat in the West. Calgary has some punch because their coach is an old insane guy named "Iron" Mike Keenan. Jarome Iginla, who is the captain of the Flames WILL get into at least one fight in what will be a tighter series than expected. Fun should be had by all. There will be balloons for the kids.

Sharks in 6

Unfortunately Iginla didn’t get into a fight, bummer. But Mike Keenan started plenty of trouble with Flames fans after he pulled Miikka Kiprusoff half way into game seven. Most Sharks fans, as it turned out, don’t have much confidence in their team, even though they finally woke up and put Calgary down in the end.

My secret wish that a crazed and shirtless Keenan would be taken down in a hail of FBI tranquilizers after the series also failed to materialize. Double bummer.

Colorado vs Minnesota
Okay...what if you took two teams that almost played the same and put a healthy Peter Forsberg on one of them? That is how close this series will be. Forsberg has scored 11 points in his last 4 games and is once again THE GUY in Colorado. Avs pull the upset in this one because they have a better offense.

Avs in 7

My how things changed in a week! The player of the series turned out to be the much-maligned Jose Theodore, who has been playing stellar hockey since January. If it wasn’t for the good work of Theo (his 3-2, 40 save victory in game 5 was the stuff of legends) I believe the Avs, who were out-skated all series by a younger, faster Minnesota squad, would have lost. Leaving the rest of Colorado to act like they actually enjoy watching the Rockies and the perpetually underachieving Nuggets. As always, thank God for hockey!

Side note here: should you ever land 5th row tickets to a playoff game, bear in mind that there will be people who will show up to the Can some time during the 2nd period in suits and gowns and make it their mission to glare at you every time you yell “Derrick Boogaard eats children!” Because really, there’s nothing quite like pricing most of the die hard fans out of the lower bowl, and then turning it into a country club where showing passion for your team is borderline illegal…and some folks wonder why I hate rich people…

Anaheim vs Dallas
Last year's champion, the former Mighty Ducks of Anaheim will try to beat down a solid divisional foe in this round. Dallas is slumping and the Ducks play defense. Simple as that. Look for Ducks goalie, J.S. Giguere to find a way to cheat and wear even bigger pads during the playoffs, as he really isn't very good.

Ducks in 6

Boy did I ever miss the boat on this pick! Fortunately the rest of hockey did as well. It turns out the Ducks used up all their street fighting tokens during their Cup run last year. This season their thuggery was finally deemed unacceptable, and Dallas was able to take advantage of an almost constant parade of Ducks to the penalty box. The only prediction I did get right from this matchup was that Anaheim goalie J.S. Giguere wasn’t very good. But that is more fact than theory.

THE EAST

Montreal vs Boston
Surprisingly these two teams did much better than expected this season. Boston was banged up since the first month and Montreal was mostly crappy. Yet both teams found quality play from unexpected sources and here we are, an Original Six matchup! Good times. Look for Montreal's strong second half play to continue in front of wunderkind goalie Carey Price and the resurgent Alex Kovalev.

Les Habitants in 5

This matchup ended up going the distance, as Boston discovered their will to win after they were on the edge of elimination, pushing the series to seven. This battle eventually led to a renewal of Montreal and Boston hostility, which poured onto the streets after games. In a classic display of angst-ridden Québécois virility a number of ornery Montreal youths overturned and burned police cars after the Habs secured game seven.

I’m supposed to write something here about how this is yet another sign of the fall of Western civilization, but really I was inspired by such a grand display of drunken and disorderly conduct after a FIRST ROUND contest. I’m not only a Habs bandwagon fan now; I’m almost demanding they win the Cup! If that were to happen I suspect the province of Quebec will burn throughout the summer, until the flames are doused by the snows of November.

Pittsburgh vs Ottawa
Ottawa, last season's Eastern Conference representative in the Cup final has been a mess since their back up goalie Ray emery flipped out and got their coach canned sometime around midseason. I would give you an exact date except I'm still laughing. Yet because the East is the weaker conference they have managed to hang in long enough that they should be soundly thrashed by the Pens in the first round.

Thanks for playing.

Penguins in 5

The Pens swept this series, and in a hilarious shift of loyalty many Senators fans are actually cheering for their team to be dismantled after the playoffs. I don’t even have a joke here. Some people in Ottawa are literally demanding that the team be disbanded! Can, um, the Avs have Dany Heatley if that happens? Please?

Washington vs Philadelphia
Alexander Ovechkin has been the best player in hockey this season, potting 65 goals, which is good. Yet aside from a couple other good up and coming players, and the addition of a starting goalie (Cristobal Huet) at the trade deadline in February they probably don't have a talent to win the conference.

Philly on the other hand is young, has star players (Daniel Briere, Mike Richards, Jeff Carter) and has no clue how to play defense...but they can beat people up! That's good...right?

This matchup gives me a headache.

Capitals in 6

The Capitals ended up losing to Philly in seven games despite the efforts of Ovechkin and up and comer Nicklas Backstrom. I’m kind of sad about this because we won’t get to see Alexander the Great will his team to more victories against disorganized clubs like Philly. I guess the only thing I can take from this is that there is still the potential for Philly defenseman Derian Hatcher to become the first hockey player to shed his boots during play and actually walk down the ice faster than he skates…dragging his mongoloid knuckles the whole way…I’m still not clear if he actually plays with a stick and he’s been playing for 15 years!

NY Rangers vs New Jersey
This is another rivalry matchup featuring some of the best players to ever play like Jaromir Jagr of the Rangers and Martin Brodeur of the Devils. The games will be intense and a few players may get their feelings hurt. Make sure your kids watch this matchup so they will know how to properly fight come high school. The Devils are slumping and the Rangers are heating up, so this will definitely be a close one.

Rangers in 7

Long story short: Pestilent Rangers moron Shawn Avery used to date actress Elisha Cuthbert, who is so bad at her profession that I couldn’t prevent myself from yelling at the television every time the first season of “24” came on. While she and Avery were dating, NHL.com actually decided to give her a blog on their website for a full season.

She made it four postings, and none of the posts was anywhere near readable, grammatically correct, or at all intelligent.

During this time it finally dawned on me that not only was America accepting idiocy as its modicum for success, citizens were demanding it!

Fast forward to troglodyte Shawn Avery against the Devils and his need to faceguard goalie and future Hall of Famer, Martin Brodeur. It was a tactic so classless and disrespectful that the NHL was forced to change its rules during the playoffs.

I’m not sure why Avery and Cuthbert aren’t dating anymore. They would have set a new standard for wealthy idiots everywhere, and possibly spawned a new generation of gas station register jockeys and adult film stars for all to behold.

The abstract lesson here is that no matter what, I hate the Rangers.