Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Message From the Dark Lord

Dear Avalanche Fans,

It has been a topsy-turvy season for your team, one that has been a pleasure for iced hockey fans like myself who thrive on inconsistency, a lack of scoring, and spotty goaltending.

Who doesn’t enjoy shelling out precious duckets to attend or watch contests that feature grown men shoveling a puck back and forth over an icy surface and never scoring?

I know I do.

I have especially enjoyed watching Aaron D’Albey re-typing variations of the above sentences over and over again during the first quarter of the season, and am looking forward to another five months of him scribing it into his computer-box in an effort to bore the life out of readers.

This is why the Avalanche and Kings game last night was a terrifyingly familiar jaunt into land of mirth and uncertainty. How delightfully disastrous! Your Boys of Burgundy actually managed to secure a two-goal lead before sanity set in, and in the name of fair play allowed my team, the Kings of Los Angeles back into the game before unfortunately defeating them in the shootout.

Chalk one up to character building.

I feel it was quite generous of Peter Budaj to provide my young Kings team hope for the future. It is left to be seen that my club from La-La Land may one day may not need to resort to dirty play of the sort which includes shoving their fellow hockey brethren face first into the boards in an attempt to shake them from their game. But in the meantime I hope they may find a way to take pleasure in the little things like making the black disc of glory hover above the ice surface, or dare I hope, go into the opposing team’s net.

I for one am an enormous fan of clubs that go out of their way to cripple important Avalanche players. I have felt this way ever since one of my minions, a young Kris Draper was sent into the boards by a salty old veteran by the name of Claude Lemieux.

You see I do not believe that the people of Colorado need to take pleasure in successful teams in games of sport. Why, the citizens of the Centennial State should not be allowed to feel good, and must be compelled to work on Sundays. I don’t care what “HE” thinks about that, there are widgets to be crafted! Damn the Broncos! Up with the Raiders!

So take heed, fans of the team from The Mount, last year it was Ryan Smyth and Marek Svatos who were felled with life altering injuries at the hands of the Kings. This year it was Adam Foote and Wojtek Wolski.

What lies ahead is yet to be seen…bwwwahahahahaha!

Kittens and Rainbows,


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